Mall Trip III

It has been quite some time since my previous blogs about just what the Sergeon and I do in between the 5:30 and 7:30 Tuesday night games while karate dominates the dojo (see Mall Trip Revisited and the ever popular Tuesdays With Sergery). So, with the help of the Sergeon himself, here is the 2008 version, complete with an updated market analysis and CAC celebrity sightings:


6:15 ñ The final buzzer of the 5:30 Genzyme game sounds and I sprint out of the arena so I donít have to hear BFab complaining about how he doesnít get any calls. I figure that Iíll just read about it on the boards tomorrow instead.

6:22 ñ I manage to get all the game stats in because I know that EFPG Matty O is lab-ratting the website so that he can compare his CAC career stats to Sean Connellyís career stats at Ohio State. But Connelly has never been in the Trap!

6:23 ñ We grab an envelope from behind the front desk marked ìMoney for OíCals NCAA Poolî to pay for our burritos. Should have used Paypal, DEE.

6:25 ñ The Sergeon and I take off for Boca thinking that the 7:30 game will probably never come ñ like Monday during a long weekend. We also vow that this is definitely our last season.

6:30 ñ We arrive at Boca and I notice that the size of the free cups of water has increased. Sadly, this may be the highlight of my Tuesday night.

6:35 ñ While eating our burrito, the Sergeon notices that he has 5 missed calls, but his cell phone is now broken and cannot return any of them. I guess Jared is going to have to figure out how to get out of Grand Theft Autoís Vice City Streets all by himself.

6:36 ñI then get a call from an unknown 978 number and of course ignore it as unknown 978 calls can only mean one thing. At the same time, I secretly hope that whoever it was leaves me a dirty message.

6:38 ñ As we continue to eat our burritos, we see Andre ìFlashî Jones walk by. He gives a pleasant wave, but it was one of those waves that you can tell the person thinks youíre an idiot. I note that he is the only person to ever big time a request to be in the Wolverine Trap. Sergeon states that I should just find a random Andre Jones in the phone book and start asking him questions:

ìSo Andre, how did you get the nickname Flash?î


ìWhat is your favorite thing about CAC?î

ìExcuse me?î

ìWhy are you being so evasive with my questions?î

ìWho is this?î

ìItís the Wolverineî

ìWhat the *&%$ is a Wolverine?î

I sit stunned and depressed, in need of a defibrillator to shock me back into coherence.

6:47 ñ We head over to the Galleria and walk through the Best Buy entrance. The Sergeon now has one of those nice, new flat screen HDTVís, but I still donít. I again curse the Commish for not getting a raise in over 5 years and vow that this is definitely my last season.

6:50 ñ As we walk through the food court, we realize there was no need for the Sergeon to break out his environmentally friendly silver toothpick. The free samples are nowhere to be found and the food court is as barren as the surface of the moon. There must be tons of unemployed free sample guys now. Forget about the GDP, this is the best indicator we have of a recession.

7:00 ñ As we debated which donut to get at Dunkin Donuts, I wondered whether there was more donut in a cruller or a regular donut. They are the same price, but there must be a value proposition in there somewhere. Somebody out there must have done a study? By the way, the chocolate cruller is still nicknamed the ìRay Victory,î and the glazed cruller is now coined the ìRon Jeremyî thanks to the Sergeon. I would have went with Pete North, but hey, thatís just me.

7:05 ñ After the 5th random 978 number call to my phone, I finally ask Serge if he recognizes the number. He does and itís none other than JBerr. So I call her back and she wants us to pick up a pizza for the girls at the front desk. I quickly shuffle over to a dark corner of the mall and after a slightly awkward and borderline inappropriate conversation, I realize that I have misunderstood her request for a ìpizza delivery boy.î

7:10 ñ Serge goes in to order the pizza at the CPK ìtake-outî counter, which may not have been manned for weeks. A stunned CPK waitress asks ìwait, you want to order takeout from here?î She explained that the only people who are willing to eat their food are the people who donít want to wait for a table at Cheesecake and are too lazy to walk all the way down to the food court at the other end of the mall.

7:15 ñ As Serge and I wait for the pizza outside of CPK, I see none other than pick-up legend ìStixî walk by. I donít think he noticed me, but he did manage to foul me with those bony elbows on his way by. I of course didnít call it though.

7:19 ñ I see another CAC legend, Father Time Edwin Harmon, coming out of the Cheesecake Factory. This mall is a star studded CAC party ñ we should have the next LNO here!

7:25 ñ As we continue to wait for the &^%$in pizza, I noticed that all the people who are coming out of Cheesecake Factory look so happy, like they just saw Seinfeld in there or something. And all the people walking out of California Pizza Kitchen look like they just saw Kenny Banya after they couldnít get tickets to see Jerry.

7:28 ñ We finally get the *&^%in pizza and trot back to the CAC, but have to stop back at Boca first b/c now JBerr and the front desk girls want soda. Serge and I then have a noticeably awkward conversation about how difficult it is carrying those fountain soda drinks in those paper cups with the caps while walking fast. You have to hold them like a bird ñ strong enough so that they donít get away, but light enough so that you donít squeeze them to death and spill all over the place.

7:30 ñ We arrive back at the CAC and hand-off the pizza and soda for the girls. I was still kind of hoping that theyíd be in some sort of lingerie when we arrived, but it didnít happen.

7:32 ñ Another 4 games as I blow the whistle to begin the 7:30 game (right, for maybe for the last time of the night)Ö