TiCal’s Corner: Hallsy

With my social networking skills unparalleled, I have decided to start throwing the Wednesday Night 5 on 5 B league, that I am currently hacking it up in, some media loving.  Todayís guest, Chris Hall, hails from the Heavy Hitters, who were the runners up last season in the 5v5East.  My man got a 3pt shot that rivals DMacís in efficiency and in purdiness, so you knew an interview had to follow.

 

Chris, thanks for taking the time to sit down with the CAC media…

 

1.  Please give us some background info on yourself (where you grew up, how you came to CAC, have you ever done time, etc…)

 

TiCal, thanks for having me here in the Corner.  Whatís the ìTiCalî stand for anyhow?  I thought you were OíCalÖnow Iím totally confused.

 

It was given to me by one of the fellow CAC founders known as Diesel.  Tical is a reference to Method Man the actor (thatís right he donít rap no more.  F a Grammy he should have won an Oscar for his dramatic portrayal of Jamal in ìHow High.î  Got his Johnson wet in Lisa Turtle too in that movie).  It rhymes with OCal, I guess, so it stuck, but please, this is about Hallsy, not Tical.  Please continue on your meteoric rise to CACdom

 

Well, Iím from MA, grew up in Haverhill.  Went to UMass Amherst and had a triple-major in pickup hoops, beer and pizza (Antonioís for those in the know).  Played a lot of pickup with the teams that went to the great 8 and final fours in the mid-90ísÖthose dudes were nasty.  Camby once blocked a three-ball of mine and I swear to this day he was standing directly under the hoop when he jumped out at meÖcrazy.  Graduated from college in 95ÖI am OLD.

 

I lived in Jacksonville, FL for a couple years after school (stay away from there if you can) and now live in Davis Square over in Somerville.  Married my UMass honey and have three little boys at home (yes, again, Iím OLD).  They all chuck bombs at the driveway hoop, just like daddy.

 

In terms of the CAC, a few buddies and I had been playing in a league up in Waltham for several years and got bored with it.  I had heard about the CAC leagues from a friend so we decided to switch it up.  Good move, we are enjoying the leagues thus far.

 

As for doing time, havenít done any yet, but I have been known to get VERY angry with referees from time to time so I wouldnít count it out.

 

2.  Our two teams recently played against one another and I have one burning question I have been meaning to ask you:  Were you guys confused at the end of the game when I kept giving your team the ball?  Were you guys like, wait, I thought he is on the other team?  Tical doesnít think heís a Heavy Hitter now does he?

 

Ah, I get it now, the ìTî in TiCal stands for TURNOVER.  Ha, but your Big Nice squad took us down last week despite your many giveaways.  You guys have a nice team by the way, very balanced.  I think Frail is still trying to tally the stats for all of DMacís jumpers in that game.

 

DMac isnít just a pretty face with an even prettier ride.  My man can sling it with the best of them and is a dime machine…

 

Pending you give him the ball and not the other team correct?

 

You may not know me well enough yet Chris, but I am an unconditional giver.  That is why I am still single.  I have yet to find a Queen worthy of this kingdom yet.

 

(Chris slowly looks around Ticalís basement, noticing the dirty clothes slung over the leopard sheeted futon, the dirty dishes/glasses spread out around the room, and the seemingly endless ìlove stainsî underneath the Larry Bird Fat Head)

 

Yeah, Iím sure thatís why no girl would want to be with you.  Good thing you are relatively young….and stupid

 

3.  Will the new Stat Keepers of the 5on5East be able to hold a candle to JBerr as CACís most beloved writer upper this season?

 

JBerr is top notch, but timeliness is not her forte.

 

You expect a woman to be on time?  Who is young and stupid NOW!?!  Letís be honest here, besides having a vagina and smelling nice, women havenít really been pulling their weight since the Old Testament.

 

Since I do not want my better half to change the locks on me when she sees this interview, I will just plead the 5th here on women, but  I have been very impressed with the promptness of the write-ups and stats from BFab and Frail, nice work.  But, if they ever start introducing sexual innuendo into their writing (a la JBerr), I may have to quit the leagues immediately.

 

4.  Admittedly, I am a conspiracy theorist.  I believe there was a second shooter on the grassy knoll.  I do believe that basketball came up with the 3pt line so white boys could still play the game. I do believe Eve planted that apple on Adamís person and screwed him out of the Garden.  I do believe Cher pushed Sunny into that tree….So, with that being said, do you agree with my conspiracy theory that David Stern controls every outcome in the NBA playoffs through directing the officials how to call a game?

 

NBA officiating is a complete joke, end of story.  The Magic still ended up winning game 4 the other night, but the blocking foul they called at the end of regulation giving LeBron the two free throws to tie it up, was as bad a call as youíll ever see.  Iím a big Celts fan of course, but I much prefer the college game.

 

My personal favorite was in Game 5 of the Magic Series when they called Turkgolu for a line violation inbounding, when NO ONE in the NBA ever has 2 feet behind the line when inbounding after the other team scores.  You can just tell Stern had a million Kobe v. Lebron T-Shirts and dolls made before the playoffs even started.

 

5.  Please give our readers some insight into the Heavy Hitter clubhouse.  Who is the BMOC, who is the clown, who is the suave ladies man on your team who has nicknames for every part of his junk (and no, not because I am single and interested.  The rumors of my homosexuality are exaggerated…I mean made up.)

 

Herlihy is the alpha dog, no question.  Heís a beast under the hoop, best big man in the league hands down.  Right now, his player rater is 35 points higher than the next guyÖjust silly.  We have some good, quick guards (Tommy, Jonah, Rodney and new addition Pete Ervin) that can hold their own with anyone.  Dennis Droggitis is our other big man and is a tough rebounder with a set 3-pt shot that you have to see to believe.  He is also our team clown and the ladies man (at least in his own mind).  Rounding out the squad are solid role players Kevin (also GM), Jimmy and Eric who all had, and will have, their shining moments.

 

6.  How come you guys did not come to the Cougar Den AKA the Warren Tavern with us last Wednesday and donít give me that old excuse ìIím a grown up Tical, you know, with a wife, family and a mortgage to pay?î

 

Iím a grown up Tical, you know, with a wife, family and a mortgage to pay.

 

Damn it!  Heís good.

 

7.  As a 3 connoisseur yourself, who are your top 5 shooters of all time (college or NBA)

 

Top 5:  Chris Mullin, Ray Allen, Reggie Miller, Dell Curry, Larry Bird

Honorable Mention: Stephen Curry, JJ Redick (even though I hate him), Steve Alford

Quickest Release of All Time:  Eddie House

 

Who at CAC has impressed you with their long-ball?

 

That dude Mazzone on your squad has a nice stroke, DMac as well of course.  Butler from ODB is a good shooter, as are Zermani from the Saugus squad and K-Lid from Genzyme.  I havenít seen Billet yet, but Iím sure he can light it up.

 

8.  Lindsay Lohan or Brittany Spears, who has had the rougher fall from grace

 

ìDa da da, da da da da daÖall the boys and all the girls are begging toÖIf You Seek Amy.î  Whoa, sorry, where were we?  Oh, right, well I think the fall from grace is a tie, pretty damn ugly for both of them.  But Spears new album has done well, while Lohan continues to struggle.  No doubt Lohan is hotter though, not even close.

 

I agree, see Brittany popped out a few kids.  Once that happened she lost a lot of sex appeal, but Lindsay is a coke whore.  Very few things sexier than a girl that will party for 72 hrs straight and try to steal your wallet after sheís done wettiní your whistle.

 

9.  What is the most compelling sports story right now:  Michael Vick bringing his herpes to his new job working construction, Brett Favreís incessant attempt to teabag the Packers by trying to play for the Vikings or Dirk Norwitskiís crack-head ex trying to baby-trap him?

 

Of those three, Iíve gotta go with the Dirk story as my favorite.  That chick is wacko; his posse has got to do a better job of looking out for him.

 

As for breaking news, how about Coach Calipari getting in trouble again, this time at Memphis.  Watch out Kentucky!

 

Innocent until proven guilty!!!  But in all seriousness, I would have to say that college athletics are probably the dirtiest programs with the big name schools when it comes to recruiting and such.  Where are all the Coach Carters out there? and donít give me that ìThose coaches probably want to stay employed, my naÔve friend Tical, so of course they are going to do whatever it takes to get the best players to win.î

 

Those coaches probably want to stay employed, my naÔve friend Tical, so of course they are going to do whatever it takes to get the best players to win.

 

When youíre right, youíre right.

 

10.  Finally, Chris, I am either looking for you to have my back or really convince me Iím wrong on this one:  Isnít Don McCleanís ìAmerican Pieî the most OVERRATED song EVER.  The thing just keeps going and going and going, and Iím sure heís referring to the day he wrote that song, not the day Buddy Holly etc, died as the day the music died because that song is AWFUL!

 

I agree 100%, hate that song.  Love the movies thoughÖanything with Sean William Scott is a-ok in my book.  Role Models was fín hilarious.  Minotaur!

 

Ah, he may be Wheeler in Role Models, but no matter what movie heís in, he will ALWAYS be Stiffler to me.  Chris, thanks for taking the time to show the CAC media some loviní and best of luck this season.

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