“Chairs exist even when you’re not sitting on them?”
So I wanted to use quotes from the incredibly funny Superbad to explain my rankings, but unfortunately not a single one can be published on this PG rated website. Youíre going to have to settle for the nearly as humorous and much more redeeming Knocked Up, to sedate your appetite for bulletin board material. This is only the second time Iíve ever stepped away from the B1 East, and as a result I can rip into anyone I want and not have to face the consequences on the court. Ok, Iím not gonna lie, I only have good things to say about all involved.
“Do you ever wonder how somebody could even like you? The biggest problem in our marriage is that she wants me around. And I can’t even accept that? I don’t think I can accept pure love.”
This pretty much sums up the relationship between Google and the Data Nuggets. Allegedly, TJ will only grace the halls of CAC on the occasional late night game for his co-workers. But if heís a consistent presence, (coupled with the outstanding play of Burke and Began) Data is easily the team to beat this season. Theyíve got playoff experience of their side as theyíve run the table in the B1 before, but itís not going to be easy. There are going to be plenty of challengers to their lofty ranking.
“You wanna know who I want to get pregnant? Felicity Huffman. Ever since I saw Transamerica, I can’t get her out of my head.”
There is just something about this team that makes me want to rank them really high. I think itís the OíConnell brother combo meshed with The Freak, Matt Scabilia. I donít know the other two dudes on the squad, but these guys are going to be tough to score on. Chris looks deceptive, but Iíll take 3-1 odds that heíll lead the league in scoring this season.
Nappy Headed Bros
“I think he’s using the dice move a bit too much.”
“I think that’s pretty much all he’s got.”
Last season, the Nappy Headed Bros were a one trick pony. Every week Tommy Kahana would show up and carry the offense with whoever showed up. Eventually (by week 3) teams caught on to this, and revolved their game-plan around RoY (in every league but this one). The other guys that showed up all contributed, but the revolving door ensured a lack of team chemistry and NHB just missed out on a playoff birth. This season looks like it could be different with a few new parts and, with the summer over, more consistent attendance from all involved. If, in fact, that does happen, I see Tommy Gunn (last seasonís leader in PR) leading his boys to a high playoff seed.
Cakes & Bales
“If it grows from the ground, it’s probably okay”
Brian Greenberg has started to branch out and put a team in both the B1 East and North this season after dipping his toes in the A1 league. As a staple of this squad, expect these guys to contend no matter whom everyone else is, and I know Iíll learn who they are as the season progresses. Until then, I can only go on Weapon Xís assessment that, ìweíll be a middle of the road team in the East.î Way to try to lull your competition to sleep.
“Our baby is going to be French Canadian.”
“and a little bit Spanish…?”
“Yeah, I’m not very good with accents.”
Really, what to make of this team?? Pistol Pete Wilson, the retuning MVP, is the only member of the original CTC squad left. Whereíd they all go?? Even if weíre talking about turnover from the last season, Kip West is the only contributing member that is appearing for the encore. As a result, I have no idea where to rank these guys and I donít know how the complimentary parts will fit themselves around Wilsonís MVP caliber game. I expect a whole lot of intensity, a lot of running, and a few Tís mixed in throughout the season.
“Marriage is like that show ëEverybody Loves Raymondí, but itís not funny. All the problems are the same, but you know instead of all the funny, pithy dialogue, everybody is really pissed off and tense.”
If they were a TV show, the NU Slackers would get great ratings with their ridiculous banter, stingy defense and no-fear shot chucking. Unfortunately, itís tougher to put that all together and be loved on the court than it would be on TV. Everyoneís favorite shot blocker (EBrown) returns with his boys and a new teammate to try to rule the East from the Sunday night slot for another season. Itís not going to be easy, as everyone will be jacked to play them after their breakout last season. The key, as usual, will be if they can get along in-house. As was plainly evident last season, this is the only team in the league that can absolutely hate each other on the court and they all use it as fuel to play better. Can it work for the fourth straight season?? Theyíll contend every night, but will need some clutch performances to get a top 3 seed.
“Life doesn’t care about your vision. You just gotta roll with it.”
So I donít know anything about these guys, so theyíre just gonna have to roll with my rankings. Iím sure theyíll be more than ready to show the rest of the league that theyíve come to ball and prove their ranking wrong.
“You’re going to be embarrassed when you realize I’m Wilmer Valderama.”
When ORA ends the season somewhere near the top of the rankings, then I may be nearly as embarrassed as well. If they donít, well then I look like a genius (as usual). But since I know nothing about them, this is where theyíre going to reside heading into the season. I basically could have copied and pasted the paragraph from the above preview, but even Iím not that lazy.
“ìJust don’t ask me to lend you any money.”
“Can I just – have some?”
The Ballers are back in the East with the same squad that they made their debut in the East with last season. Making the playoffs in your inaugural season is nothing to sneeze at, but the going is going to be even more difficult this time around, as the East is even more solid from top to bottom this season. Last season no one stepped up as a go to scorer, and in a league that wonít exactly be handing out free buckets, it will be tough for them to establish a consistant offense. They will need someone to take the reins and average more than 11 points a game (which didnít happen last season) if they want to knock off some of the top teams. Hopefully someone steps up and they make a run for another postseason appearance.