My Night in The Wolverine Den

While Iím still not fully recovered and fear that my upchuck reflex could kick-in at any moment, I figured if I can show up to work this morning the least I can do is be productive. How I managed to ìplayî not 1 but 2 games last night is completely beyond me, but as Iím sure the write-up will attestóit was the ugliest basketball of my life, complete with 5 rejections a la the backboard (normally I only average 2)

But anyways, the real reason I have stepped up to the pulpit is not to tell you how typically incredible my bball skills are, but to offer you the JBerr perspective of OíCalís infamous 25th birthday celebration, at least the parts of it I can remember. Much like Wolverineís time frames, mine are complete fabrications.

8:15 PM ñ I pick up AK from a Church on Mass Ave. Saturday services have just let out and now that he has cleansed himself of last weeks sins he is ready to get CRUNKED.

8:30 PM ñ AK & I arrive at the apartment Caitlin pays for and Tibbs lives in. But to give him some credit he had prepared a fine make-your-own-taco bar that we graciously help ourselves to.

8:35 PM ñ I crack the handle of Sky that I brought over and proceed to pour copious amounts of vodka into some delicious mixers. Everyone sits back satisfied as the shakes from the previous nights hangovers finally subside.

10:30 PM ñ Tibbs throws on the same black stripped shirt he always wears out over the CAC bball tee-shirt heís been wearing all week and declares himself ready to roll.

10:35 PM ñ The cab rolls up and everyone files out the door as I pound my 2nd liter of vodka.

10:45 PM ñ We arrive @ Hurricane OíReillyís and AK proceeds to pay for the cab ride, my $10 dollar cover and my first roundómaking me think that he was somehow involved in the scandal that was to take place later on). I decide Iím gonna take it slow and just sip Guinness after my heavy pre-gaming.

10:50 PM – OCal strolls up to the front of the bar as part of the welcoming committee already wreaking of booze and wearing, but of course, a tee-shirt with the Monopoly character that reads: GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL. Perhaps more fitting for a 21st  birthdayóbut look who weíre talking about. He gestures to the back letting us know where the rest of the CAC hooligans are corralled.

10:51 PM ñ AK and I have our first Wolverine sighting at the bar, in fact my first ever since Iíve joined the cult, and I canít wait to go call him out on it and remind him how old and outdated he is.

11:00 PM ñ I engage myself in conversation with a crew of CACírs & compliment Fizzle on his fashionable dÈcorówho didnít love that bandana???  I say hello to ICU, The MazzRoy, and Rip and Wolverine as finally Gripp and Tibbs have settled their ATM dispute about who was paying for tonight and join the circle.

11:01 PM ñ I take my opportunity to chat with Wolverine as I notice the bracelet he is wearing somewhat resembles a catís collar. He tells me itís the piece of Delilah he takes with him everywhere, which reminds him that he needs to leave by 11PM so he can retreat home to take care of her. I look down at my watch and tell him itís 10PM , fatal flaw #1.

11:15 PM ñ Rip gathers everyone at the bar for shots in honor of OCal. We all hold our shots up and pose for a photo-op (likely my only non-incriminating one of the night) as I make fatal flaw #2 and down the shot.

11:30 PM ñ OCal wanders by again wearing a striped blazer that looks about 2 sizes too big for him. I reach over to touch it and tell him nice jacket, but before I can he immediately pulls back and says, ìlook, donít touch!! Itís on loan.î I tell him to relax, that it was his jacket I was admiring.

11:35 PM ñ Trapped in conversation with Wolverine I begin mapping out escape roots, eyeing up other groups of conversers that I can finagle my way into. I make my move, excusing myself to go to the bathroom.

11:40 PM ñ As I return from the bathroom I see Gripp just chillin so I strike up some convo with her. She asks me if Iím okay, and inquires about my conversation with Wolverine. I shrug it off and tell her yeah, no big deal. After all, Iím a big girl, I can handle myself.

11:45 ñ My first Guinness has run dry and the coast looks clear, so I head back over to the bar and bump into Fizzle and strike up some friendly convo. I can see he is ordering a large number of shots as well, as the toasting to the birthday boy continues. He also kindly treats me to a Guinness and the crowd reforms as the shots are being handed out. Somehow one ends up in my hands as I make fatal mistake #3 and knock it down like a pro.

11:50 PM ñ I remember looking at my watch and realizing there were 10 minutes left in the day and that I wanted to treat OCal to a birthday shot before the clock had expired. It takes me a minute to find him, but when I do he tells me that his birthdayís an all weekend event and that thereís no rush for shots!

11:55 PM ñ I start campiní out at the bar which has become increasingly crowded to order some Petron shots (apparently I thought those were a good idea). While waitiní for the bartender 2 other groups of people are ordering large amounts of shots and either wanted to give a pretty girl a shot or more likely thought I was with their groupóyou know how it is when everyoneís drunk! So, at this time I make fatal flaw # 4 & #5 as I toss back a shot of liquid cocaine and a kamikaze.

12:00 AM ñ Wolverine manages to hunt me down @ the bar, but thankfully AK is on the other side of him buying drinks. He gets Wolverine a Red Bull & Vodka, and I balk that he didnít buy me a Guinness, completely ignoring the fact that he had already paid for my cab, cover & first round.

12:05 AM ñ Wolverine finally gets the bartenders attention and has somehow assumed the responsibility of buying the Petron shots & a Guinness. I take off to go hunt down OCal, but apparently he was already in line at the other bar waiting for a shot, so I told him to come back to the other side when he was done.

12:10 AM ñ Still no OCal so Wolverine and I decide to take the shots ourselves, fatal flaw #6, we then move away from the bar and over to the wall between the bar & the dance floor, which I thankfully did not make my way over too, probably the only redeeming factor of the night.

12:11 AM ñ Wolverine tells me that in his old age he is hard of hearing so that I need to lean forward and speak directly into his ear if he wants me to hear him. I oblige, leaning into him to reach his ear.

12:12 AM ñ Acknowledging that I am not a dentist, Wolverine whines that one of his teeth is bothering him and insists that I take a closer look. Feeling bad for the poor guy I also agree to this request. But as I was leaning in to take a peek, I slipped and it may or may not have looked as though we were making out, but I can assure you this is not the case.

12:15 AM ñ All those shots start catching up to me and I begin to realize Iím not the champ that the first two shots lead me to believe I was. I sense flashes going off in the background as I prepare for the inevitable blackout that is rapidly approaching.

12:30 AM ñ With no recollection of actually getting into the cab, or leaving the bar I realize that I am vomiting all over the door of said cab, while my head hangs out the window. I hear lots of yelling from the cab driver, and finally we stop. I have no idea where I am but I get out and look at the cab door and admire my dirty work. I take a moment to pat myself on the back for not puking IN the cab (yeah, thatís happened before) but rather ON it, and tell the driver that he is totally over-reacting.

{{{{{{{{{{BLACK OUT}}}}}}}}}}

7:50 AM ñ A strange tickling sensation on my face, the quiet humming of a Bare Naked Ladies tune and that creepy sensation that someone is watching you stir me from my stupor. I wipe my face; itís wet as if someone had been licking it. I look to my right and thereís Wolverine, staring at me in his ref shirt. He assures me that Delilah had been in the bed trying to wake me, which for the moment reassured me regarding the wetness on my face.

8:00 AM ñ I begin to inquire about the nightís details, calling myself out for puking all over the cab, and then asking the obvious question that I didnít want to hear the answer to ìthereís no way this flew under the radar, right?î to which Wolverine responded, ìoh, no, definitely not. Everyone knows about this.î

8:30 AM ñ After chatting about the foggy details of the night, and Wolverine reminding me that I passed out on his bathroom floorówhich I totally deny, I realize that my half an hour of ìhey, Iím feeling pretty goodî feeling is fleeting and that the second wave of nausea is upon me. I request some water as Wolverine quickly hops up to head to the kitchen. On his way back in with the water I catch him adjusting the volume on his CD player as Sara McLaughlinís melodious voice fills the air. He hops back into bed, uncomfortably closer than he was earlier, as I ever so delicately slide my way to the edge.

8:45 AM ñ I manage to get some water down which I am sipping as if it were hot tea. This kicks in my vomiting reflex and I force out a calm ìIíll be right back, just going to the bathroomî where I casually vomit all the water I had just consumed. I rinse my mouth out and look to the mirror in horror at the frightening image staring back at me, but thereís nothing much I can do at this point, and what do I care how I look after exploiting some older dude for a cab ride and a warm bed to sleep in. I reach to my wrist for my elastic to put my hair back, but itís gone.

9:00 AM ñ Back in the bedroom, I realize that Wolverine has my elastic on his wrist. I reach for it as he emits this whiny sound from his mouth, I try to get it back, but he wonít give it up. He says I need to leave something here for his collection, and then proceeds to get outta bed and show me this stash of bizarre hair clips, and velveteen scrunchies. I tell him the only thing Iím leaving is the empty/lonely feeling of my absence, but not until the spinning stops.

9:15 AM ñ Wolverine tells me that I need to eat some bread, attempting to nurse me back to health. He then realizes that he doesnít have any bread so he says he will bring me some crackers, he comes back with a few cheerios so I eat a few to make him happy, but then realize this was a bad idea as I am ready to vomit again.

9:30 AM ñ At this point I just want to be home and not burdening anyone else with my ìillnessî I beg Wolverine to drive me to my car, but he hushes me and says I have to wait for the CD to finish, encouraging me to fall back asleep and just rest til I feel better. I wait him out a bit, biding my time with U2ís One Love lulling me in the background.

10:00 AM ñ Another trip to the bathroom, but this time I realize that I feel better standing up and I refuse to get back into bed. Wolverine pouts some more, but accepts defeat and gets outta bed. He continues to offer me everthing in the household, eggs, grapes, cereal, toast, juiceÖyou name it. I tell him I like my eggs fertilized and we both laugh and then he said, ìthat sounds like a BFrat lineî and I tell him that indeed it is.

10:05 AM ñ Looking around, I observe family pictures everywhere, paintings on the walls, tasteful drapes, a book about cute & cuddly dogs and I am amazed at how cultured or potentially gay Wolverine is. I see Delilah lying on the floor when it dawns on me that she looks too frail to have jumped up on the bed and suddenly I am not so comforted by the wet feeling on my face earlier that morning. I tell Wolverine that Iím ready to leave. He encourages me to stay longer until I feel better, that I can lay back down in bed while he goes for a run and does his errands. I turn down all of his offers and look around to see if I can find the door to the apartment.

10:10 AM ñ Wolverine grabs his keys and is finally ready to take me to my car. We proceed down the steps of his apartment which I donít recall, and question Wolverine in amazement if I actually made it up all these stairs by myself. He assures me I did, and I realize I have 3 things to be proud of on the night.

1) I didnít attempt to dance @ the bar

2) I managed to puke OUTSIDE the cab

3) I made it up multiple flights of stairs all by myself

10:30 AM ñ We pull up to my car and before he even stops I am already trying to get out. Wolverine encourages me to call him if I start driving and donít feel well, offering me some more time to sleep off the sick feeling. I brush him off and thank him for his hospitality and make my exit.

10:45 AM ñ I canít even make it home before I start scrambling around my car for something to vomit in. I dump the air freshener out of this candle like jar and proceed to fill the jar up with hazardous bile, which I then proceed to dump out the window. Real classy.

11:00 AM ñ I make it home and die in my bed, unable to drag myself out until 4pm when I had to get ready for my game.

5:00-7:00 PM ñ I somehow managed to survive 2 basketball games and some hilarious ridicule from Tibbs, Gripp & the Birthday Boy himself ñ who btw did a great job reffing while he SQUAT @ half court!!

8:00 PM ñ clean and showered and ready for bed, I vomit one last time for good measure and check my calendar cause I canít wait for the next night to go out and do it all over again (well, most of it anyway).

Good times, good people. Happy Birthday, OCal!! Apologies for stealing your thunder. It looks like the poll I created should have been On OCalís Birthday, JBerr is most likely toÖ

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