Friends Never Let Friends Draft Drunk
Instead of an intro, the following is a play by play account of how it all broke down Tuesday night. Seriously, I’m picking it back up this season.
3:00 PM Start drinking beers with lunch
4:00 PM Start pounding beers with a bunch of random people I’ve never met before.
5:00 PM Scramble to re-order my draft list while seeing duplicates of everyone’s name.
5:45 PM Scramble for a ride to the gym, arrive safetly after finishing final beer of the afternoon.
6:00 PM Jrod is drafting his team for MixTape this season, basically bringing out into the open what heís been doing for years now. If the MVP isnít happy, it will only be his own fault.
6:07 PM After googling Chris Maciejczak and Tim O’Keefe, the Rattling AK and I throw more blatent lies and monotone oneliners at one another to throw each other off than Bellicheck does at his press conferences.
6:10 PM Jrod is trying to figure out how to screw Turin over if AK drafts him with the # 3 pick
6:15 PM O’Cal rolls in proclaiming he’s going to shake up the draft. To me this is pointless since he won the Brick last season and has no shot now that the calander is turning away from the summer months.
6:25 PM The Sergeon General (aka the Wrecking Ball) has finally confirmed the rumor that he won’t be drafting Trevor with the # 1 pick. All over Cambridge, wild cries of joy are heard from some nut on a bike. Thankfully he’s bailed out in time to play pickup later that evening
6:35 PM With Mazzone off the board, Mike D is making us all wait while he’s sitting in his car checking his email.
6:40 PM Still waiting….
6:45 PM AK makes the first bold move, taking an unknown @ # 3 that had an offer to play at Pitt, stealing what would have been Kareem Part II for my last round pick. Now I need to scramble/stumble onto my backup plan.
6:50 PM Cheese takes Finn, putting the two best point guards on the same team (you heard me right O’Cal). Effectively ruining my backup plan. As a man with a serious buzz going, this was entirely too much thinking.
6:51 PM O’Cal does shake things up and grabs E Brown, my next plan of action. Cursing outloud, but meaning to talk to myself, I’m scrambling to reach Ramon on the phone. After confirming the lack of an ankle injury and desire to actually show up to games, I draft him.
6:52 PM Ramon calls back telling me not to draft him.
6:56 PM Jrod agonizing over his second banana.
7:04 PM He’s still agonizing…it doesn’t even take Turin this long to get down the court.
7:06 PM O’Cal steals my boy, Tosti, out from under me. The only season I hadn’t played with him, he goes in the fourth round and earns a Brick. This time? I can’t even grab him at the end of the second round. I may never buy O’Cal another drink again.
7:15 PM Names start flying off the board, but the Preacher is still sitting there. Who takes the plunge? Buzz starting to wear thin, but I’m still hating on O’Cal.
7:18 PM Our national nightmare is over, as the Preacher is a STEAL in the fourth round (at the 32nd pick overall), twice as many picks as I had him slotted in. I hope he reads this and uses it as fuel to motivate him. Not that he needs it .
7:23 PM Seriously, who are these guys getting drafted?? The rookies taken as fliers in the fourth and fifth rounds are going to have a huge impact on their team’s standing.
7:24 PM Whew, I draft the Macho Man, and rides to the gym are secure for the entire season.
7:30 PM After hating on Les and Serge for the past couple days, they’re dropped on the same squad, have fun with that fellas!
1) Dukes – Brady, Trevor, Salazar, Wolfe, Preacher, Callaghan (r)
For the first time in a year, Trevor is out from under Sergeís shadow and will look to cope with high expectations heading into the season. The top 3 picks on this squad are all solid, and with the Preacher falling to the fourth round, this team will be nearly impossible to beat. Will this be the season that Trevor finally gets that long awaited Brick?
2) Red Rockets – OíCal (c), EBrown, Tosti, Nip, Spinney, Lorenzo (r)
Iím ranking OíCalís boys in the second slot because he took my top two draft picks. And since Iíve become CACís version of Mel Kiper Jr. this is going to be a phenomenal team with a ton of upside. OíCal took Mike Dís game plan from last season as well (go big) but has a much better backcourt running mate with Ian “Tosti of the Town”. But since it’s not the summer season, O’Cal’s team will fall short in the end.
3) 100 Proof Hangover – Tibbs (c), Ramon, Tim OíKeefe (r), Noah, Tim Burke (r), Macho Man
Despite scrambling through various backup plans, this team is solid all around. Da Bronco is still capable of dropping a 40 on any defender’s head and there is plenty of muscle on the inside with Noah “The Ark” Bergman. The key here will be the adventures of Rin Tim Tim. O’Keefe and Burke’s play will determine whether or not this team is nearly as good as I think it can be. Rumor has it O’Keefe could be the steal of the draft at the end of the second round, but none of that matters until it’s proven on the court.
4) Real & Spectacular – AK (c), Chris Maciejczak (r), Orin (r), Craig Bosko, Zack Toth (r), Lappy (r)
After lecturing me over the email chain about drafting safe, “known quantities this time around”, AK goes out on a limb and doesnít draft a single proven A1 player. Now thatís not to say these arenít some high quality guys. OG has proven that he can hang with the biggest and baddest post players in the gym, while the Majic Man (Chris Maciejczak) comes highly recommended by Vladi, last seasonís RoY. It will definitely take these guys a couple weeks to gel and get used to the court, but Rattling AK is the best GM in the business. Their learning curve will be accelerated by having him scream at them from the sidelines.
5) 6 For the Wall – Mike D (c), Steve O, Jeremy Gall, Jim Rahill (r), QWalsh, Covert
Mike D sandbagged a solid player in the third round in Jim Rahill after getting the good word from KO. It appears that more and more captains are doing a little predraft research to try and gain that competitive edge. Next thing I know, Mike D will be hacking into my google searches. Last season the Crafty Veteran fell short with just one guard on the squad but that didn’t detour him from doing the exact same thing this time around. He loves the muscle on the inside and this team reflects that. Can it possibly work as well this season as last? Will anyone be able to budge Q and Covert from the block? Will Steve O actually show up for some regular season games? Questions abound, despite the Captain’s confidence in his squad.
6) WBroadway Brothel– MixTape (c), JRod, Karl, Billy Fratelli (r), Kevy Kev, Rivera
Lots of dudes need the ball on this squad to be effective, and there isn’t a whole lot of size to go around. Fratelli will make a splash in the A1 after running through the B1 West last season, but Karl’s attendance issues may haunt this team. Coming off an MVP season and Finals loss, the Hitman has taken on more responsibility and actually drafted this team. He was able to mold it into his image, and by Christmas we’ll see if he should just stick to worrying about his play on the court. We all see how competently MJ, Isiah, and Mchale have run their franchises. In case you couldn’t tell, the outpouring of love for the Hitman has disappeared as abruptly as JD’s power numbers.
7) Passing Ruffians – Cheese (c), Finn, Bermont (r), Mark Classen (r), John-Mark Ikeda (r), Brian Rajotte (r)
Three rookies meshing with three newbies makes this team really tough to rank. I know the Local Hero won’t stand for another last place finish, so expect even bigger things this season from the reigning A2 MVP. Cheese usually likes to draft guys that he’s comfortable playing with and knows, so unless he’s sandbagged half his squad, this is definitely a step out of character for him. We’ll see if it pays off in victories.
8) McLoviní – Allyn, KO, Wrobel, Sweens, Hinks, McNeill (r)
This is another guard oriented squad and we’ll see how they fare as well. Wrobel may need to play downlow with KO more in order to ensure boards for these guys. Allyn makes his return to the CAC walls after a summer off, and we’ll see if his luck is any better in the A1 this time around. Sweens and the WebMaster round out a solid backcourt, but it’s the unknown (McNeill) that could once again determine the fate of anther squad.
9) GFYS – Serge (c), Mazzone, Kurt, Began, Adams, Les (r)
You know I canít resist ranking Sergeís team last in the league season after season. Plus I get to disrespect Mazz and Les in the same paragraph. This was impossible to resist. Serge was going to go with the Wrecking Crew for his team name, and I think that would have been much more appropriate. With Kurt and Began, this team will have an athletic backcourt, but it lacks a true ball handler to distribute on a consistent basis. If Mazz is bringing the ball up every time, you know itís getting jacked from 21 feet.