You wanted a my opinion, you got it. Iíve taken a lot of time, way too much in fact, pondering over these teams and the schedule, attempting to foresee potential outcomes. And not unlike most races involving politics, the results are 70% popularity/attractiveness, 20% bribery/flattery (Iím not above either) and 10% substance and legitimacy. Since I call the shots, you might say that this is my kingdom and youíre my people and we know damn well we werenít all created equal (woah, somebody get this kid a Grammy). That said, please donít cream yourselves as I flatter you, or in most cases offend you with the JBerr ratings and where I see your team placing in this Feudalistic Empire of the 5v5 B
These lucky beastards get all the love. Most were born into royalty (ie: kicked ass last season) and those who werenít earned their spot on the battlefield and of course by flashin their personality. What can I sayÖIím a sucker for charm.
1. Running Backwards: At this junction, these guys are my favorite for taking the league. So what Iíve only seen them play once (ok now twice)!? When you waltz in loudly with your charming demeanor, tall stature & confident swagger, heads will ROLL. It doesnít hurt to knock-off the league champions while youíre at it. BOLO (be on the lookout for) Brad ìOfficerî Wyman. Why officer? Letís just say Iíve had a run in with an Officer Wyman before, so it just naturally rolls off the tongue. Officer Wyman is the RB point man with a poised handle and an abundance of kinetic energy that his team feeds off of. Chuck ìDr Troyî Beynon is the RB head of operations, acting as their main spokesperson, fountain of bsÖI mean inspiration, and is one hell of a banger on the floor! Just donít mess with his hair, or his face!! The ìLiLî Man of the bunch, Charlie ìTis theî Szeniawski to Score will be expected to put up some big numbers for his guys, which should be no problem if he shoots that mid-range like he did in week #1. I realize this is a risky choice given their minimal exposure to the leagues, get over it. I deal in risky business.
2. ODB: Returning Champs are back and looking none the weaker with the loss of finals MVP Phil VanV, Mr. Friday 13th from the roster. The Rolls Royce says heíll only be out a few weeks, smells fishy to me, I bet heís just trying to bolster his playa rata by playing in fewer gamesÖsneaky, sneaky. But while heís out (ok, so he was only gone a weekóCLEARLY this is evidence that I started writing this WEEKS ago), Billy Durbrow has transitioned in flawlessly looking to be one of the leagues top defenders. Additionally, ODB has added Jon Itís in My Butt(ler) to be a vicious outside threat which will take some of the pressure off Cheese, Jackles and Kip to drop 3ís. This will free Kip up to be an inside threat and help in board crashing and slicing through the lanes. Pistol Pete will no doubt continue to do a fine job @ the healm, entertaining the league with his off-color explicit outbursts as he continues to be one of the stand-out lead vocalists in the leagueóI smell repeat. Expected to struggle in the first few weeks, this team will come back strong and make a late surge for the ëchip no doubt.
3. Saugus Blades: These guys were front runners last season and I predict nothing less for the fall. KO is successfully the lightest heavyweight @ CAC and even though he is the only size to speak of [before Big Lu took the court] on the Blades he does a tremendous jobówhen heís not in the house the Blades will struggle this season with all the height in this league so hopefully his attendance is as consistent as my triple-single nights in the womenís league. With KO holding down the paint, Mike D. blowing assists on the baseline, that is when he isnít fathering his FIFTH child, and Mt Zermanious aka Z for 3 erupting from downtown the Blades can stage a powerful offensive coupóespecially if JSar starts showing up. Defensively, no oneís got hands as fast as The Hunter, one of the top-rated hustlers in the league and with Nasty Nazz to be a little bit of everywhere, even 2 places @ once Iím confident the Blades will take part in the league domination.
4. The Corporation: If anyone knows how to Git ëErrr doooone itís these guys. Last season they went nearly undefeated falling to ODB in the championship game. They may only win by small margins, but no one knows how to seal it like they do. Talented because of their versatility and generous court options, The Corp knows how to pull out a win better than anyone. No team should ever feel safe with their lead when playing against this team, because they will never stop coming back at you. And look, I just wrote 5 sentences without saying 1 individual name, NOT because I donít know them, but because they are the best all around un-selfish team players. Pete Mugar Omni Theater is a ravenous defender with a confident handle and a knack for netting the ballóletís just say he could light up the sky, Josh Farnsworth offers a deadly advantage as an outside shooter with a ton of size and Gauvin is a beanpole of mega proportions in the paint, able to sink clutch baskets in crunchtime (game winner in the semi-fianls). Riordan & Smith will both be relied on for double-doubles and without any roster changes (as far as I can see) I foresee another successful season for the Corporation.
The Vassals A mix of new and old faces these are teams that will likely all clump in the middle of this league thatís usually wrapped up tighter than my mouth around a hot dog (is this analogy getting old yet?) As always, anyone could break out at the end of the season to take it allóor they could be up 10 on the Corp with 5 minutes to go in the semi-final game and still manage lose. Smoothe move, Silky smooth.
5. ClownShoes: BFrat managed to free himself from the dead weight of his self-destructing Little Nasty team and has nestled himself in nicely with fellow A1ers Magic and Dinh and I must say they compliment one another nicely. I think Cake n Sprinkles gets the credit for corralling all these guys together, but he only wants the recognition if things go well. From what I saw after week #1 (2Öand 3ówhoops!) Iíd say these Clowns have a fighting chance. I predict they will fall at the top of the middle, Iíd bet 2 wins over .500. Magic will definitely be called upon to dominate offensively for his team, and I have no doubt that he will be able to step in to do this. So far so good with the knee, but how about running the FULL court length!? Then again, he could always just chuck ëem from half court and call it a day. With the right counterparts BFratís speed and agility will help him to plentiful fastbreaks and successful drives to the hoop. He and Dinh look good together (no homo ñ apparently thatís supposed to be funny) and should be able to play off each other all season long. Meanwhile on the inside, Bibbity Bobbity Bibbo & buddy Magic should clean up the boards and take control of the paint. Im not confident in the rest of their roster as Conolly still needs to prove himself and the rest of the guys still need to show up!!
6. Silky Johnson:As talented league veterans they are probably feeling the shaft (Iíll tell you whose shaft I wanna feel) in this ìmid-viewî more than anyone. AOís already proving that he wants to reclaim his defensive title sitting commandingly atop the defensive PR, but more than that I think he wants to lead Silky to the title. Truthfully these guys have tremendous potential, especially now that theyíve signed AOís buddy FishGill for a 1 season contract. The Alius is one of the best bangers in this league good for a consistent 10/10 on any given night. And if they can just get him to show up, Justin Rohn could easily be one of the top scorers, much like I am in my extra-curricular league. Casey Miles & Mike Haven add speed, handling and shooting abilities and Matt Rollinson comes from the hard-knock school of hustlers rounding out this talented bunch. So why 7th? Because much like the late Little Nasty <<bleeeeeeeech>> Dynasty they have a way of self-imploding from time to time, gettiní in their own way and throwin away games that they should have owned. I like these guys despite their short-comings and hope to see some good stuff from them this season.
7. Hostile Takeover: Yeah, I know theyíre not gonna like this but just consider it tough love. Coming together last season I watched these guys succeed far more than expected. Khalid emerged as one of the leagues sharpest shooters with the smoothest handle, by and large propelling HT up the rankings. Other returning starlettes include Squinn, Kareoke & Jean Claude Van Tran who all serve to make this team a highly competitive opponent providing defensive prowess, a fly-swatting menace of a block, sweet lil raindrops and a long range bomb . New additions include Wonít You Be My Naber and The Bearded Avenger who is totally in a league of his own. I donít know WHAT award to give this guy yet, but mark my words heís getting one!! I expect this team will flitter about the middle going a game or so over 500 and then making a strong run for the play-offs, and who knows, maybe even Sergery will be back in action by then?!? HT can only hopeÖnot.
8. Bombadiers: A team of fresh new faces will definitely be looking to earn respect this season in a league whose competition is stiffer than the Commish when he counts up everyoneís paid league fees. In the first few weeks theyíve shown some promising moments behind the leadership of Slow ëem Down Ryan Brown (I just made that up on the spot) who serves as the teamís lead man & spokesperson. Eddie Brisettte backs him up on the bass, using his fast hands and faster feet to convert thievery into quick transition buckets. From what Iíve seen the Bombs are like me on vodka, they put out way too quickly leaving them nothing but disappointment at the end. Honestly, I think they will struggle, but I wouldnít be surprised if they break some necks if they can make it into the post-seaon.
Not quite slaves, not quite free these bottom feeders will be doing everything they can to prove me wrong, causing upsets, being valiant underdogs, shaking up the rankings & bouncing back after tough losses to continue the fight for the title. The league wouldnít be what it is without these scrappy & hustle-y teams in the mix. Whether youíre new or youíve been around just remember how very little value my opinion has, except when it comes to hotdogs (too soon?).
9. HTown Ballers: Impartialityís out the window and my Skeletal ìpreviewî is seeing the chiropractor because it needs to be ìadjustedî. Who are we kidding?? I was never impartial to begin with! I just happened to see a lil bit of a spark in HTown, or a twinkle in Coach Kozís eye, no matter, I think they still have plenty to show this league that it hasnít seen yet. Neil Strong Arms more or less carries his team, dominating the court with his height and determination. Forget walkin on the moon, heíd rather walk all over his opponents!! Until heís better, which is allegedly soon, Coach Koz will just have to stick to offering his boys commentary chock full of wisdom from the sidelines, such as suggesting to Seth that he stop yelling at the refs, or urging Peter to take his shots, what have you. And, once he gets back on the courtówill he have lost a step or will he be the same player I saw in the A league a season ago lighting up the court from all angles just Koz he can?
10. Mustard Gas: Once again, I really donít get to see these guys at all this season so they will have to count on gettiní all their love from none other than the unlovable and unloving Terrycloth, good luck guys! Based on the stats, it looks like things arenít off to the smoothest start, but look at the bright side BWad, at least they let you back into the leagues! Grogget, Fraher & Halliday are going to need to really step it up to help carry this team to any victories this season especially since I foresee match-up problems for this team who lacks in height and size.
11. Slow Dance Mondays: And finally, my favs, the golden oldies! This is a great group of guys who will give any team a run for their moneyÖin the first half. They just canít seem to keep it upÖtheir momentum. But speaking of Vivvaaaaa Viagraóhow classic are those commercials that play between innings of the sox game. For erections lasting up to 4 hours, consult your physician. Anyways, back to SDM, Danny Ryan and his boys can still shamefully run the court faster than yours truly and Bill McC & Dennis Clarke both have some Birdish moves in the paint and on the baseline while FitzP is always looking to hustle and push the ball and is consistent with the open jay. These guys might squeak out a win here or there & cause a few upsets but in general they seem happy to just be playing, which is why their good old fashioned bball style is so welcomed by the league.