With 2007 now officially closed for business, itís that time of year to take a good, hard look in the mirror and resolve to improve something about yourself in 2008. For many of you, looking in the mirror is seemingly an easy task as you repeatedly do just that in the hallowed halls of the CAC. The CAC would make for a fantastic study how a mirror changes the dynamics of group behavior, but there is no truth to the rumor that we have a few psychologists behind that mirror studying your every move and selling the research. Anyway, in light of all this, here is a list of proposed 2008 resolutions for many of you, including myself. See if you can match up the resolution with the list of some of your favorite CAC characters to the right. I donít think youíll need an answer key, but if you do, feel free to email me. And you never know, ìyou just might get into my next mailbagî (sarcastic smirk and eye-roll inserted here).
|1. To explore a “no water cooler access for non-members” policy.
2. To do a quality write-up of a playoff game that my team loses.
3. To admit that I am actually 790 years old and really named Methuselah.
4. To attend a league drinking event w/out worrying about my cat’s welfare.
5. To not attend a league drinking event and do an actual write-up instead.
6. To post about Friday 5:30 pick-up a full week ahead of time.
7. To continue to test the limits of a male’s vocal range on the sidelines.
8. To film that “CAC Girls Gone Wild” video that we all dream about.
9. To stop hosting weekly R Kelly after parties in my mom’s basement.
10. To patent the phrase ‘C’mon Wolverine!’ and make myself rich.
11. To just drop rock already and get it over with (same team, guy).
12. To admit being injected in the a$$ with HGH by the Commish in 2002.
13. To post something that non-Mensa members can actually comprehend.
14. To admit Wolverine is/was a better rebounder than me (while sober).
15. To ensure the sub-prime mortgage crisis will not effect this year’s Goat.
16. To unionize the refs so I can buy bigger and shinier rims for my Lexus.
17. To research whether Tim Spinney and I were really separated at birth.
18. To thank the Wolverine for my CAC breakout moment (and girlfriend).
19. To audition for Colin Ferrell’s stand-in role in his next movie.
20. To start charging my roommates for the usage of my new HDTV.
21. To apologize for my jab at the Wolverine in T’Cals Corner!