Your team will NOT win the Brick
The preseason rankings are as follows, but instead of a breakdown of why each team is ranked where they are, youíre going to get a reason, or in most cases, reasons, why that team will NOT be hoisting the Brick at the end of the playoffs. Just like last season, it looks like all of the teams actually have a great shot at finishing the regular season with the best record. Parity rules!! Of course, I’ve been wrong before (most notably when it comes to judging my own team’s talents). Most likely, teams will imploded for reasons I havenít entirely expected or commented on, like Little Nasty and the Sex Panthers of the past. But you know, I’m not usually wrong, otherwise I wouldn’t have this blog. Every team has a shot at their ultimate life’s goal, but sometimes it just doesn’t work out. Obviously some team HAS to win, but here are the reasons that it won’t be yours.
Kneeland and Filosa have inspired me
- Warrior Code – McMahon isnít here to carry Filosa to another championship, so you can cross these guys off the list right away. Keeping these guys on the same page will be tough. Tosti is never completely in the game when coming off the bench, and the post may be too stacked for Gallagher to be effective. Look for a refís whistle to fittingly do these guys in come postseason play.
- 7AM in P-Town – Josh doesn’t want that team name hanging on a banner, but aside from that, these guys may just have too much depth. And cheaters never win. We all know O’Cal sandbagged one of his buddies in the 5th round. Nice try Sean but sneaky maneuvers like only land you in a 10 by 10 cell with the guys from Enron.
- Drunk in the Trunk – I put this team together for one reason and one reason only; to play the entire season from the wing. That’s right, I’m going to hoist a record number of 3s for a guy that will shoot under 25% from international waters. In fact, if all goes according to plan, I’ll have implemented the 3-point shooting percentage stat in time for this season just to see how historically bad I truly shoot. (That strategy isn’t going to get it done in the post-season and I may have a team mutiny by week 3.)
- Passing Ruffians – Cheese veered off course and could have drafted a team with serious chemistry issues with a plodding half court offense. Or they could very well be the toughest, smartest team that will run the floor non-stop for easy buckets. That’s the problem with this squad, I don;t know what to make of them. And I’m scared of things I can’t identify with. Therefore, they must suck! .
- Evil Petting Zoo – Well it can’t get any worse than last season, but that doesn’t mean chemistry won’t still be a problem. Both Gary and Kenny on the same squad? There is only so much the reigning MVP will be able to do to keep those guys in line.
- Shroud of Turin – This is the smallest team in the league. Edwards has drafted plenty of great shooters, but Brady is going to need some help in the post to overcome all the other bigs in the L. Not to mention that these were the guys (GP, Brady, Edwards) that kept the Sex Panthers from playing for the Brick. Iíll never forgive them for that.
- Cousin Gilbert – Ah, another run for a ‘Team of Destiny’. We all know that a ‘Team of Destiny’ has to come out of nowhere, and no one can expect them to win. We also know that ‘Teams of Destiny’ don’t really exist. I swear, if I force myself to type ‘Team of Destiny’ one more time, I may just throw my keyboard through my monitor. Don’t think I won’t. There is absolutely no depth on this squad. The playoff games are called completely different than in the regular season, and this will haunt them. Will this finally be the season that Turin realizes that heís never going to win the big one with Jrod on his side? Hint: no, and blame the GM and the fact that ‘Teams of Destiny’ don’t exist.
- Pittsburgh Pices – Tommy Kahana will be so focused on winning a second RoY (in the A2) that it’s going to severely hurt his teamís chance to win the Brick. Already this squad has seen more players come and go than the C’s under Petino, not exactly a promising start. Al’s rumored to be both hurt and out of shape. Plus, it’s a proven fact that he can’t beat me in the playoffs.
- Gang Green – Allyn asked for the low ranking because he knows that no one besides the Patriots play the disrespect card as well as CPW6. But Williams may need a few weeks to work the kinks out from his international travels, and by then it may be too late. Clancy and Manning will be struggling for control of Alpha dog status throughout the season, and don’t expect it to be a quiet affair.
- Smooth This – Serge sold his soul to always get the first pick, but his seasons haven’t been working out as planned. Not only is Trevor paired with Dirty again (see CTU) but heís already hurt and going to miss time early in the season. This team isn’t even making the playoffs, no disrespect to former MVP Knepshield, but these guys are in trouble. .
Think your team deserves a higher ranking or that I grossly underestimated you? Donít forget to let me know how you feel! You may just make the next mailbag