Believe It or Not, It’s the Rip Spot

Last year, the Summer of Lust took place at the Cougar Den in C-Town.  So far this summer, the place to be has moved over several streets to Bunker Hill Ave in Chucktown.  The hosts: none other than former Nick and Aaron Carter impersonators, Craig and B-Rip, as well as cousin Brooke.  Today, I get the Rip clan to talk about their recent status as ìmust attendî party throwers.

 

1.  Why have you guys been so successful in throwing some of the most happening bashes this spring/summer?

 

B-Rip: Weíve been fortunate to have a great party mentor in a dangerously handsome fellow w/ a $100+ Everett-style haircut, finely plucked (or u wax that?) unibrow, and keen sense of when to sub out offense for defense (Plug – See 5 on 5 CíTown League Championship Year 1)

 

$100+ Everett-style finally plucked unibrow, but Iíll let it slide since you brought up our Title.  Seriously, those high maintenance chicks at Tiaís deserved to get the clap last Friday for not being impressed about the ìRipley Rainbow.î

 

B-Rip:  You told the ìRipley Rainbowî story???  Last thing I remember from Friday was Macho getting carried (by his collar 1 foot off the ground) from one side of Tiaís to another by a patron.  Macho is batting .667 for the í08 season thus far at Tiaís (Been to Tiaís 3 times, been thrown out twice before 11PMÖnice work Macho!)   

 

Back to your question, the key is to invite OD, as he will stop by the nearest local watering hole b4 the party and invite anyone whoís in the bar. 

 

Anyone is right.  The only person I saw him bring was some weird older dude was dancing like he dropped acid at Woodstock.

 

2.  Are Jean Shorts the new Trucker hats as the ìinî fashion?

 

B-Rip:  Interesting – Who rocked jean shorts?

C-Rip:  Wasnít it the cougar that the Wolverine radioíd in? 

 

Haha, wow I canít believe you guys didnít notice.  It must be because I made it look so good.

 

3.  What makes a good party great?

 

B-Rip:  It all boils down to one thing, guy – the ratio.  We could have top-shelf alcohol (which we do), energy drinks (which we do), a good keg of beer (which we do), a ton of food (which we do), good/loud music (which we do), beer pong (which we do), and a Macho Man (which we do), but it would be all for not if the ratio isnít there, you with me? 

 

Yes, because there are some really really vain people out there who cannot have a good time unless there are drunk chicks stumbling over each other.  I just go to have a good time with the Rips but I can understand how other party goers would stress the ratio.

 

4.  Who has won the Most Wasted Award at your parties this summer?

 

B-Rip:  MWA at the 1st party is a tie between OD and his buddy.  The latter was dancing by himself like he was at a Grateful Dead concert.  Party 2Ö.Iím not sureÖ.thoughts?  

 

Macho definitely or BFratís girl because she went home with him.  She had to be hammered if she still went home with him when I was flashing my long model legs around in the Jorts.  Macho because when Brooke skipped over him in beer pong and it looked like he was going to murder someone.

 

C-Rip:  Blue steel at its best.

 

5.  Can I have my table back my mom needs her coaster back?

 

B-Rip:  DudeÖYou need to explain that question to the inquiring minds who want to know.   BTW, does your mom have any cougars for the Wolverine??  Forward them the next eviteÖ

 

I already tried to set Matt up with my aunt but he insists every chick he dates must have all her teeth.

 

C-Rip:  The guy needs to lower his standards as he ainít getting any younger.

 

6.  Will Joey Diesel ever attend one of your parties and why do you think he has yet to stop by one?

 

B-Rip: He has.  Pre lame, relationship B-Rip, he attended our Halloween party.  He dressed as the incredible hulk and came in painted green w/ no shirt on.  Trouble was, if he sweated, he sweated green paint and ended up staining the red felt on my pool table.  Diesel, Diesel, DieselÖwhere have you gone bro?!

 

Better question is whether DMAC (0-3) will ever attend a Bunker bash or has ìSweetsî tightened the grip too tight for him to make an appearance.   (Note:  FellasÖIf youíve been in the CAC lately and been sized up in the mirrors by a sensual looking fellow, YOU KNOW WHO ìSWEETSî IS.)

 

7.  If you had to choose between Macho and that guy with no arms who was at your last party, who would you want on your pong team?

 

B-Rip: I donít play beer pong, guy.  I took coaching from Obie Won Wolverine who told me to focus on other things when in a party environment. 

 

C-Rip: Who was the no armed guy?  There is no traveling call in beer pong so going w/the Macho.

 

Brooke:  I luvvvv Macho, please wear that shirt you wore to the 1st party I need to see that chest hair again!!!

 

8.  When the party lights go out, which Ripley is the best closer WITHOUT the use of Vitamin Roofie?  BTW can I have my bottle back?

 

B-Rip:  Sean (first named), Iím not like that ñ Iím a relationship type of guy, guy. 

Wow, a ìSean.î  Did I strike a nerve?

C-Rip:  Gotta be Brooke (Me and Craig laugh)

Brooke: (Slapping Craig) Is your name Sean?  Well, Sean, Iím not like that ñ Iím a relationship type of girl, guy.

I donít blame you.  Lot of bad drivers and dirty fellas out there.

9.  Roof Deck Guy, what gives?

B-Rip: We were going to do it without protection (a permit), but roof deck guy got a little nervous about dancing with the devil.  Thus, hope to have it up by the next party ñ post permit.

C-Rip: Donít bet on it happening this summerÖ.although would be nice to have a deck w/railings to rip smokes onÖ

Brooke: No chance it happens this summerÖ.

 

10.  What is on the horizon for the rest of the summer?  Toga?  Pimps and Hoes?  White Trash?  Jort night?

B Rip: Next party in Boston wonít be until at least August, but weíre considering a road show to our Summer house in Newport that has one amenity that the Penthouse on Bunker does not, a hot tub.  I really like the White Trash theme for the next Beantown soiree, but it will have to be run past the 236 Bunker Hill Party Board of Directors (Fizzle, Obie Won Wolverine, yourself, and a few trusted lady friends) 

C Rip: OíCal, there is a twin bed waiting for you in NewportÖ.come on down, Iíll give up my queen bed if you close. 

Twin bed it is.  I can close in my dreams and this way I wont have to share a bed with some chick that probably outweighs me by 100lbs and has more facial hair.

C Rip:  Yeah, I donít know where you got that Flintstone that night but she needs to go back to Bedrock ASAP

That was my cousin, DICK, sheís from Watertown and is the victim of a rare abnormally big bone disease so leave her be!

C Rip: Big Bones? Címon man when have you ever seen a BIG skeleton? 

I donít need to answer that.  Ripleyís, it was a pleasure having a 4-way in the Corner without the use of alcohol and their low self esteem/self-respect (my two favorite things to find in a woman BTW).  Canít wait to see everyone at the next bash.

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