Wolverine Trap: J-Loh

This weekís Trap guest is none other than the B2 East top rated player and leader of the unbeaten Average Joeís J-Loh. This kid burst onto the scene last season and even almost had his career ended by a few hard fouls by Serenity Now in the playoffs, but he reacted with the great class that CAC is all about. Wait, thatís not really what we are all about, but it sounds pretty good. Letís get to know a little more about the man simply known as J-Loh.

Wolverine: Welcome to the Trap, JLoh.

JLoh: This is one of the top events of my week outside of Super Tuesday at Subway and the new issue of Improper Bostonian.

Wolverine: I consider this your ìHello Worldî CAC moment, the same type of moment as when I introduced the ìLocal Heroî Ed Finn and John ìIn the Zoneî Mazzone to the CAC world at the 3 on 3 tourney a few years back. It pretty much changed their lives from what I can tell, yet I have not received one thank you card, so I am not sure if they view it as a positive event. Are you sure you are ready for this?

JLoh: With the writerís strike going on, I donít have my top material at hand. You have the rare opportunity to see the talent in front of the talent. My make-up team and stylist are still here so the audience will get what it came to see. Whatís the difference between a badger and a wolverine?

Wolverine: Iíll be asking the questions here, J-Loh. Ok, here goes. First off, as always, the softballs ñ where are you from, whereíd you play your college ball, are you really related to Chip Lohmiller, etc.?

JLoh: I grew up in a town of 889 in Minnesota. Boston has Fever Pitch, the Midwest has Hoosiers. Only there werenít any hot teachers and our warm up music was Jock Jams v1. 

Wolverine: At Saugus High, we warmed up to Ralph Tresvantís Rated R and Troopís Thatís My Attitude. Not sure who we thought we were.

JLoh: I went to Bentley, where I befriended my first Irishman, rode in a taxi, and discovered cable television. I learned to play bruising basketball without jumping ability (CAC style) from the Womenís Bball squad and ran the intramural tables with Kevin Ostrander (Charlestown fame) and Albert (B1 North big man of the year).  I own 12 of Chipís football cards and he still hasnít contacted me.

Wolverine: KO has some ties to my own hometown. Have you ever been to Route 1, Saugus?

JLoh:  Iíve been to Chelsea, same thing?

Wolverine: Iíll pretend I didnít hear that. Do you really think suicides before a B2 East game is an absolute necessity?

JLoh: Is Wolverine checking himself out in the CAC mirror necessary? 

Wolverine: That mirror checks me out!

JLoh: Are celebrity voices in animated movies necessary? Is a prohibitive $10 open gym charge on the weekends necessary?  These are questions that everyone has to answer for themselves

Wolverine: OK, fair enough. You recently ran a 5K road race in 26:49, a lightening fast 8:49 per mile. Are you even in game shape right now? And just how many pieces of candy did you take from my bag on Halloween eve after your game?

JLoh: A recent article showed that jogging was a top way to meet women.  3.1 miles of the view trailing your girlfriendís spandex definitely gives it credit, Iíll improve when she improves.  I can outlast guys over 50 lbs bigger than me, so Iíd say Iím in shape.  The candy tasted a little funny and I failed my Olympic drug test the next day.

Wolverine: As you can tell by my last question, Googling you pretty much came up empty. And when I emailed some of your fellow teammates about getting some dirt on you, they failed to respond (which canít bode well for them getting any calls and you know the Kopter is a ticking time bomb). Do you have some Belicheck like stranglehold on your players?

JLoh: You should have gone with Facebook. How old are you? 

Wolverine: There should be a CAC version of Facebook. Tibbs, can you make this happen?

JLoh: Anyway, the less teams know about our ball-handling skills, the better.

Wolverine: Speaking of the Patriots, do you think that sending one of your teammates to ìTuesdays with Sergeryî at Boca Grande to spy on me and the Surgeon was a violation of CACís anti-spying rules? And what is your general view on asterisks?

JLoh: Complete fabrication, spying and scouting are two completely different activities.  I didnít see a camera and neither did anyone else there. I think asterisks are yet another sign that our society is getting soft. Lead paint, dodgeball, ridiculing losers, steroids ñ all chalked up to asterisks.

Wolverine: How did you hear about CAC and what makes it such a unique experience than any other hoop league in the city?

JLoh: None other than the GM of the Year, Westersvelt. As a first year employee just trying to make a name with my Excel skills, Kevin took a long shot and brought me to Morse, two weeks in a row; the CAC gym has felt short ever since.  He accurately painted a picture of a bunch of clowns running a league, kegs at 3-on-3 tourneys, and LNOs; all of which are huge strengths.

Wolverine: Speaking of which, in light of Tibbsí recent appointment as CAC President, do you think the next president of this country should also be a female?

JLoh: Tibbs has the best perm Iíve seen. Canada is a short drive away and I can talk about ice fishing and bacon grease sandwiches all day.

Wolverine: Have you and the Good King Adam Kneeland made amends for last seasonís playoff incident where you were on the receiving end of two very hard fouls by his Serenity Now squad in a desperate attempt for Serenity to keep their title?

JLoh: I take the hard fouls as a compliment. Iím a relatively laid back guy, I think Average Joeís would have cleared the bench if required. Itís a new season and getting my name on the wall is my only focus.

Wolverine: Despite losing Eric Korpalski and having guys nicknamed ìSparklesî ìKopterî and ìWestersveltî on the squad this season, the Joeís are 8-0 and look unbeatable. How do you explain your teamís success thus far?

JLoh: ìOur teamís success is based upon a well balanced attackÖlike lionsÖonly exerting enough energy to make the kill. I basically show up to psych out the other team with my suicides. The big guns on the team are Sparkles and KopterÖthose guys are something special.î My name is J-Loh, and I approved this message.

Wolverine: Is it true that ìKopterî played a minor strategic role in the OJ Simpson memorabilia heist in Las Vegas and may be lost for the playoffs due to his required testimony?

JLoh: Just another sign of the Man trying to hold us back from a championship. Heís off the hook and will be our defensive terror every night.

Wolverine: Who are your toughest tests in the B2 East and upcoming playoffs, both individually and as a team?

JLoh: Itís hard to beat any one person 5 times in a row, so Iím going to have to go with the Good Kingís Serenity Now. They run a lot and Adam talks a lot of trash out there.  Personally, Iím competing against my B1 self, ever an offensive threat, heís stepping it up on defense and has an edge not seen before.

Wolverine: Jessica Simpson has recently been quoted as saying she wants a ìBoston guyî because of their charming personalities. As Jessica is a regular reader of this column which probably spurned the comment itself, care to make your pitch right here?

JLoh: Iím a sophisticated gentleman looking for a woman of equal caliber. Iíll move back to the country before dropping my Rís and quoting Good Will Hunting to pick up a chick.

Wolverine: Iíd do just about anything to chew some caramels with Jessica. Ok, be honest, do you even know what ìsub-primeî means?

JLoh: My rent, last weekís B1 North write-up, Boston closing times, Spaethís nickname, Brittney Spears, MFS Investments. I took a girl to Davioís once and the steak was uninspired.

Wolverine: You took a girl to Davioís on a date? Was she 50? Thanks for being on this weekís Trap, JLoh.

JLoh: Iím looking forward to the 3-on-3 tourney.  I saw an archived clip of when you were still playing. Kind of a Greg Ostertag type player?

Wolverine: Hey, the Jazz would have never went to all those NBA Finals if it were not for Ostertag and his 6 hard fouls per game!