Silence of the Lams 53 Bandana Hammocks 43
WEEK 6 REVIEW:
*some people have asked Sam and I to differentiate who is doing what write-up… the reason? I have no clue. But if you want it… you got it!
6:00 PM Silence of the Lams def. Bandana Hammocks 53-43 (Sam)
Khaled (5 Stars if you are willing to forgive him for being 5 minutes late) – The numbers are nice, and he was being guarded by Sweck. Oh, and his team is now 6-0. He did take his ‘bitching and moaning’ game to another level, somehow, this week. There was a drop of blood on the court, and while the game was going on, he yells to the balcony repeatedly, “DO WE HAVE ANY DISINFECTANT?”
Billy Jackson: 4 Stars – Never giving Billy five stars fires up BJax, and a fired up BJax makes for a great message board presence. He loses a point for not returning those Lululemon yoga pants he stole from his girlfriend to play basketball in, and for tying his dirty clothes bag to his pants as an accessory. Anyone who saw it knows how funny it was.
Brian Quinn: 4 Stars – In the second half, with his team down 32-30, Quinn hit back-to-back threes that sparked the run for Lam’s team to put the game away. His Allan Houston-esque stat line doesn’t jump out when you look at the box score, but the impact he had on this game can’t go unnoticed.
Todd Palmer: 3 Stars – The first 5-10 minutes of this game were probably the best 5-10 minutes of Todd’s B Draft career. Khaled was late to the game, and Palmer hit a layup, drilled a three, and made a great pass that got a reaction out of Fermon on the balcony. His usual toughness on defense and on the glass was still there – he was truly the reason why Seth’s team wasn’t up 10-12 points early.
Pat Lam (2 Stars) – It’s not about Pat’s stats this season. He’s the captain of a 6-0 team, it doesn’t matter that he had four missed threes. He’s swinging his dick right now, regardless. Stealing this point from Noah – he’s entering the Mount Rushmore of B Draft captains. Matty, Noah, Lam…?
Kevin Swecker: (4 Stars) It felt like he created everything offensively for Bandana Hammocks, scoring and passing the ball for Seth’s team. However, he did get outplayed by Khaled, and he did attempt to post up Billy Jackson in the first few minutes, and he did get swatted straight to hell by one Mr. Jackson.
Chas Bells: (4 Stars 1st 25 minutes of the game, 1 maybe 2 stars the last 15 minutes) – Hate to be hard on Chassy, he’s one of my favorite teammates I’ve had in my CAC career. But, he played well in the first half, and hit a big triple to give his team a 29-24 lead in the second half. Then…he kinda disappeared. CHAS I’M SO SORRY.
Harry Demakes: (3.5 Stars) – In the first half, with Bandana Hammocks in the lead, Harry got a bucket, later got a steal off an inbounds pass, and another wide open look at the hoop from his sweet spot, probably 12 feet from the hoop…and then Swecker pulled the carpet out from underneath him. Called a time-out. Sweck smartfully apologized – you don’t do that to the Bull.
Seth McLaughlin: (3 Stars) – He gets the stars because he’s turned into my favorite captain to listen to when they’re on the bench. He sounds exactly like the dad that volunteers to coach a 3rd grade basketball team…probably because this is what he does for his own son. He gets a lot out of players for this reason. I wanna play for Seth. Jesus, I sound like I have daddy issues.
Chris Ott: (2.5 Stars) – A beneficiary of the ‘park and rec dad’ coaching – Ott got cheered on every step of the way as he had two legitimately momentum altering blocks in the first half. The people still want to know where the midrange shot is – Harry, help your New Age Outlaw out!
Hotrod Albrecht: (2 Stars) – Verrrrryyyyy quiet night from Hotrod. Even during shootaround he was kinda quiet. He was drafted to be a third option on this team – shoot the ball more, Hotrod! One three point attempt?
***6:50 PM World’s Greatest Tag Team def. The Job Squad 71-51*** (Seth)
The second game of the night was another dismantling of a team’s top guards by the buzzsaw that is McPolly. The Bastards have really stood out in the last few weeks as a top team this season. Even in their sole loss of the year to current #1 Plam’s Plums, many (including myself) came away with the thought that they were actually the better team. Rudy has done an awesome job putting this team together and is the likely frontrunner for GMOY.
Rudy (5 STARS): I was told multiple times on the balcony that this was the best game people have ever seen Rudy play. I don’t know if that’s true… 20 points is a really great contribution by a captain though (for those new to the league, captains typically suck… Rudy and Sam have been walking a razor’s edge on getting forcibly removed as captains as of late. Sam is now fine to continue being a captain as apparently he sucks again. Noah was also close but has been clearly tanking his PR this season to continue being one). Rudy figured out quickly that a small lineup is his best lineup this season and has relegated his two bigs to a bench role. Risky play but has proven to be just crazy enough to work.
Mc2 (5 STARS and a Hula Hoop Swirl): 24/3/6 in a win would likely have earned Mc2 a 5 STAR performance anyway… but when you add the 5 steals(!) you get the rarely seen hula hoop swirl:
A total nightmare for opposing players this guy has been on the court this season. Chris asked me after the game what the record was for most steals in a season was? I told him I didn’t know but for a modest bribe I would make sure he got it…. He replied with “nah, I want to earn it”. How honest he is! What a dreamboat. Mc2 is playing his best basketball maybe ever and there is really no reason not to think that it cant continue as long as he has Polly and Temp by is side.
Polly (4 STARS): Speaking of the All-American Heartthrob, Sam brought his usual in intensity to the court and like usual filled up the stat sheet. 14pts, 7rbs(3 orebs), 3asts, 2stls and 1 block. There is literally NOTHING this guy cant do on a basketball court (except escape me of course). He has been a perfect fit for his team this season and is rewarding Rudy for his bravery handsomely…. very handsomely. Sam didn’t have his best offensive game this week, but his all around play and smothering defense dictates that he doesn’t have to be perfect on offense to make an impact. We can now add Vladi/Boyer to the list of names that got GOT.
Temp (4 STARS): really the 3rd musketeer in Rudy’s candybar fantasy. Temp has never been an elite scorer so his single digit performance isn’t anything to be surprised about. But what is surprising is just how well Temp has made the leap from “undersized secondary big” to a VERY capable big defender that is totally undersized. Mmmmm, yea that’s confusing to me too, but you all know what I mean. Temp isn’t intimidating to look at when hes anchored in the middle of the paint across from you, but after the tipoff you realize just how good he is at playing like he’s 6’5”. The Cali Kid with the misspelled name gobbled up 11 rebounds which by itself is great for his team… but the real benefit was in him keeping Cullen off the boards and holding him to only 6 (which might be the hardest thing to do in the league).
Top 5 Hardest Things to do in BDW (in no order):
- Outscoring Lens
- Outcrazying Khaled
- Outfouling Palmer
- Outserialkilling Carey
- Outrebounding Cullen
Dunbar (3 STARS): lock this guy into 6/3/1/1 every week. All he does is do his job and win. Pretty good thing to have on your bench. Dunbar, you’ve now been put on notice. 6/3 is now your baseline….
Sam/Vladi (3 STARS): 35/8/4 (2/11 from 3) combined stats for these two. Boooooooooring. I kind of have a suspicion that they knew what was coming for them when looking at the matchups for this one. Vladi and Sam are actually much better when they are being defended by bigger players. They can use their speed and skill to break down defenders and keep them honest from both the 3pt line and the paint on drives. But when defended by two defensive psychopaths like McPolly….. ah fuck, just quit already… and they did. Which is fine.
Downey/Cullen (3 STARS): 11/13 combined from the two biggest players on the court. *yawn*. Look, I know that playing against a group of rabid dwarven wolverines sucks… but 11/13 combined isn’t good enough to beat anyone in this league, let alone the BEST TEAM IN THE LEAGUE… (did you read that part Billy?)
Randall/AO (indeterminate STARs): im not going to cast judgment on the bench players with zero chance of winning any matchup on the court. That wouldn’t be fair. As far as im concerned these two are granted additional time on turning in their midterms.
***7:40 PM Fermon’s Divorce Papers def. The Lovable Losers 66-63*** (Seth)
(*there is some dispute as to this score)
This was likely the closest that Mason’s basketball version of the Bad News Bears was going to get to winning a game this season.
Fermon (5 STARS): this is the type of game that answers the question, why does Fermon get taken so early in the BDW leagues? Because he MIGHT be the only player truly capable of winning a game by himself (sorry folks, Tim Lens isn’t walking through that door… Mike Strange isn’t walking through that door… Josh Barr lololololol j/k about that last one). Fermon started 6/8 from 3 point land to start the game and im not exaggerating when I say that the game was over at this point. 8 mins into the game and it was over. (Fermon would go on to finish 0/7 which is actually really bad but whatever, Mink will always overlook those flaws).
Eisenberg (4 STARS): This guy should start getting some pub as bizarro Fermon. Starting the game 2/9 from 3 and then finishing the last 3 mins 4/5. Eisen seems to be a score first type of PG as he doesn’t really impress with his passing but on a team full of PGs that might be a product of what is needed versus what his natural talent is. This is the second game this season that Eisen has made it waaaaaaaaay closer than it should have been. Unfortunately both those games ended in a loss for his team. The first wasn’t on Eisen and I don’t think this loss was either… but id like to see one of those crazy 3 runs actually mean something.
Waters (4 STARS): you know the reason why Ferm ended 0/1000 from 3? Thy name be Jon Waters. Mr Saturday made the defensive switch to the former MVP (I say former and not reigning because Sam and I took Fermon’s MVP award away after last weeks shit show). 15 might be middle of the road for a point output but I cant stress enough how HARD Water’s was playing defense on Fermon… even blocking two shot attempts from deep, which if you’ve ever seen Ferm rock side to side before shooting, is extremely hard to do. Awesome effort from him this week.
Dama (4 STARS): remember when I said that Eisen might be a one way player… well, this guy is the definition of a single stat player. However the one thing that he does, he does really well. Shooters gotta shoot, Fermon’s gonna Ferm and now maybe Dama is gonna ………. Dam? 11 3pt attempts might be a little too much but when he hits they look silky and natural (probably like Pollys hair, id imagine… not that ive secretly touched it or anything). During the chaotic end of the game when Eisen was doing his T-1000 turning into Fermon impersonation and Minkoff was chucking medicine balls against the backboard, Dama was standing in the corner all by himself just waiting for the ball to be passed to him so he could calmly knock down his free throws. Unfortunately Mink and Ferm did the drunk mom and dad thing instead and fought over who was going to shoot the last shots and it ALMOST came back to bite them. Maybe next time let the guy you drafted to be a shooter… do some shooting?
Rullan with Fermon (4 STARS): 10/11 finally Rullan is playing the way he was supposed to play all season. Im sure that is because Mink and Ferm realized they aren’t winning anything without a post presence. Well now hes a post presence. Simple as that.
Rullan on the forums (0 STARS): Pleasantville tried to take a run at Sam and I on the board…. Ballsy move from a rookie:
Mink/Mason (3 STARS): 4/14 from 3 combined. I want nothing more from my captains than being bad 3 point shooters (all captains combined 52/249 just north of 25%, good job guys).
Sylver (2 STARS): 8/9/1/1 is just not good enough from a 1st round pick. Im sory… its just not. I think Sylver can be a good player in this league too. Hes obviously got the size and seems like hes got the skill, its just not coming together for him or his team. Which is crazy because hes got 3 point guards on the court with him at the same time to give him the ball. Id still like to see a game that Sylver gets 30 shot attempts. Why not? Why cant he be a Nordy type? I blame this guy…
Waldman (0 STARS): … yuck
Carey (2 STARS): Im putting this one on Mink…. How can a team get 40 looks at 3 and only give Carey 2 attempts?! Rich, shoot the ball homie! There is no bad shot attempt with this team, clearly. You think Minks gonna give you shit for shooting too much…. Have you seen some of the clunkers Mink has thrown at the rim?! Fermon might roll his eyes more than any other players combined in this league…. But even he’s not gonna tell you not to shoot (0/7 from 3 in the second half remember?)
***8:30 PM Boys II Mendes def. Cavano Soup for You 74-62*** (Sam)
Xavier: (10 Stars) – This was probably one of the best games I’ve seen Xavier play the last year or so. His three ball was working, including back-to-back threes to make an eleven point game practically a blowout, but he also didn’t rely on his outside shooting at any point. His rebound numbers were off the chart as usual, and when he’s driving and kicking like he was on Thursday, he’s unstoppable.
Ghost: (4 Stars) – It felt like Ghost had a million points on Thursday, but that might be because it feels like he never misses. He had the midrange jumper and the turnaround hook flowing throughout the whole game, and whenever Xavier needed someone to defer to, Ghost was always in the right spot at the right time.
James Hanks: (3.5) James “Please call me Jim, now” Hanks played well on Thursday, but we’re here to talk about what really matters. Ever since he’s been in the CAC basketball leagues, he’s been referred to as Viking Tibbs. Now that he cut his hair, he’s Jim, or Corporate Hanks.
Nate Mendes: (3.5 Stars) A 12/7/3 stat line for Nasty Nate is solid, but let’s talk about the fact his team is now 4-2. Remember when everybody agreed Nate had the worst team in the league? Well now, he has a better record than most of you reading this.
Drew Guaraldo: (3 Stars) I wish we had some sort of advanced metric to measure how impactful Drew is when he plays. He’s just a smart basketball player – someone who plays and talks on defense, doesn’t turn the ball over, cuts to the hoop effectively, knocks down open shots, doesn’t try to do anything he can’t do. Pretty much everything you’d want in a rec basketball league.
Ridwan Ahmed: (2.5 Stars) – The Brian Scalabrine of B Draft West. Comes in, knocks down a shot, and everybody roots for him. Ridwan has been a great addition to B Draft West, and still sticks with the shooting sleeve. #Respect
Ryan Ouellete: (5 Stars) – He was the lone bright spot for Frongi’s team offensively, knocking down five threes and cutting it to about a ten point game late in the second half. Ryan O. has looked better these last two weeks, which is an encouraging thing to point to even in this rough loss.
Chris Cavano: (4 Stars) Had 17/11, but it felt somewhat hollow, since the majority of those stats came from when they were already down 15-20 points. Cavano still has the ankle brace on, and he just doesn’t have that same athletic ‘pop’ as he did a year ago for CAC cLENS. Everybody’s biggest fear in the league should be he/Ryan O. looking 100%…the first week of the playoffs.
Eric Rosiello: (3.5 Stars) Another solid statline, finishing with a good amount of rebounds and assists. But his shooting percentage needs to improve dramatically – this is the 2nd or 3rd game this season he has looked bad shooting the ball. 0-for-6 from three is something that jumps out to you, but True Shooting Percentage wouldn’t be his friend, either.
Nick Frongillo: (2.5 Stars) As captain of the team, some shade needs to be thrown on Frongi for how flat his team looked Thursday night. Within five minutes, Cavano Soup for You was down 13-0 in a game they were favored to win. He and Rosy had a couple turnovers early on, and after that and the early deficit, they were never able to recover.
Billy P.S. Hayes: (2 Stars) – His balcony swag is a lock for five stars, every week. But Seth and I can’t reward 0 points and 3 boards for our most improved player or 5th man of the year. (Don’t worry P.S., you’re still winning something.)
*id like to nominate Rousselle for 5 STARS as well…. whenever you can miss 5 of your teams first 6 games and still pay $150.00 you HAVE to do it.
***9:20 PM Vella’s life’s Depression def. Noah’s Seasonal Depression 53-52*** (Sam)
Brett Royer: (4 Stars) – Not much offensively from BRoy this week, but he seems willing to give up a few shots a game to avoid Jesse and Remy killing him, or each other. Before the game, I also got confirmation that Brett is coming back next season – the trend of Vella forcing his first round pick out of the league is coming to an end.
Jesse Corwin: (4 Stars) – To start the game, Jesse pulled/did something to what looked like his quad or hamstring. I didn’t even see what happened, by judging by his reaction, you’d think someone shot him in the leg. A couple minutes later, he came back like nothing happened, and started drilling shots, scoring 15 of his 21 points in the first half. Without him, Vella’s team might have been down 15-20 points at halftime.
Remy Baudet: (3 Stars) – I don’t really remember Remy having any big moments in this game, but I also don’t remember him doing anything bad, either. So for that, I’ll call it 3 stars.
Mike McCauley: (5 Stars) – Down the stretch, when Goodvellas needed buckets, MC1 was the guy who brought home the bacon to Vella. Down two late, MC1 hit a deep three to give GoodVellas their first lead of the game, 50-49, and hit two free throws at the very end of the game to give GV the 53-52 win. This was by far the best he has looked post-ACL injury.
Vella: (2 Stars) – For Vella, this was a big night. He said himself he doesn’t care about the stats, but a win for him over Noah is a good thing for the league. A happy/fired up Vella is one of the best posters in the league, and I’m really happy for him that he has a team that could make noise in the playoffs.
Eugene Linkov: (1 Star) – It’s hard to give anyone much more than a star with just a defensive rebound to show for in the stat sheet.
Kevin Tang:(3 Stars) – K-Tang had one three point attempt through the first 30 minutes. Last week, the buzz from the First Round Upset locker room was suggesting Tang was shooting too much. This week, he didn’t shoot nearly enough with TC out of action.
…Also missed some big FTs late.
Scott Hammond: (4 Stars) – Scottie really stepped up his play with Tim Clement missing the game with a knee injury. One of those games where you’re watching and thinking to yourself, “Oh, that’s why EVERYBODY either wants to play with Scottie, or raves about playing with him after the season is over.”
Noah Spaulding: (4 Stars) – Probably the best he has looked this season, which isn’t saying much. He’s now 4-for-32 from three this season – 13%. YIKES.
Jeff Rubin: (4 Stars) The first shot of the game was a Jeff Rubin made three, and he puts his hands up in the air, and yells, “ALL FUCKING DAY.” One of my favorite moments of the season, to be honest. In addition to that, he made a couple more big shots down the stretch, and a really nice full-court homerun pass to Noah for a layup. Seth and I were wrong to re-draft him at 35.
Phil Altrock: (2 Stars) – PHIL MADE HIS TWO FREE THROWS, TANG. WHY COULDN’T YOU STEP UP AND MAKE YOUR FREE THROWS?
Scores, Box Scores & Write-Ups