The Root of All Evil

The Root of All Evil? (I would love to see the equivalent of this in JBerrís blog)

 

Iím sorry ladies but you are the root of all evil.  History is splattered with examples to back up my position.  If you ever read the most famous history book of all time called the Bible (itís a tad winded in areas I will concede) but Eve was the one who ate the apple!  Whatís that you say?  Adam ate the apple too?  Of course he did.  Fellas, we all know that if the ONLY chick around told you to staple your nuts to your thigh youíd probably end up doing it for the tang.  Taste the apple for the pretty naked chick?  No man alive would have said no.  Simply entrapment by the gender pre-disposed to evil/sin.

 

So the night of the LNO I left my car at the T so that I could earn my responsibility badge.  As most of you CACers that attend LNOís know, I never drive because I know where the night is heading.  What do I get for being responsible?  Well let me tell you…

 

I go to pick my car up Sunday morning, well afternoon, and it aint there.  I thought it must have been towed and the phone call to Malden PD confirms it.  However it was not towed for being illegally parked but because some female-american smashed into my PARKED car.  It gets better.

 

The police report said she was ìtextingî while driving.  I love it!  While sheís ìsnipingî (drunk texting with one eye) to set up a booty call with some guy other than me, she unknowingly gets to 4th base with me because now I get to bend over and take it from the Insurance company.

 

Whatís that you say Tical?  Why are you bending over? You werenít at fault.  That is what I thought.  This was the first time my car was smashed.  Call me crazy, but I thought my insurance would be taking care of every thing because of my SPOTLESS (no accidents/tickets) record and would want to continue collecting my checks every month without having to do dick.

 

I am so young and stupid its not even funny.  My female american ìclaims adjusterî never took my calls and as this was my ìcar totaledî cherry, I had a ton of questions and wanted to know what to do. Eventually I get some answers.  There is nothing worse than having to wait for something that sucks (After this experience I retract every apology I always give to any female American I become ìromanticallyî involved with).  Here is a list of the ìnoísî I received in response to asking, for what seemed like reasonable things I thought my insurance would get from the female american who smashed into me and her insurance to cover as I WAS AT NO FAULT:

 

  • The cost to get a new car just registered and inspected
  • My travel expenses (cabs/taking the T) until I got another car (within reason of course)
  • Paying expenses to get prospective new used cars checked out by a mechanic before I purchase the car

But the tip of the iceberg wasnít so much what my female american claims agent told me but what she didnít tell me…

 

She never told me to take the plates off my totaled car.  I may be dumb as bricks but it never occurred to me that I needed to do that and my new insurance agent (Liberty Mutual F Yea!!!) told me how important it is to get your plates:

 

1) because I need them for my next car because it is cheaper to transfer my old plates than have new ones issued. (again, my old insurance said I would have to pay out of my pocket to ìtransferî the plates to my new car.)

 

2) I will paraphrase this explanation and put it into a Ticalism so you all understand better:  if someone at the tow truck company where my accordion of a Camry was wants to run meth across the border, he can take my plates off and use them.  SO we he gets caught and they run the plates, my name comes up.  Then I can spend the next few weeks filling out reports on how my car was totaled and I forgot to take my plates off or spend those weeks in jail under suspicion of being an accomplice to a meth deal, losing what very little of my anal virginity that I have left.

 

WHY DO I HAVE INSURANCE AGAIN?

 

Now, someone not as smart as your boy would blame all my stress and anguish on the hypocrisy of the Insurance business.  Not so fast my friend.  What is the common denominator?  Thatís right, the Pink Triangle.  The Flesh Taco.  The Baby Hatch.  The Banana Hider.   Call it what you want but a rose by any other name….is still the root of all evil

 

First Eve, now this.  When will society realize that pointless wars and crashing stock markets arenít really that important.  We need to concentrate on making women less evil.  JBerr and Pack A Vestal, you are on notice. The power of JC will compel you rest assure.