X Marks the Mailbag

That’s right CACers, this is the tenth installment of my clearly ripped off “Mailbag” series!  I post some of the fantastic emails/texts/gchats/social media messages that I receive between and during seasons, along with my less than witty commentary on the topics.

I can’t do this without your contributions, however. Keep sending me your mail, no matter how inane, annoying, or pointless! CACBasketball@gmail.com for the 5342nd time.  Yes, i’ve posted my email nearly as many times as I’ve posted on the boards.

As always, I put myself on blast (bold) because it’s my damn blog and I can do what I want!

space: pre-wrap;”>Onto your contributions!

So Da Bronco is like a rookie.  Was great, could still be great, OR married life has left him fat and happy…There you go mailbag #10’s first entry ~Captain Covert
I couldn’t agree more, on any of those counts.  Covert was very nervous on where to draft ‘Mone a couple seasons ago.  And now he’s just plain hurt which is bad for all of us.  You need Da Bronco in your life. ‘Mone was one of the few ‘original guys’ left! So few, so few.

Hey Tibbs – This may seem a little creepy, but I thought I would ask anyway.  Were you by chance down the cape yesterday? Possibly in the Chocolate Sparrow? ~Stalker Maria
Why yes, that IS very creepy, Anytime I don’t answer your emails on Thursday or Friday it means I’m in Orleans with the lovely wifey. I’m either fattening up (you’re right Gerrity) on the Sparrow’s chocolate, Mahoney’s tuna sashimi or Hole in One’s DONUTS! Love that town. I’m glad the Ladies made a contribution to this email.  Actually, they’ve sent me a lot of complaints in the past, I just don’t post them.

Me and Sitch DMac and Situation
Best pic ever? Best.Pic.Ever.
You all know I can’t get enough of the Jersey Shore cast of characters, hell all my free agent team names are usually genereated from the show, so the only way this pic could have been any better was if DMac was also flashing the 6 pack!

Dude you don’t want my input for the B2 awards? ~Koz
I’ve never actually had a ref ask if they could drop their 2 cents on the awards. Of course, Koz isn’t just a ref, he’s a Playa!  He was on point with most of them, and even called the following upset that actually happened in the East FINALS, before the playoffs started
“For my money its WC over CC in the finals….Greer is a bigger more dominant version of Watson, with more of a mean streak as well..if healthy they win it…”
Yea, he called the 7 seed over the 1 seed in round 3, before the first round even started! Kozadamus over here

Hey JT, (Nice dick in a box reference there, you like that?) ~ Hal Hamora
The rest of the email isn’t even relevant, I just like the opening line, as my JT man love surpasses the combined love of RoY-VP, Kid Flash, Lush, RoboCop, MNicey and the rest of the B2 East combined

Hi Tom a.k.a. RoY, – I just wanted to comment on your write-ups about our team’s (Any Means Necessary) play. While I agree with some of your comments, it’s somewhat aggravating when we play a relatively good game against an undefeated team, to hear that it was all about the other team’s poor play when we were doing a lot of things well…. ~Anon
The author goes on to explain they have a stacked schedule, have never played together before, etc.  Sure the email isn’t to me, but all good scribes get some version of this eventually (except O’Cal, who never actually mentions any of the basketball games) and has been reprinted with RoY’s permission. And only then because he bugged me to put it in the LAST mailbag.
Hey guess what people, the scorekeepers are biased to the players/teams that they know! Go Figure!

Since drafts are coming up I think you should get one of the CAC girls teams to name themselves Vajazzle. Google it noob! ~ Lappy
No, I will Not Google It! and I think you meant “Balls Out” Lappy!

A) don’t let terry know i’m coverin him…act like you are.  talk about how that is the matchup of the game and stuff  (Tibbs vs. Henderson)
B) obv make them big favorites – good shit 2nite, later ~Ozzy Osgood
You think I let that punk cover terry? F no, that’s my man! I mean assignment.  Yea, that’s it. Anyway, I carried Ozzy’s @$$ to the Finals and he knows it (hence why we lost).

Can you take off the turnovers on the b2north week three (Spring ’10) game because Matty is a little Biatch thank you ~Earthquake
I love it when stat-keepers go out of their way to track one guy’s turnovers.  You can all ALWAYS post JTho’s turnovers and I promise to never take them down! Also, this email is even more funny after went down in week 2 of the b2 north action!

Hey, The shout out to my pops was pretty timely with Father’s Day and all… Now, aside from the lecture on scoring and winning, I will also get the talk on the birds and the bees (kidding, we had that talk last year).  I guess I can’t complain, I enjoy the prompt write-ups -I need something to do at work.  ~FENNel Seed
Glad I can help those talks along. That’s TWO women who play in our leagues that made the mailbag!

Hi Laura, Could I bother you for the Wombat’s player jersey numbers, this will help me facilitate defense assignments. Might not be a bad idea implementing jersey numbers next to player names on website,  ~AFB
Man I don’t even have the words to break down this email, oh wait, YES I DO! Sure, this didn’t actually go to me, but LWeezey was kind enough to pass it along. Every ‘Bag we’ll have an email BREAKDOWN, starting now…

Hi Laura, Could I bother you
First reaction from myself (I can’t speak for Laura): Anytime someone says ‘could i bother you’ it immediately because a bother even if its the simplest request ever.  The odds of me now doing whatever tedious thing you’re about to ask drop by 10 fold.
; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;”>for the Wombat’s player jersey numbers
Absolutely not, that’s why you scout other teams during the season as a dedicated captain should.  As a scorekeeper, yes, i have all the players numbers next to their name on the statsheet, but do you know what i do with those after I post the writeups?! I BURN THEM!!  I do not want to think about your game any longer than necessary.  Hence why my writeups are so timely so far this season.
this will help me facilitate defense assignments.
Might not be a bad idea
Yes, yes it is.  Any idea that is not my own is inherently bad, or useless or can be put on the back-burner until it’s expiration date for effectiveness has passed.
implementing jersey numbers next to player names on website
HAHAHAHA!  If, as expected, players only had one jersey (or jersey number) this might be feasible. Or, if player IDs weren’t into the 5000s now, but no, not realistic, we can’t even get full names for some players!
just a thought.
If only I had them on occasion.  I’m exhausted, moving on.

I went thru the “Loose Balls with Tibbs” and put together the “meet the irate ambassadors” and the playoff preview for 2006 ….where he said we had a relentless desire to piss everyone off..pretty good read…..i wanted to keep on file….and wanted to share…. ~ Mad Dog Tino aka Sticks
People read stuff after i post it?!? Awesome!!

I drafted Majic #3 overall sight unseen.  ~Good King
Thanks for reminding me that half the sh!t i put in the write-ups is made up on the spot (80% probably). I just wanted to bash Five Hard Fouls for taking a complete unknown in the second round of the A1 draft when I WAS STILL ON THE BOARD!  Yea, turns out it’s worked so far for both of us. Way more wins than we got last season and we’re only in week 3.

Before we close, I’m introducing a very special segment to the mailbags.  It’s almost like ‘Guess that Score-keeper’ but NOT with their ‘write-ups’ with their craigslist responses!  Surprise!  I get a lot of emails in response to our Craigslist ‘ads’ so I need somewhere to air them (no not the ones that used to be in the adult services section, that was only O’Cal).

I am inquiring about the Stat Keeper position listed on Craigslist for the upcoming basketball season at CAC.

Although I have no prior working experience as a basketball stat keeper, I am a lifelong basketball fan who is very familiar with the sport.  My familiarity with the sport comes as a result of playing, watching, coaching (Belmont Youth Basketball Association) and of course Fantasy Basketball (exclusively stat driven).

In addition, my professional work experience has been in the finance field in which a good percentage of my responsibility is reporting stats and providing in depth detailed narrative reporting on particular topics.

I am writing in response to your ad listed on craigslist.  I have been an avid sports fan my entire life, with basketball being my passion.  I have always written about my love of the game both as a reporter for my school paper years ago, and editorially for myself, friends and family over the years.  I have long been looking for an outlet that combines my passion for sports and my passion for writing, and I believe this opportunity is just that.

Can you the difference between these two potential scorekeepers?  Neither can I, and that’s why some of them flame out, and some of them are awesome! You know who you are.

We’re going to finally close this historic Mailbag (X!!) with the longest email to ever make it into the ‘bag. I couldn’t edit it, it’s just fantastic.

I ask you, Commish, where in these blogs do you recognize the value of the mediocre player?  The 5th man on the 4 man team that legitimizes a group of A-League players participating in a B2 league?  The man who enters the game and immediately highlights the value of the original starting lineup?  The man who provides the turnovers that lead to steals? The man who must play in “everybody plays” leagues, because every draft league immediately trades him for next seasons concessions?   Without this player, you would have no league, for every matchup would be even, and every shot would be contested.

You are missing several key categories that recognize the value of this unrecognized star.  I propose you begin tracking the following:

  1. ·         “Inverse Player Rate” – Recognizing players who’s stat sheets could be mistaken for a DNP, were it not for the FGA, TO, and Foul categories
  2. ·         “Movement Away from the Ball” – Measure the proportion of sweat to amount of time handling the ball
  3. ·         “Falling Down” – Number of times falling down during a game for no apparent reason
  4. ·         “Dan Complaints” – The number of times Dan Watson complains about them to the ref
In the Billy Bean era, these missed stats are a glaring absence.  I can’t imagine I’m the first to highlight this.  Every championship team has a wart to hide.  Don’t hide him behind the waterboy in the team photo.  Let’s bring this person into the limelight. ~Swinty
I had to reprint it in its entirety specifically for that last made up stat. Made my week that one and not many of the emails I get do.
Good Luck this season and Keep the messages coming CACers!