NEWSFLASH!!! – CAC APPOINTS A PLAYER PRESIDENT

I love it when things come full circle.  Prior to gracing CAC with his presence, Tibbs was the C.O.C.K. (Chief Officer of Child Kare) at NAMBLA and now, the young fella has risen to the newly appointed rank ofPresident of  C.A.C.ís Playerís Association.  My man cannot get away from the sexual innuendo job titles.  Long over due, Tibbs finally takes his seat in the Corner to break the news of his official promotion.  Today, I get him in the Corner to discuss the new found sense of success and what this means to all 3 of you who read this blog.

Tibbs, thanks for stopping by.

Iím glad that I could be here, but itís a little dim, and, is that Boyz 2 Men in the background??

My mom put that on, she has a guy coming over after my bedtimeÖWait a minute, why did you bring flowers, chocolates and an industrial sized container of KY?  On second thought, donít answer that.

1.  First off, give us some background info on yourself, where u grew up, how u came to be apart of C.A.C.Ö

I hail from the tiny town of Warren, MA.  I know to most Bostonians, nothing exists west of 495, but I assure you, Iíve never tipped a cow or had the privilege of strumminí on the olí banjo. 

So you say

My athletic career peaked in high school on the soccer field, where my gangly arms and propensity to fall real good made me an all-star keeper.  My first love has always been the court, but unfortunately Iím still waiting for my body to fill out.

I Moved out here over two and a half years ago and the C.A.C. sucked me right in.  After a summer ballin it up on the outdoor courts of Cambridge, it was the impending winter that brought me to here. Actually its the Tang Soo Do that brought me to where I am today.  One of my old roommates was heavily involved in the study of martial arts and he knew needed a place to ball in the winter.  I was subsequently signed up for the ë4v4 experience of a lifetime.í  I think that was exactly how Josh sold it to me.  After just one season at the gym, the Commish lassoed me into working the B1 East.  A monster was just being born.

2.  Are you sober now?

Shockingly, I am.  After a week long bender thanks to one of Black Ices amazing liquor deals, I decided to take the weekend off.  And no, I was not endorsed for that sneaky little bit of cross promotion. 

You know you may have a drinking problem when you start referring to the amount of blood in your alcohol system, right?

Ive said it before and Ill say it again, alcoholics go to meetings, I go to the C.A.C.

3.  Isnít it true you choose me to break this story because you still harbor a loathing resentment towards the Wolverine for the “Ramon Bachelor Party” incident?  Please detail the incident and what happened to you as well as answer the question.

Honestly, my first choice was to leak the story to ESPN.com and Chris Sheridan, but I didnt want to take away any of Kobes face time. 

You mean there are still people who dont know this story?  The shortest version possible is that the Sergeon General and I were already having maybe the greatest Saturday ever when Da Bronco hit us up with VIP passes to his BP.  After a night of mixing it up with some of the hottest C.A.C. celebrities (Al Smooth, the X Factor, Jamie Foxx, and Bruce Bowen, aka Dart) I found myself with an empty handle of rum and abandoned by the General.  After saving the Wolverine from an outraged pack of bachelorettes, he repays me by throwing a bottle of cranberry juice at me as I get in my cab.  I laugh as the cabby chases him down the street and into the parking garage.  Of course, I somehow get booted from the cab as well.  Instead of finding another, I end up stumbling to Brookline at about 5 in the morning.  It would have been so much faster had I just floated along the Charles.  I donít know if Iíll ever fully forgive him for that night.  As such, you were the most logical choice to break this story.

Truly, one of the best CAC related incidents ever to erupt out of a drinking binge.

4.  Me, the Wolverine, the Sergeon, and Target all interviewed for the position C.A.C Player President and the Commish ultimately knighted you.  What dirt do you have on the Commish that he would appoint the most inept person out of that list to become C.A.C.ís Player Prez?

Look at you, cutting right to the heart of the matter, Walter Cronkite would be proud.  

Who?  Thereís only one anchorman in my world and thatís Ron Burgandy.

You stay classy there Coach.  But see here, itís just good business from the Commishís point of view.  Everyone knows that the top dog in power never wants to take the fall.  So he (or she, I can be PC when needed) has to appoint the most inept person that they can find to take the job directly below them.  That way, when ish hits the fan, there is someone else to take the fall.  Iím fairly certain Iíll fail in my responsibilities on a daily basis.

Yet you can do the same and be President of the US, so if itís good enough for this county, why not CAC.

5.  Ok so what will be C.A.C.ís Player Presidentís major responsibilities?

First of all, the high quality coverage of the leagues is still going to come first and foremost.  Thatís really what separates the C.A.C. leagues from every other in the entire city, and Iím going to ensure that everyone is satisfied with their league coverage. 

We need a president for that?!?  Where does my Commish Tax from my pay check go?

Well since extortion is still illegal we figure weíd try and be straight forward when stealing from the employees.  Truly, the crack staff that has already been assembled is on top of their game and I wonít have to provide that much oversight.  Other duties will include copious amounts of website updates, shameless promotion for all of the gymís activities, and expanding our hold on the Boston area. 

I can picture the promotion now.  You standing in Harvard Sq. with an I Heart C.A.C. billboard draped over your pasty body, shoulder to shoulder with the Unibomber looking type guy who hands out the Jesus Saves pamphlets.  And as someone who has already found Jesus, he may be able to save my soul, but the guy doesnít know the first thing about running a basketball league.  For that, you pray at the altar of the Holy Trinity.  ìIn the Name of the Commish, the Wolverine, and, now apparently, the Pasty Prez.î  You and the Holy Ghost got the same pigment donít you?

As the son of a preacher, Iím sure this is going to bring a tear to my daddyís eye, knowing Iím doing the Good work of the Commish.  Honestly, to be a part of that trinity, just like the Holy Ghost, I donít deserve to be in such company. 

6.  What do you plan to do as C.A.C.ís Player Prez?

I plan to actually read all the emails that are going to end up getting forwarded to me from the rest of the C.A.C. Community.  See, instead of coming up with any of my own original ideas, Iím just going to rely on the complaints that people bring to me. 

First complaint, we need better Sunday officials.  Second complaint, get the Commish to bring back the bar.  Turn the old sub shop place (located behind the couches in the lobby) into a little pub, with direct feeds onto the court and one TV for an outside sporting game (i.e. football Sundays etc).  I will tend bar (on a step stool of course) and will dig my hooks into the legions of lushes that swarm the CAC confines.  I donít mind profiting on otherís vices.  Who better than the man without a vice

The Sunday officials, I cant do anything about, as no one else is willing to sacrifice their football Sundays, and no one elseís mama will make them.  As for the bar, I think everyone knows how much Iíd approve of that plan.  I think Id really come into my own with a bar in the back room.  Honestly youíd probably have to set up a cot for me in the back corner.  In order to pay my enormous tab, Iíd have to work the kitchen, and Iíd whip up some of the tastiest bar food youíve ever eaten, another little known fact about yours truly.

I see why an MVP would want to be with you Guys or girls league.

Obviously.  Back on topic, and aside from that, players can come to me with scheduling issues, stat questions, etc.  Iíll be putting together the next 3 on 3 tournament, which is set for December 1st and 2nd, and it will include all the usual leagues, plus the first Womenís 3 on 3 tournament that weíve hosted. 

Also, discussions with the Webmaster about revamping our player profile system have already been undertaken, and we will all be seeing the results of that in the weeks to come.

Next season is when weíll really start to see the effect that my new found power has taken.    

B.  Do you now outrank the Wolverine and does he salute/bow down to u?

I dont think he knows it yet, but I do.  However, in return for refraining from any sort of public humiliation, Iím just going to ask for a few more calls.  He is, after all, still the Chairman of the Competition Committee. 

And I think I am going to assume a title now that its in.  How does Towel Efficiency Coordinator Boy sound?

Im pretty sure I can get that approved, nothing like giving the ladies even more fodder for poking fun of you.

7.  Is this not just another way for the Commish to set up a puppet regime where it seems he is not wielding Stalin like power trying to seem as democratic as possible, but in reality he will be the Boss of Bosses?

Obviously, I will be doing my masters bidding.  Wait, I mean, Im going to represent the players first, I wont be a Gene Upshaw in the making. 

Haha, I love how a man can argue with a straight face the NFL was doing a great job for the former players when Ditka and the other guy kept rolling in the former NFL greats that have been reduced to vegetables. Even vegetables need water Tibbs.

Ill be willing to go head-to-head with the Commish on the matters that are most important to the C.A.C. contingent, including contract disputes, free agency and more frequent LNOs. 

A man of the people for the people

8. Does CAC have insurance for any fires started by your Saturday morning vodka breath?

Come on man, you know I always stop off to get a coffee before any early morning pickup runs.  And by early morning, you know I mean anything that starts before noon.  More than anything, I radiate vodkas essence after getting a good sweat going.  But just in case, the entire building has been brought up to code. 

9.  A little further off Topic, you have become a staple of the CAC experience, as painful as that is to ponder, so Id love to hear your insight.

Nice, as everyone knows, I do this mostly to hear myself up on the balcony and see my opinions in print on the write-ups and boards.

Who is Now (the best player) in the leagues you cover and why?

Chris Maciejczak, aka the Majic Man, is most Now.  Remember, NOW isnít just an on court competition, Iíve got to take the playersí off court actions into account as well.  Surprised Iíd pick a rookie? Well so am I.  But heís vocal on the court while starting to get involved on the boards.  Plus, heís been stalking his captain.  True story: After AKís monster B1 North game back in week 2, and subsequent free burger, the Majic Man called him out.  He started demanding that sort of production in their A1 games.  You know weíve got another one hooked when heís spending his free time reading league write-ups that heís not a part of.

Who was the first player that impressed you when you came to CRFC 2 years ago?

I know that youíre going to find this shocking, but my answer here has to be JPro.  My man had one of the sickest jumpers when I first stepped into fabled Wall Ball Arena.  I remember he was one of the guys I guarded in my first pickup run.  Instead of posting me up, as his body type would indicate, he nailed jumper after jumper on me up all run long.  It really was a harbinger of things to come, with guys like the Hitman, Al Smooth, AO and Mazzone following in his footsteps in the months to come.  I was also privileged enough to be made a part of JProís Little Nasty franchise shortly thereafter.  In a related note, weíll be making a comeback next season, and probably dipping our toes back into the 5v5 experience. 

Who is the BEST player you have ever seen in a CAC/CRFC game?

Wow, best ever?  There are so many amazing ballers that have started to migrate to our leagues, especially with the growth of the 5 on 5 leagues.  Youíve got guys like Dolla Dolla Billet, Chise, Nick Smith, Basil Wajd, Starchild, the list goes on and on.   I mean, obviously the guys that played in DI and DII are going to be the best ballers in the gym.  Boil it all down and Iím a huge fan of Craig Griffinís game.  Heís a beast inside, strong as an ox, and can step outside to the perimeter.  You know, heís who Mazzone wishes he could be in his dreams.   It also helps that he has absolutely owned me in the A2 a couple of seasons ago. 

Who is the best ref? easy answer there

Since Iíve never been in the Wolverines Trap, Iím going to say that you are.  Plus, you never ref my games, so itís safe to say that I have no reason to personally abhor your propensity to turn a blind eye to the abuse that big guys take in the paint.  I can just detest it from the balcony

Who is one character that is irreplaceable to the CAC experience?

Since the domestication of Mixtape, I think the Local Hero has become one of the most instrumental characters to the C.A.C experience.  With his always hilarious forays to the Warren Tavern, to his institution of Saturday League Days Out, E Fizzle has become the standard to which all others must now measure up. 

Jon Mazzone, a great player you have played against, or the greatest?

You know what Mr. Colbert, he is in fact the greatest.  And I donít say that without an iota of sarcasm.  But really, everyone who throws on the C.A.C. jersey against me has the game of their life, whether or not stats are being kept, we just have a history of playing in many one sided games. 

You need to guard me

As long as you return the favor and I can attempt to post you up.  I have a feeling that Iíd still find a way to brick more than half of my attempts.

B.  Why are you so jealous of the MazZone?

I just like to make sure he knows when he has a bad shooting night, which is much too often lately, keeps his ego in check.  A couple more seasons in the A1, and heíll be playing at my level.

10. Will you’re next title be Commish of CAC?

Well you never know, but in order for that to happen Iím going to need to find away to dispose of the Baby Commish, whose birth is right around the corner. 

Youíre only hope is he grows up to have the ìhave-notî syndrome and wants nothing of his affluent fatherís throne.  Tibbs, thanks for stopping by the Corner, but that door leads to the master bedroom.  The front door is that way and take your albino seed with you, away from mama Tical.

Cockblock.

I hate you.

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