Wolverine the Obscure

Legend has it that when Joe Dimaggio first heard Paul Simonís Mrs. Robinson, he was a bit miffed by the lyrics indicating that he ‘has left and gone away.’ Apparently, he was right there living a fulfilling life all along (well, until he died in 1999).  Someone who has slept with Marilyn Monroe should not be so disrespected – Marilyn Monroe people!

So when I read Tibbs’ comment that I was “fading into obscurity” in the Sergeonís Table blog, I felt a little jolted myself.  Sure, I havenít slept with Marilyn Monroe, but I have had a few minor celebrity conquests (Adrien Grenierís ex, a nameless Boston Bruinís wife, CAC staffers, etc.).  Not to mention I am a founding father of the CAC and have had more teams named after me than anyone. But to top it off, Tibbs also claimed no responsibility for this obscurity – “It’s not that I’ve forced him out or felt threatened, this is all on his own.”

Really? Letís examine the Wolverineís involvement with the leagues “B.T.” (Latin for “before Tibbs”) and “A.GED.” (Latin for “in the year of our Tibbs”) and let the CAC nation decide why I am now so 2000 and late.


If Youíre Going To Put Bodies on Exhibit, They Should Be Dead First

∑         BT: Reffed 3 straight nights of quality games a week at the CAC and made tons of extra cash to support my extravagant lifestyle.  Who cares if I had to put up with the dynamic duo of the Lighthouse and the Jet – it was all you can eat steak and chicks!

∑         A.GED.: Reffing only the C league on Monday nights at the Kennedy Museum. I am now pretty much a CAC relic on display between 6-8PM for new CACers to come by and gaze at. Is this what O’Cal meant when he told me I was inducted into the CAC Hall of Fame earlier this year?


I Was Expressing Myself With My Full Capabilities; And Now Iím Living In Correctional Facilities.

∑         BT: Headlined the “Outside the Walls” blog section (which I coined, by the way) of the website with a very handsome photo of myself.  Shameless interviews, awards, trip recounts, movie reviews, and social commentaries. My online fan-base was rivaled only by Ashton Kutcher and Perez Hilton.

∑         AGED: Have you seen my blog picture now? And now I have been placed on the bottom rung of the blogosphere below the deadly fold, behind the likes of JBerr (who has recently been canned), the Sergeon (who has done exactly 1.5 blogs despite having the blog infrastructure in place for about 9 years running) and BFab (do I really need to explain this one?).


Time Slips Away And Leaves With you With Nothing Mister, But…

∑         BT: Won 5 “A” league titles, one 3-on-3 title, and at one time was the all-time CAC leading scorer and rebounder (well, b/c Poulos skipped a summer league and Chise had just joined). I know Preston, Poulos wasn’t that great…

∑         AGED: I show up to pick-up once in a while now and have guys ask me what my name is. I have no idea how to respond to this question, so I usually just say some guy’s username on the boards that I don’t know, like “calisurfer” or “m3”.


Mo’ Money, Mo’ Problems

∑         BT: Commish and I used to have regular powwows about how we can make the leagues better.  Ideas like painting the courts, championship banners, no towels for non-members, and increasing league fees every year for no real reason were all born over a few Celtics games.

∑         AGED: Actually, thank G-O-D that I don’t have to deal with “the customer” anymore.


Three’s A Crowd Was An Actual Spin-off of Three’s Company

∑         BT: Reffed both days of the 3 on 3 tournaments – all day! I made some serious cash in exchange for permanent, psychological damage that definitely now makes me punchy, despite the fact I have never taken a blow to the head.

∑         AGED: The last 3 on 3 was mysteriously scheduled when I was on vacation. Meanwhile, O’Cal is now driving a Lexus!


Home Is Where Your CAC Is

∑         BT: Made it to the finals of the Saugus GOAT twice, once with OD and once with Chise’s brother. I was also the first non-doctor to observe “walking heat stroke” in a human circa 2005 – the day after Taitlin was infamously born.

∑         AGED: Havenít been able to make the last few GOATs and not sure if I’d even get an entry now that the thing is opened up to the CACers.  Is nothing sacred?


Blame It On The Blue Tap, Got You Feeling Dizzy…

∑         BT: LNOs were filled with plenty of texting, gum chewing, free drinks, make-out sessions – all followed up by a few MWA awards. And that was when nobody was actively trying to win them. This celebreality status also spilled over to drinks on the town with the likes of Rick Flair, Cameron Diaz, and MC Hammer.

∑         AGED: Crickets. Do we still have these? Someone shoot me a text? And the last celebrity I saw was the guy from Living Color at Vox. The band, not the show.


So, as you can see, my life B.T. was filled with tons of cash, blogging, winning, and socializing with the beautiful people.  And now in the A.GED. era? I only get to ref in a living museum, I have had my web photos defaced beyond recognition, and I have been frozen out of the CAC social scene.  We all know that association does not necessary mean causation, but