O’Cal’s Worst Games

Guest Post by Tommy Kahana

 

Hi All, RoY here and just like all of you, the RoY household is disheveled that our beloved O’Cal is leaving us. Actually I’m not sure who’s more upset me or MrsRoY but we’ll leave that for another day. Moving on….with O’Cals impending departure, it got me reminiscing about the battles I’ve had throughout the years with him and more often than not he got the best of me. Eventually I figured it out and decided it was best to play with him to keep my ego as inflated as possible. However way back in the day, before many of you even joined CAC and we were still in the CRFC days (and yes Tibbs I still have a few of those jerseys) yours truly had a couple of great games against him. Given that this feat was so infrequent it was easy for me to remember intimate details about these games which inspired this guest blog post. So I’ve search far and wide to find anyone who’s had a positive outcome when facing O’Cal on the court. While I couldn’t come up with many, I did find a few. I have no doubt these accounts are extremely accurate however I thought it would be best to also allow O’Cal to shed some light on the situation and relieve these not so favorable moments of his.

So welcome O’Cal to my own basement. I’ve spent a couple of times in your corner so I tried to emulate as best as possible to make you feel as comfortable as possible. Hopefully you don’t find that too creepy.

No, I love the whole Sandusky theme you got going on down here.  Very comforting and like a modernized Neverland ranch.

Anyways, the goal here is for me to remind you of a few instances where you just weren’t that good on the court.

Just a few?Good thing you aren’t reminding me of the few instances where I wasn’t that good off the court because the line of people waiting to comment would be longer than a ticket window for a JBeibs concert

Would probably be made up of a lot of young boys and girls too, but that’s for your conscience to deal with.  I’m here strictly for the hoops.  Hopefully these moments are burned in your mind and if they aren’t, I’m here along with some other CRFC/CAC ballers to remind you of them and hopefully get your insight into what went wrong with your game.  So, O’Cal, these…are you’re bball “outtakes”

Ok, so let me kick things off….

RoY – I had more than just one good game against O’Cal, I actually had an entire good week against him. First game was A1 and I dropped 42 on him going 12-16 from 3. It certainly helped that he spent a lot of time focusing on Al Smooth. Then two nights later in A2, I dropped another 36 on him hitting another 7 3’s. Pretty impressive if I do say so myself but that happened in the winter of 2007 and I don’t think I’ve scored 78 against him since.

O’Cal– I do remember this.  I was still in school and had just got back from Ft. Lauderdale that Monday of our A1 game.  I was young and brash and thought I could guard you on 4 hours sleep and a scorching case of Lauderdale Clap.  The halftime bathroom break that Monday night wasn’t the only part of the game thatI felt burnt.  What can I say, Monday, you torched me.  Wednesday…um, jet lag from the Lauderdale trip.  Yeah, that will work.

 

Ed Finn–So we were in Newport… … … …nevermind.  It’s the first time I ever played against him (and dropped 20 on him, not knowing what I’d accomplished): his wrist was tweaked, and in the 2nd half I ran him off a baseline screen and pulled him by his bad wrist off his intended trailing course profoundly into the screener.  After the ensuing 15-footer ripped the cords, he gave me this “WTF” look as we ran down the court…and I replied with a “sorry about the wrist” look back.  We’ve been tight ever since…

O’Cal – Yes, I remember this.  We were actually teammates that same season, playing Wednesday nights on the Justice League, who played in the first CAC 5 on 5 League (cough…banner…cough) and Ed knew that I was playing through the injury for the better part of the season and that night, he was repeatedly grabbing at my wrist like that creepy drunk guy at the bar who thinks this is a good way to get a ladies attention (cough…me…cough).  Once my feelings were hurt, I just couldn’t play D.  EtTu Fizzle? Then drop 20 on me.

 

Mixtape–In one of the early 5v5 leagues I crossed him so bad on an open layup that he tripped, and I was at my heaviest in the 250 range. Also on a personal level one time at a party in Charlestown at Brian Ripley’s house he made a comment about a Ctown crack whore in comparison to someone’s play and there were a few people that grew up in Charlestown that were going to jump him and I had to beg them not to.  I don’t even know if he is aware….

O’Cal – Thanks, Mike.  The ankles healed up a few months after that move.  The flowers you sent really lifted my spirits, but I have to call B.S. on Ripley allowing CTown crack heads in his house.  That was back in my days when I was straight slinging rock and I couldn’t make a dime at that party and this was pre-recession.   If I had tried slinging hair spray and pink polo shirts, I would have made a killing.

 

BFrat– My greatest bball moment against O’Cal had to be the GOAT about 4 years ago.  I was tearing him up left and right, stoned out of my mind.  I was pulling the fade-aways off the glass yelling ‘Jordan’ as he inhaled my cotton mouth.  The kid couldn’t help but laugh, but for me, it was a great feeling to know that even though he received all the CAC hype as the best point guard, off the wall ball court and on the streets of Saugus, he was owned.  We don’t need to talk about every other time we matched up.

O’Cal– Haha, this story is 110% true.  It was like the scene from Rainman when Hoffman is just killing it at Blackjack and the crowd continued to grow around him in awe.  I almost called a time out to huff some glue to see if it would give me an edge, but we were in Saugus and the softest drug there was heroin so I kindapussied out and didn’t take it.  Still have nightmares about BFrat’s bloody red, half closed eyes repeatedly shitting on me in front of 50 people.

 

Harvey– My first season at CAC in the A1 league, I didn’t know anyone in the league yet. I ended up setting two blind side screens at half court, both times happened to take O’Cal straight to the floor. To his credit, he never got pissed at me, just said “damn, nice screen” and scraped himself off the floor to continue playing.

O’Cal–A. You can’t get mad at Harvey for anything.  B.  They were legal screens.  C. anytime I saw someone new at CAC, I always tried to run into them on a screen so I could get close enough to pee on them and mark my territory.  CRFC/CAC was my home for 12 years.  Anyone stepping on the floor was mine and Harvey was no different.

 

Bobby C– I successfully got the ball in the post without him stealing it was my greatest moment because I knew I then had an uncontested 6 foot jumper because he couldn’t reach to block me.

O’Cal – Ok, out of anyone, very surprised that Bobby did not bring up the several game winning shots on me.  Maybe because Bobby is so used to hitting those shots they all blend together, but I specifically remember twice in our careers that he hit the same EXACT shot on me to win a game.  Get the ball, two dribbles towards the baseline, turn around and wham, money shot in my face and no towel to wipe off.  Dude never called me the next day either.  Love em then leave em, Bobby, huh?

 

AK – One time I posted O’Cal up & scored on him (I think).  It was because I am incredibly skilled & not simply because I outweighed him by 100 lbs& his incredible speed literally couldn’t get around my fat
body.

O’Cal – Oh, AK, cmon now, how do you not bring up Real and Spectacular, A1?  I had assembled the greatest A1 team at the time on so many levels (prior to Write It Off – ok Preston?).  Me, Tosti, Erik Brown, Nip Jeti, and Spinney.Ak’s squad, led by Majic dismantled us in the semis.  I believe it was AK’s first brick and the first time I needed grief counseling after a loss.  The Wolverine helped me cope with the loss with a series of breathing and petting techniques.  His girlfriend didn’t mind my petting at all.

 

DMac – We won the 1st 5v5 A league chip at CAC…Ocal led the playoffs in dimes….we just won the WSBL (Newton YMCA) 2 seasons ago when upon his arrival…nuff said….the homie can ball and will and will be greatly missed…

RoY – Dmac, we’re trying to highlight games where O’Cal sucked!!!!

DMac– Oh, well I never played much against Ocal but whenI did he would lock me down like a fat chick who had a positive EPT test…..

O’Cal – hahah, no one locks down DMac, and knowing that is probably the reason why I never played against him.  He should be charging me rent for living on coat tails.

 

Tibbs– I denied him his 11th A1 title simply by playing on his team -best memory against him ever

O’Cal–  FACT…(Looking down and shaking his head in dismay)

 

Matty B – The only time I felt that I “bested” O’Cal was whenever I convinced him to actually “try” against me….and then he’d embarrass me with some variation of dribble move/jump shot.

O’Cal – Many a great pick up runs against Matty, including one time when he shit blocked me, causing me to reevaluate trying to develop a post game.  Should have went with the sky hook, but chicks don’t dig the sky hook.

 

Majic – Best moment against O’Cal was when our two teams matched up in A1 and we bet that the loser would have to wear JORTS the following week. To see him struggle the following week in those heavy….oh wait, that was me who was forced to wear them.

O’Cal – Haha, you could hear the thigh chaffing all the way up in the second floor.  Sounded like someone tearing out pages of a book and crumpling them up.  Payback for Real and Spectacular Majic (See Above).Turn about is fair play though.  We lost to Macho’s Write It Off the following week and I got jorted, except I felt at home.  Always play in carpenter jorts.  Can keep the Gatorade right in the side pocket.

 

Kap – I actually have never had a good basketball moment against O’Cal but a couple of other moments stand out like taking his money in beer pong….at his birthday……at his house. Oh and of course the biased, blinded and NFL replacement ref like officiating.

O’Cal – Kap hustled me on my birthday on my home turf.  He’s lucky that didn’t happen 2 years ago in my parent’s house because he would have felt the wrath of Mama OCals wooden ladle.

I apologize for nothing on the officiating end.  Never leave the game in the hands of the ref, especially one that is known for “winging” it.

 

Wow, thanks for the self esteem boost RoY.   What’s next, you got photos from my awkward teenage years?  Want to talk about how I used to clean up everyone’s towels at CRFC?  Want to wheel in all the fat chicks I’ve ever hooked up with?

No no no….I don’t know if I have a truck big enough to accommodate that much girth. Anyways, O’Cal, you’ve probably played like a gazillion CAC games and we were barely able to find 20 where you struggled. You will truly be missed here at CAC on and off the court and the RoY’s wish you all the best!!!

2 Responses to O’Cal’s Worst Games

  1. my quote was supposed to say “anytime I got the ball in the post”, unfortunately that wasnt often because you averaged 15 steals a game vs our team. And yes O’Cal, I have hit so many game winning shots that I really can’t remember who they have come against, it would probably be easier for me to think about who I haven’t hit one against. Sorry I didnt call you the next day, I was expecting you to call me asking for more.