TiCal’s Corner: CAC Staffer Laura aka L Weezey

Tical’s Corner – Today’s guest is a fellow CAC Staffer who has been holding it down for two seasons now.  Surprisingly, she hasn’t run for her life and has come back for yet another season.  Of course, if I had the chance to work with me and DMac, I would do the job voluntarily. Thus far, Laura has followed wonderfully in the footsteps of the other former female writer-upper legends, JBerr and PackaVestal.  Let’s see if she can be just as good in the Corner.  Time to put on the grown man act, we gots us a lady stepping into the Corner..

Laura it’s a pleasure to have you in Corner…

I would say the pleasure is all mine, but I thought I had another week off before I had to start listening to your witty banter again.

Some people are just born lucky Weezey…

1.  Please, give us some background information about yourself…

Really?? Do you really think anyone cares?  All they care about is whether the stats and write-ups get done…but if you must know, I am a New Englander who grew up loving the Celtics…even when there wasn’t much to love…played basketball all through school, and apparently love the sport so much that I voluntarily subject myself to hours of sometimes bad basketball and working with the likes of you and DMac. 

That response wreaks of someone from Connecticut.  People from Connecticut never want to actually admit they are from that territory, or is it one of the 50 states?  I always get CT confused with Puerto Rico…oh wait, there are more Puerto Ricans in CT, never mind (HARTFORD WHAT WHAT – Bring back the Whalers!)

No, no, no…the Puerto Ricans are in Willimantic, not Hartford.  And seriously, what is with this whole new passion for the Whalers?? If people really cared, they wouldn’t have gone under in the first place…

You never know what you got till its gone.  Although what is sadder, the fact that people miss the Whalers or that the only thing You People have to miss is the Whalers?

2.  How has CAC changed your life?

For the better or for the worse? 

No such thing as for worse…you must have CAC confused with marriage.

3. What leagues will you be covering this season and do you plan on “bringing it” or do you plan on me and DMac carrying you again?

Oh, Pa-lease!! You guys carry me? Dream on…we all know, as soon as the B2 East 5v5 was blessed with MY presence, it became the league TO BE.  The refs are inconsequential…

Hurts every time I hear that.  I’m sure you didn’t think that when my boy Bob the Ref made a special cameo when DMac had to go down to South Beach to wrangle some sharks (half true, DMAC has legit pick up a shark out of the water at a beach before btw…we got pics)  PS BOB where you at???  Don’t let those Monday night ruffians get the better of you.

But seriously…now that I have had the chance to get to know the teams and the guys of the B2 East, I am proud to say I will once again be handling their league, and plan on stepping my game up now that I know most of them well enough to talk some more sh#t in the write-ups!! Now if only they would start interacting on the message boards we would have a good thing going…pretty sad that you were the main contributor to any of my board posts, don’t ya think?? 

Very Sad indeed.  The B2 East 5v5 is like my first middle school dance.  All the playas scared to tango and everyone on the floor STILL HATES ME.

 4.  Should women still get preferential seating treatment on the T in today’s world?

 If you are old, handicapped, juggling multiple children, or pregnant you get preferential seating on the T.  Just because you have a vagina does not mean your legs stop working!! Am I right or am I right??

Whoa, whoa, whoa…they got the seat for the Hoo-Haa?  I thought it was for the smaller brains?  F- That.  Bras have been burnt, you can’t play that card no more ladies.

5.Who had the best TD celebration ever in the NFL?

I think I am going to have to go with TO’s spiking the ball on the Cowboy’s Star…for a couple of reason.  1) probably the most blatantly insulting to the home team of all possible celebrations. And 2) because I am a Giants fan and love when anyone shits on the Cowboys…even if it is TO.

Randy Moss mooning the Green Bay crowd…BRILLIANT!

6. Speaking of TD Celebrations, who has the better Reality show, TO or Ochocinco?  Or has the Jersey Shore just ruined it for every other Reality Show?

Just reading the words Jersey Shore dropped my IQ by multiple points.  Thanks to those moronic, spray-tanned alcoholics frat boys and sorority chicks everywhere think hair gel, trucker hats and camo are acceptable fashion statements!!  What are we allowing MTV to teach the youth of today…please tell me they are not the future of America??  Cause if we think we are f’ed now, just wait till the Snookie generation is making decisions…

I know DMac was tickled pink that he got to meet “the situation” or whoever it was…but do you seriously watch this show?? Please say no, or whatever shred of respect I had for you is gone!!

I did not watch the show when it came out, however, truth be told, I watched the marathon about a month ago with DBrow and Spinney…We had to chug our Sam Summers every time someone did something stupid on the show…A couple cases later and I was speaking gibberish for Harold Smifffff’s going away party at Tommy Doyle’s, our League Sponsor in case you didn’t know.

I do love hearing that women have been calling the “Situation” a buttaface.  Do you agree that is an accurate nickname for my man?

That is awesome..and absolutely accurate

7. Did Lebron make the right…DECISION…by leaving Dumptown for the GTL lifestyle known as Miami?

The answer really depends on what part of this fiasco we are talking about…If we are talking about the television production that was “the Decision”…then the answer is both yes and no. Yes it was the right thing to do because he got everyone in the world to sit on pins and needles and do nothing but talk about him, thus upping his value, in his mind.  No it wasn’t the right thing to do, because as soon as the anticlimactic “decision” was made, every basketball fan not calling Miami home, with some semblance of a brain, now hates Lebron.  I hate him for somehow suckering me into thinking I really cared what he decided…and I hate him even more for making me watch the most uninteresting 1 hour special ever aired…I will never get those 60 minutes back…damn you Lebron, damn you!!

However, with all the pomp and circumstance aside…professionally, if he wants to win a championship it was the right decision…but I cannot help but think he will now never be able to live up to his nickname.  Had he been able to capitalize on the opportunities he had had over the last couple of years and won a title with a decent yet, not star studded supporting cast…he could maybe be considered “the king”, but having to do it with two other superstars, definitely diminishes his value…at least in my mind.  Maybe if he hadn’t mailed it in the playoffs more than once, I wouldn’t feel this way…but it isn’t just about winning sometimes, it is about how you lose. 

8.  Give me your top 5 CACers that you have covered and why?

Considering my short tenure with CAC, this is a toughy.  But I will give it the ole college try.

            -Melo…all around best of the B2 East 5v5.

            -Ben Max…only covered two of his games this past season, but man is he

             good and fun to watch.

            -Magic…that kid can hit anything from the outside, and when he is pissed

            he can play down low and make you pay.

            -Gerrity…purely because I am amazed that a shot like that somehow goes in.

            -You and DMac…cause even when you are just f’in around with the B2 east

            guys…it makes it blatantly obvious why there are different skill levels at the

            CAC..no disrespect to my B2 East guys…you know I love ya!

Ya, D-Mac has that ability to make those around him feel less than a man (see us reffing when he goes sleeveless and I got my spaghetti arms dangling from my otherwise finely chiseled physique.)

9.  Who had the better translator, Sammy Sosa @ Congress for the Roids hearings a couple years back or Manny Ramirez at his White Sox press conference?

I am going to go with Manny’s…mainly because he doesn’t need one and felt the urge to have one anyways. 

Having a translator during any sort of interview is going to catch on like aviator shades or the missionary position.  If everyone was smart, the next job application they fill out, no matter what, you need to check off a minority status.  Me, I will be checking off Asian just to have my translator there for me any time my bosses want to talk about numbers and stuff.  I will conveniently forget how to speak English and just let my translator handle all the questions.

Haha, see now that’s a smart idea…you need all the help you can get, but Manny doing it just made him look like an idiot…Not that Manny needs help looking like more of an idiot…but this certainly made me hate him even more than I already did.  Wow, I apparently have a lot of pent up anger…see this response, Jersey Shore commentary, and following insults to Tom “the fairy” Brady.  In case no one noticed so far, I am NOT a Sox or Pats fan…

You are as subtle as a watermelon to the face!  Love it!  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8cfeTZNcA3g

10.    For our parting question, please tell us… Would you rob the cradle for Justin Beiber?  Be honest now!

He is all yours Ocal…but if we were talking Taylor Lautner, I would fight you for him!!

Believe me, if I could get within 100 yards of any underage kid, it would be him…He looks like a mini-Tom Brady…However, his career is a lot like the Times Square Ball at New Years…Once his balls drop the shows over…No high notes after puberty son, sorry.

On that note… I think the ball is dropping on this interview.  Get me out of here it smells like Vaseline and desperation.

Correction young Weezey…vaseline, desperation and 5 hour energy drink…I spilt some in the rug in the corner next to the wet naps.  Laura, aka LWeezey, officially welcome to the CAC fam and get your roll on in the 5 on 5 B2 again.