Now Introducing…Mr. & Mrs. PackaVestal!!!

As some of you may know, Tibbs popped the big question to the luckiest girl at CAC and low and behold, the girl said YES!  Of course this deserves a blog and who best to break the story than CAC’s Adam Sheffter.

Tibbs: Isn’t Sean Salisbury more appropriate?

Salisbury?  Don’t you mean Tube Steak?  Or has your ole lady not shown you that footage of me in the locker room?

Caitlin:  Yeah…he swallowed the whole thing.  No gag reflex at all.  You sure your nickname in college wasn’t “Duck”?

Tibbs: You would think I’d be offended by being called Mr. Vestal, but no, this is like the 436th time I’ve heard it since I started dating the female Rick Barry (chick doesn’t miss!). Real original pal, but I guess its better than “Duck.”

Caitlin: I keep getting asked if I’m changing my name, but Pack a Tibbetts just doesn’t work

I would love to comment on my ‘Duck’ days, but the video speaks for itself.  Besides, this isn’t about how far I can stick things down my throat, this is about YOU GUYS!!!  So without further adieu…Tibbs/Pack a Vestal…Welcome to the Corner, again!

Tibbs: I think this is like my third or fourth interview, but not because I’m interesting or funny or good at basketball, but because I threaten to fire everyone if they don’t talk about me relentlessly.

Haha, believe me, people are ALWAYS talking about you, relentlessly.  BELIEVE ME, you never have to worry about people keeping your name out their mouths.  So speaking of your name (great segue), Caitlin, please give us the romantic details of how this spectacular engagement event came to enfold…wait…Caitlin, (or Tibbs for that matter), you aint preggers now are you?!?!  Takin’ jumpers for two now are ya?

Tibbs: I’ll leave that up to Caitlin, but did I ever tell you that one of my best friends from high school invited Jason Tibbetts and Caitlin PackAVestal to his wedding? Apparently the first time I introduced them I was hammered and convinced him that was really her last name.  Fantastic…

Caitlin: Well based on how much I drank at dinner last night I hope I’m not pregnant….but it all goes back to a warm July evening in 2007 Tibbs asked me to go get a slice.  I did and apparently the sparks were flying at Pizza King because even though things got a little foggy that evening, I do recall that Tibbs never did get to eat his pizza.

What are you talking about?  Tibbs told us all the next day he got his ‘slice’…on the first nite no less young lady!!!  I assume there will be no white wedding dress?!?!?!

Caitlin:  Please, he wishes.  He was lucky I even let him near my restaurant!  Despite his tall tales we find ourselves, 2 years later, on a trip to NYC to be tourists during the holiday season and after I beat him numerous times at Pop-a-Shot at Dave + Busters(huge surprise) he still wanted to marry me.  Back in the hotel room, he popped the question with a beautiful ring (yes I get to be a little sappy now) and I don’t know if I ever said yes, I just said “really?”

You said “Really?”  Are you serious?  Didn’t your mom ever teach you how rude it is to answer a question?  Tibbsy, get back in there…

Tibbs: Huh, sorry, I think I dozed off.  Apparently Gripp thought that question asked how we met.  I’m pretty sure that’s been covered a lot in the past, ah well.  You know women…

Yes, I know women all to well.  They never listen and their farts smell just as bad as ours yet they always have to give us shit about it.

Tibbs: That’s the truth!  You know what else is the Truth…she never ‘acutally’ said yes.  (Tical making the �tisk tisk� face at PackaVestal) And no, as I told my 5 facebook friends, it’s NOT cause she’s knocked up.  My mom was kind of upset about that… 

Has the Commish approached you guys yet about having the wedding at Center Court?  Of course members could come for free, non-members must pay $10, while everyone could wear their Collared CAC shirts to the ceremony?

Caitlin: Are you the officiant? And will non-member guests be able to use towels? I’m not sure for what yet, but I just want to know that I can include that on the invite

Tibbs: Best line I heard was from Orange Slices and Daisy Dukes, another celebrity CAC couple, at least one of whom will be returning to Wall Ball Arena in the Winter ’10 season…

            Amanda: “I told Gripp she should get married at the CAC,  O’cal said that and     said he would like to officiate it.” 

            Vigneau: “though the way he calls games, you might end up with her married to    someone else” 

I couldn’t agree more, you’re a mess Sean…

 

It’s pretty easy for Vigneau to criticize me at my reffing job as I know how much I am detested among some of the ‘softer’ CAC players.  I would love to flip the script, but I cannot criticize the man because, unlike me, he is the best at his job.  The man always remembered to bring those Orange Slices.  Probably doesn’t fuck up a cup of coffee like I can either.

Speaking of being the best, just a few short weeks ago, I had the pleasure of sharing a drink with arguably, the best couple ever spurned from a CAC hook-up, (not named Taitlin) JRod and his Beloved.  Throughout our discussions, we began reminiscing of all the numerous love explosions that had occurred between CACers, yet it seemed that only Jabby’s fine “roll in the hay” has lead to wedding bells.  Now, you two can join that elusive list.  How does it feel to define the odds?

Tibbs: I would like to go on the record to say that just because The Hitman and Beloved jumped the gun and were engaged first, they’re still second to us (and maybe the Daisy Duke/Slices combo) in terms of longevity.  We can’t all be in our 30s, with a balding, sorry ‘maturing’ hairline and like to sip scotch in need of jumping in with both feet.  Some us take time to mature.  I still haven’t, so I’m not really sure where I’m going with any of this…

 Caitlin: With the womens leagues growing each season you’d think you’d have found your own CAC girl by now or do CAC guys now strictly go for Tommy Doyle’s waitresses?

 Tibbs: I think the Playboy has forced them all to quit by now…

I would never go slumming for a Tommy D’s waitress after one of them spited my man Cuntry Grama.  We all know Billy wears/loves those big floppy socks.  So you can imagine how heated I got when my man was willing to give a pair to one waitress and SHE REJECTED them!!!  Selfish bitch wanted a diamond I guess.  What ever happened to falling in love with a man and his bus pass?

Plus, I was saving myself for either one of you, because ever since I have known you both, either one of you would give your left hand to go for a bumpy ride in this guy’s racecar bed.  Now, you two are about to tie the knot and my long standing rule is that I will NEVER hook up with anyone married.  I just don’t wreck homes.  How heartbroken are you to know that neither one of you will ever know what I taste like?

Tibbs: After learning that you had left me out in the cold in BOTH the A2 for Big Nice AND the Sunday AM League (on a team named Mount CACmore no less!!) you’ve already broken my heart into a million little pieces.  When I cover your games in A1, you’re nothing but another James Frey to me.

Grow a beard you destroyer of hopes and dreams…

I named the team after some of the longest standing CACers that I have NEVER played with…and Billy.  When I name a team Mount Dueshmore, you will be my #1 pick.

Caitlin: We’re not married yet Sean…

(Tical slips Caitlin a business card) Call me for the bachelorette party, girl.

(Caitlin looks at the card and reads aloud the inscription) One Free Baby face ride with your choice of topping, jelly or syrup…

What happens in the racecar bed, stays in the racecar bed, no matter how sticky and sloppy you fell when you get out of it.

(She slips the card down into her bra) Duly noted. 

Well now that you guys are officially tying the knot, I’m sure everyone is throwing out their two pennies.  What is the best advice people have given you to make a marriage work?  (Tibbs, I will accept “Never play 18 holes with Tiger Woods, then hit up the titty bar….women be snitches and will blow up your spot”)

Tibbs: You can pretty much replace “Tiger Woods” with Mike Turin, Brian Ripley, Matt Filosa, Arnold Koh, Billy Durbrow, Sean O’Callaghan, the list goes on and on for infamous CACers.  Best advice I’ve probably gotten is from the smartest man in Scranton PA

            “There are certain things a boss does not share with his employees. His salary, that would depress them. His bed. And I am not going to tell them that I will be reading their emails.”

I couldn’t agree more, as my boss, Caitlin should not share any of those things with me…

Caitlin: Ocal, what would your best wedding advice be? You know I only have ears for you

I will leave you with the advice my father gave my brother on his wedding day… “Any carpenter will tell you, measure twice, cut once…Are you sure you measured twice here, you retard?”

Well, peeps,  it is official…CONGRATS!!!  We wish you the best and may all your children inherit Caitlins basketball genes and pigment!

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