10 Reasons Why you NEED to go to Jillians this Saturday for JBerr’s BDay

Our beloved cougar in training is turning the Big 25 this Saturday @ Jillianís Bar (Yes, I have already exhausted every insult to throw at her for throwing her birthday party at a place that is named after her IE ìJBerr, you know the bar isnít named after you because it isnít called ëThe Big Easyíî Hi-ooooooooooooooooooo.  Nothin but love lady….See what I mean, what girl in this day and age can you make a joke like that too?  Iíll tell you who, the awesomest broad that CAC has to offer and if you aint there on Saturday night to buy her a drink and celebrate (hhhuuuuuk- spitting noise) youíre dead to CAC.

Here are the 10 Reasons why YOU need to be there and I will try to throw in as many dirty jokes as possible…

 

1)  Kiss the ring ñ If JBerr covers your league, you need to be there to buy her a drink so she continues to stroke your ego…and stroke more if youíre lucky ;)…

 

2) Domesticfication – I cant wait to see what the First Lady and the Pres AKA Taitlin fight over this time when they are hammered.  Seeing them out drunk is like a sober night at the Clinton residence: there is always awkward fighting going on and no one is getting laid…

 

3)  JBerrís NEWLY SINGLE LEGAL AGE SISTERS will be there ñ with the exception of ìlegal ageî that just may be the sweetest sentence ever uttered for all you single men out there who are looking to ìwork the glass.î  Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeboooooooooooooound!!!!  Chicks on the rebound + sauced up = A CAC Love Connection… (Unfortunately JBerr was the only Berry not born with standards so this section may be a fabrication)

 

4)  Macho + BRip buying him piss warm tequila = Macho not seeing midnight…

 

5)   With all the ladies from the basketball league out and booziní statistics are in your favor fellas that one of them will get so drunk that they will forget they are too good for you.  Chicken Hawk that ish…

 

6)  Tequila Rain is right down stairs…They have a wet T-Shirt contest.  And guess who will be so drunk this will sound like a good idea?  Yup, our birthday girl…

 

7)  If you a gentleman like myself who is above all sense of pre-marital lust, you will enjoy observing from the sidelines seeing every single guy jockey for position to be the one who gets to give JBerr her birthday ìmake outî.  I expect seeing guys putting X-Lax in other guys drinks, a lot of ìmay I cut inîs on the dance floor, and even more drunken predator stalking…

 

8)   The World Series will be on those big ass Plasmas so we can watch….Well, the Ohio State game will be on at least…

 

9)  Doesnít anyone else think its just like college at every CAC function?  Seriously, we got people getting kicked out bars for falling all over the place, we got people flashing their alter-egos, we got the always popular drunken hook ups, and we always get frustrated athletes bothering the CAC employees about how we either did not give them enough assists or mention them in a write up…What more can you ask for short of a ìSTREAK!!!  Weíre going streaking!!! Down the Quad to the gymnasium…You, you bring youíre green hatî

 

10)  Hot Dog Trick…With all the carts around Fenway, you know we are going to get a Hot Dog Trick one way or another…

 

Of course I could go on and on about why YOU need to be there Saturday night for JBerr’s bday, but if you dont show up to shower our JBerr with birthday goodness I will be telling everyone you have VD.  And not the cool VD that is treatable with penicilian, the icky other stuff.  Not scared?  Yeah, I dont blame you, everyone knows I’m not that much of a talker…