Spring 2014: B1 5v5 League Champs: Love Me Sexy

    Love Me Sexy turns up the heat takes B1 West title in the process
    Dad's Dementia 54 Love Me Sexy 63

    Love Me Sexy held Dad\'s Dementia to their lowest point total all season as LMS took the B1 West crown.

    When Alex Said, during the pre-game, took out a speaker playing “Love Me Sexy” from the movie Semi-Pro and planted it on the scorers table, I knew Dad\'s was in trouble. When the song ended perfectly, just before the horn sounded to signal the start of the first half – as if Said planned it to the millisecond, I knew it was all over. If Said and company planned their pre-game that precisely, what was their actual game plan going to unfold?

    LMS didn\'t dissapoint after the pre-game buildup that had Dad\'s Dementia visibly squirming in their collective shorts. Just glancing at the stats, it may seem like LMS didn\'t have a stunningly well-played game. Their leading scorer was Derrick Woods-Morrow who scored only 16 points (“only” simply because it\'s DWM and Love Me Sexy). The next leading scorer is Chris O\'Keefe who only had ten points. After O\'Keefe, no one managed double digits. However, look how well-rounded the offense was; look at how well the ball was spread around: Jim O\'Keefe had nine points, Kevin Jacobs had nine points, and Maurice Collins had eight points.

    This is all to say nothing about LMS\' defensive efforts. I mean, they held fucking Dad\'s Dementia to only fucking 54 points. That\'s like taming a wild, hungry bear in 44 minutes. That\'s like convincing John McCain of scaling back America\'s military presence around the world in 44 minutes. That\'s like convincing me that Burger King\'s sausages in their morning menu\'s sausage biscuits aren\'t just their hamburgers cut a little bit smaller – because they\'re definitely just smaller cuts of their hamburg meat, and if that\'s the case I shouldn\'t be paying something like three-fucking-dollars for it when their Rodeo Burger is only a dollar and has a larger patty of hamburg/\'\'sausage\'\' meat and a larger bun and onion rings and fucking barbecue sauce! Are you fucking kidding me, Burger King? Do you think I don\'t see through your cheap goddamn ruse? If I wanted hamburger meat, I\'d order the fucking Rodeo Burger. But, when it\'s 9 in the morning, I want some fucking sausage meat. That\'s not asking a lot.

    LMS\' relentless defensive onslaught was led by John Burns, who logged four steals and two blocks.

    For Dad\'s Dementia, Marcel Malafaia led the way with 19 points, all thanks to his classic slashing style of play and his ability to get to the free throw line. Matt Hohrath was able to fight through DWM\'s defense and tally 15 points, even though he was only 2 for 11 from beyond the arc. Love Me Sexy was able to hold Nick Edson, Nick Mazzeo, and Ryo Gokita to only 12 points collectively.

    And finally, I would just like to point one thing out: I\'m a basketball genius. In my very first post on the discussion board, who did I pick to win this league? Love Me Sexy. I didn\'t even have to see them play first. I knew. How did I know, you ask? How could that pick turning out to be right be anything but blind luck, you ask?

    A genius never reveals his secrets. 

    Scores, Box Scores & Write-Ups

    Playoff: week 12

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    B1 5v5 West S14 Basketball League

    Commentary by CHASE...

    Dad's Dementia 54  Love Me Sexy 63

    Love Me Sexy turns up the heat, takes B1 West title in the process

    Love Me Sexy held Dad's Dementia to their lowest point total all season as LMS took the B1 West crown.

    When Alex Said, during the pre-game, took out a speaker playing “Love Me Sexy” from the movie Semi-Pro and planted it on the scorers table, I knew Dad's was in trouble. When the song ended perfectly, just before the horn sounded to signal the start of the first half – as if Said planned it to the millisecond, I knew it was all over. If Said and company planned their pre-game that precisely, what was their actual game plan going to unfold?

    LMS didn't dissapoint after the pre-game buildup that had Dad's Dementia visibly squirming in their collective shorts. Just glancing at the stats, it may seem like LMS didn't have a stunningly well-played game. Their leading scorer was Derrick Woods-Morrow who scored only 16 points (“only” simply because it's DWM and Love Me Sexy). The next leading scorer is Chris O'Keefe who only had ten points. After O'Keefe, no one managed double digits. However, look how well-rounded the offense was; look at how well the ball was spread around: Jim O'Keefe had nine points, Kevin Jacobs had nine points, and Maurice Collins had eight points.

    This is all to say nothing about LMS' defensive efforts. I mean, they held fucking Dad's Dementia to only fucking 54 points. That's like taming a wild, hungry bear in 44 minutes. That's like convincing John McCain of scaling back America's military presence around the world in 44 minutes. That's like convincing me that Burger King's sausages in their morning menu's sausage biscuits aren't just their hamburgers cut a little bit smaller – because they're definitely just smaller cuts of their hamburg meat, and if that's the case I shouldn't be paying something like three-fucking-dollars for it when their Rodeo Burger is only a dollar and has a larger patty of hamburg/''sausage'' meat and a larger bun and onion rings and fucking barbecue sauce! Are you fucking kidding me, Burger King? Do you think I don't see through your cheap goddamn ruse? If I wanted hamburger meat, I'd order the fucking Rodeo Burger. But, when it's 9 in the morning, I want some fucking sausage meat. That's not asking a lot.

    LMS' relentless defensive onslaught was led by John Burns, who logged four steals and two blocks.

    For Dad's Dementia, Marcel Malafaia led the way with 19 points, all thanks to his classic slashing style of play and his ability to get to the free throw line. Matt Hohrath was able to fight through DWM's defense and tally 15 points, even though he was only 2 for 11 from beyond the arc. Love Me Sexy was able to hold Nick Edson, Nick Mazzeo, and Ryo Gokita to only 12 points collectively.

    And finally, I would just like to point one thing out: I'm a basketball genius. In my very first post on the discussion board, who did I pick to win this league? Love Me Sexy. I didn't even have to see them play first. I knew. How did I know, you ask? How could that pick turning out to be right be anything but blind luck, you ask?

    A genius never reveals his secrets. 

    Dad's Dementia
    Player PTS DRB ORB AST STL Blk TURN FTA FTM FTP 3P 3PM 3PP
    Jeff Woishnis853120000NA 22100%
    Marcel Malafaia192311007457% 11100%
    Matt Hohrath154201204375% 11218%
    Nick Edson420100044100% 100%
    Nick Mazzeo41144002150% 6117%
    Ryo Gokita41051002150% 3133%

    Love Me Sexy
    Player PTS DRB ORB AST STL Blk TURN FTA FTM FTP 3P 3PM 3PP
    Alex Said3012100200% 11100%
    Chris O\'Keefe104440007229% 200%
    Derrick Woods-Morrow16753000100% 4250%
    Jim O\'Keefe93331002150% 100%
    John Burns630242000NA 00NA
    Keith Baranowski220100000NA 00NA
    Kevin Jacobs951001000NA 2150%
    Maurice Collins82250003133% 4125%

Standings B1 5v5 West S14 Thru Week
PTeamRecord%StreakGBPFPA
Dad's Dementia8-10.889L1072.1152.33
GTL7-20.778W4160.7855.33
Love Me Sexy6-30.667W1273.0068.22
Lights Out4-50.444W1463.8973.89
Basketballs Deep 4S4-50.444W2465.1165.56
The Big Tickets3-60.333L1560.2265.44
GetBuckets.com2-70.222L6660.3368.78
Lotion in the Basket2-70.222L3663.3369.22
Points Per Game
1Derrick Woods-Morrow
Love Me Sexy
25.50
2Jeremy Colon
Lotion in the Basket
25.17
3Marquis Victor
Basketballs Deep 4S
24.67
4Jeff Manchester
GTL
22.86
5Benjamin Cabrera
The Big Tickets
22.57
6Carlos Ribeiro
GetBuckets.com
21.20
7Jim O\'Keefe
Love Me Sexy
21.00

Player Rater
1Derrick Woods-Morrow
Love Me Sexy
52.448
2Jeff Manchester
GTL
51.297
3Carlos Ribeiro
GetBuckets.com
50.7510
4Matt Hohrath
Dad's Dementia
45.1010
5Marquis Victor
Basketballs Deep 4S
44.339
6Andrew St Claire
Basketballs Deep 4S
44.318
7Ryo Gokita
Dad's Dementia
44.0011
8Wolfman
Lotion in the Basket
43.839
9Jim O\'Keefe
Love Me Sexy
42.198
10Chris Bruff
The Big Tickets
42.147

Rebounds Per Game
1Derrick Woods-Morrow
Love Me Sexy
12.38
2Aaron Lassanske
Lights Out
11.63
3Wolfman
Lotion in the Basket
10.78
4Andrew St Claire
Basketballs Deep 4S
10.38
5Deray Willis
GetBuckets.com
8.86
6Chris Kerr
Lotion in the Basket
8.67
7Tommy Folliard
The Big Tickets
8.33

3s Per Game
1Jeremy Colon
Lotion in the Basket
4.3338%
2Marquis Victor
Basketballs Deep 4S
4.1142%
3Jeff Manchester
GTL
3.8644%
4Khalid Lakanwal
Lotion in the Basket
3.3349%
5Matt Hohrath
Dad's Dementia
3.3043%
6Benjamin Cabrera
The Big Tickets
3.2964%
7Nick Mazzeo
Dad's Dementia
3.2039%

Assists Per Game
1Ryo Gokita
Dad's Dementia
8.18
2Carlos Ribeiro
GetBuckets.com
6.00
3Maurice Collins
Love Me Sexy
5.30
4Ryan Fischer
Basketballs Deep 4S
4.67
4Alex Said
Love Me Sexy
4.67
6Jeff Manchester
GTL
4.57
7Josh Goldstein
Lights Out
4.50