You Stay Classy, CRFC
Seeing as how everyone ‘loved’î the preview for the A1, I thought of going in a different direction when coming up with commentary for the B1 East. And by ‘loved’ hopefully you all know I meant that in a “Tibbs sucks’ kind of love. So we’ll be taking a look at the B1 East with the help of Ron Burgandy and the Channel 4 New Team. Ití’s by far the best movie Ferrellís done, screw Talladegah, and if you don’t agree, I will fight you!
1. Vance Refrigeration – “I don’t know how to put this, but I’m kind of a big deal. I’m very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.”
These guys will be working all season to convince the rest of the B1 East that they belong. After reigning supreme in the B2 East last season, theyve decided to step it up a notch just to prove how big of a deal they really are. This is a lofty perch for a brand new team to hold coming into the season, but MVP front runner, the PK Broiler, and the Good King will ensure that this team stays at the top for the season to come.
2. CTC – ‘I’m in a glass case of emotion!!’
After knocking off The ‘A’ Team early in the playoffs last season, CTC was riding high, looking to go all the way to the championship game. Instead, their offense stalled and they were knocked out after an ugly loss to Upstate. They;ve spent the off-season wallowing in their misery, and can now finally do something about it. With the East completely up for grabs this season, look for CTC to make a strong case as the Leagueís overall top team.
3. Upstate – ‘Mmmmm… I look good. I mean really good. Hey everyone… come and see how good I look.’
Upstate shocked the East last season and had a chance to win the Stick, holding a lead with just a few minutes to go. Despite coming up just short, Upstate is going to go out and prove that last season was no fluke. Sure the games donít always look so good, but all that matters are the wins, and they will be looking real good again come playoff time.
4. North Shore – ‘Put down the gun, and let the marching band go. We’ll play it off as a prank.’
Wait, how did this team slip down to the East this season?? A very competitive team from the A2 adds a couple quality parts, and they’re bumped to the East? This is a joke right, the Commish must be playing mind games with us. These guys are big and physical. Each guy on the squad is going to be a candidate for numerous post-season awards (RoY, MVP, Defense) so expect good things in the win-loss department. Don’t sleep on these guys, they could end up with the top seed if they can get their subs to show.
5. The “A” Team – “It’s so damn hot… milk was a bad choice.”
The “A” Team is going to be feeling the pressure all season long without the services of Sam “Spidey” Hubley. After blowing teams away on a weekly basis last time around, the teams that are back in the East will be gearing up for some serious revenge. Maybe it wasnít such a great idea to run up the score week after week. The boys may have their hands full trying to prevent the same thing from happening to them this time around.
6. JJ Round – “Brick, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safehouse or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you’re probably wanted for murder.”
Mike Sweeney, as mentioned below, absolutely blew up the Irate Ambassadors after 2 disappointing seasons. Now, with the help of Vigneau, heís called on the help of a few family members (2 brothers and his father) to help keep his team safe and competitive during the season. You can count on this team to pull out a number of victories, but the game against Irate may be their toughest all season.
7. Dynasty Heat – “Well, I could be wrong, but I believe, uh, diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era.”
This is a smash up team if Iíve ever seen one. Joel, Zundl, and Chinn all have B1 experience, but itís the Martins (all 3 of them) that will determine whether this team sinks or floats during the season. Joel has told me numerous times over the past couple seasons that itís not about the stats and heíd rather rack up the assists. On this squad, he should get a great chance to do that. But the key will be team defense. If all the guys chip in and hustle on D, this is a playoff bound team.
8. N.U. Slackers – “Oops… I almost forgot. I won’t be able to make it fellas. Veronica and I trying this new fad called uh, jogging. I believe it’s jogging or yogging. it might be a soft j. I’m not sure but apparently you just run for an extended period of time. It’s supposed to be wild.”
N.U. had attendance problems last season, and I imagine their excuses were just as lame. So theyíve stepped up to the East while playing all their games on Sunday night. The only guy I really know is Phi Slamma Jamma, but knowing heíll be anchoring the D Iím confident that N.U. will surprise some teams. Hopefully attendance wonít be a problem and theyíll have a full squad to make a run at the Stick.
9. Genzyme – “Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight / Gonna grab some afternoon delight / My motto’s always been, “When it’s right, it’s right” / Why wait until the middle of a cold dark night?”
An ode goes out to Genzyme, who has once again manipulated the early slot on Wednesday nights. Clearly these guys prefer to play ball in the late afternoon, rather than in the cold dark night. But who from the 16 man roster will show on a weekly basis? Last time Genzyme was in the East they had conistancy issues that held them back from realizing their full potential as a unit. Hopefully a core of 3 or 4 guys will be able to make it on a weekly basis so that good things can happen.
10. Irate Ambassadors – “We need you. Hell, I need you. I’m a mess without you. I miss you so damn much. I miss being with you, I miss being near you. I miss your laugh. I miss your scent; I miss your musk. When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together.”
Irate, minus Sweens, is going to be feeling very gloomy heading into the season. I bet by week 3 these will be the lines that Laptwitcz will be using to try and win at least one member of the Sweeney family back over to Irate. Expect to see him up on the balcony during the JJ Round games with a guitar, some roses, and a 6 pack to try and woo Mike back. Irate is going to have to make the best of it from the start, and who knows, maybe this is just the shake-up that Irate needs to become a team on the rise.
11. BR & A – “I’m sorry, I was trying to impress you. I don’t know what it means. I’ll be honest, I don’t think anyone knows what it means anymore. Scholars maintain that the translation was lost hundreds of years ago.“
This name means what exactly? These guys are new to the league, so the scouting information on them is very slim. In fact, no one really knows who or what to make of them. As a result, theyíre heading into the season ranked last, not out of disrespect, but as a result of my own ignorance. I’m sure theyíll teach me a thing or two over the course of the season.
Think your team deserves a higher ranking or that I grossly underestimated you? Donít forget to let me know how you feel! You may just make the next mailbag