Well that sucked

and was so, so painful

I just, the words, they do not descibe the pain, let me try and recap. This is going to devolve quickly.

1st Quarter

– Hey nice start for the offense, Pierce with a 2 handed jam?

– KANJAM!

– Hey you guys, my wife just bowled a 178, 175, and 175 – we still almost lost our matchup this week because I can barely average 125!

– RONDO!

– God I don’t want to get my hopes up

– Stiemsma picks up dumb fouls, yes, but he doesn’t force you to play 4 on 5 on offense. Leave him in until he fouls out, please Doc, I’m begging you

– Stiemsma almost just fouled out in 3 minutes…

2nd Quarter

– Miller/Chalmber/Haslem are the only reason the Heat are in this game, unreal that they just keep coming through

– DOOLING

– Up 15! This is totally gonna suck if they lose

– Rondo just won’t miss a jumper tonight

– Seriously, Lebron and Wade can’t do shit, and this is only an 11 point game. Box the F out and push the pace, jesus don’t let the shoot open 3s, 55% my ass.

– Let’s not let them get this to single digits before half

– Anyone else notice DWAYNE’S ‘block’ was a foul, keep grabbing dudes around the waist my man.

– Let’s not let them take the lead before half

– Ok, up 7, not the worst thing in the world, but considering Rondo’s otherwordly play, not the best either. Fuck this is going to be stressful.

Halftime

– I don’t care if they get swept, this commercial gives me chills EVERY TIME. You realize we’re in Year 5 of a 3 Year Plan, right? I love this team

3rd Quarter

– Did a Co-Ed team just email me complaining that I wasn’t nice to them when they blew a team out by 50? Did that really just happen?!

– Yup it did, while I was respoinding (via email and the boards!) Miami cuts the lead to 4

– Lebron goes back to back from 3. He’s not the best shooter in the world, but when the guy is feeling it, every shot he puts up looks like it’s going to go in. Thankfully his third straight shot (what I like to call the ‘Heat Check’ for all you CACers) is off the mark.

– Haslem, though, is hitting that close range baseline J. Fuck that guy, where are the moving screen calls in this game?

– Pierce misses his first free throw in 35 attempts. I love the Truth. This past weekend, I man named Ted Sawyer tried to convince me of how overrated the Truth was. Seriously, he grew up in Harvard, MA, went to Bromfield and lives in Boston. I’ll give you his address if you want to knock on his door and give him a piece of your mind (hint: he lives with Bush).

– Sometimes I hate my sister so much. Her being a Heat fan (loving Wade in college, following him to the pros) kills me a little bit every time I think about it.

– And the lead is gone, playing catch-up again? Didn’t they learn anything from the last 2 series?

– No, no they haven’t, fuck

4th Quarter

– Just get a fucking stop, preferably follow that up with a defensive rebound. Shit man, get a body on someone!

– That technical on KG was absurd, Lebron and Wade have thrown 6 elbows exactly like that, zero Ts

– Here we go!! 8-1 run! Rondo back to attacking, set him a screen, take whoever switches TO THE HOLE!

– I thought it was odd when Rondo had 10 free throw attempts in the first half. That’s offically been ‘fixed’ as Lebron has 16 trips and the Heat are going to the line every other possession.

– SAM! We’re fucked. Tied but this blows

– What’s that, 3 guys with 5 fouls? Awesome, but keep attacking the rim, maybe we’ll get a call.

– RONDO!!! A;SLDKFJGH!!!

– Can’t get a D board or stop when it matters the MOST, practically with the season on the line.

– Ray Allen Lives!!

– MJ would have hit both of Lebron’s last second attempts every.single.time

– No D Board though, Rondo should have been going the other way with 6 seconds left and a chance for the win, but no, Bass (the only guy with double digit boards) is chilling on the bench. FUCK

OT

– Screwed without Pierce

– Or are we?!?!

– Yes we are

– COME ON DAVE!!!!!!

– Or are we?!?!

– Relax Tibbs, we are

FUCK – going to avoid ESPN, Deadspin, etc for the next 48 hours. Cs just gotta take BOTH at home, no biggie. If they’re losing at halftime on Friday I’m totally going to black out and drunk/hate text you all

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