View From the Balcony: Brian Barrett

aka The Beard

It’s been a while since I’ve pestered any of you CACers with questions you probably don’t want to answer for the general public, but seeing as I only have a finite number of ideas to post about, I’m about to start doing a LOT more of these. This week’s victim? A B2 vet (9 seasons and counting) who’s finally out from under Matty Bell’s oppressive thumb and expanding into other leagues (B Draft, B1, Co-Ed), let’s give a warm welcome to The Beard, Brian Barrett!

Brian, you know how this works, answer these questions and I’ll hit more lay-ups when you pass me the ball on Tuesday nights. Let’s start with the usual, who the hell are you, how’d you get here, and why should other people care who you are?

BB: Originally from the Berkshires. The northern redneck part not the sissy tourist southern part with tanglewood and james taylor. Moved to the area for a job. Started playing in the CAC due to working with Matty Bell’s brother at a youth correctional facility (heavily recruited I should add- like SEC style recruiting). And I have  the best beard in the CAC

You work?! I assumed you built your house out of a tree on the Boston Common and survived like that guy in that book who built his house out of a tree. Come on, you’re a mountain man, admit it

I only work enough to support my Bud heavy and Skoal addictions. And yes i am a mountain man. My goal in life is to grow my beard to my waist, have an antique shotgun on my lap and yell at everyone that comes on my property because I think they are after my moonshine still. 

Everyone knows I mostly only give these things out to people that I know/enjoy bantering with.  You’re on my Co-ed Team, so don’t screw this up ok?  After a couple games, how you fairing on the full court, it’s been a while since you’ve played on one hasn’t it?

The full court is killing me especially with no subs. I am basically useless now for Wednesday and Thursdays leagues. The added energy I spend chasing all of yours and Tommy’s missed 3 pointers is wearing my knees out as well. Its tough being the only semblance of a big man on that team, hell the girls rebound better than you two.

I had 16 rebounds Tuesday night! God everyone hates on my rebounding. Just because i’m down to 5 a game the past couple seasons, i’m not as soft as i look! (I’m softer)

You had 16 rebounds because the other team shot 11%  

Thanks Loren!

Stop interrupting me – and half were your own missed lay-ups. Of course those were half my rebounds too but whose counting.

How are you handling being the ‘healthy’ one in your relationship? I used that term loosely because at any moment you could blow out your knee.  Good thing you don’t have to walk to the mailbox to send this back to me.

I am actually tired from this as we speak. But seriously I play harder with Ashley around, I mean hell would YOU want to get her mad?? And now she has a license to hunt and shoot me too damn I’m screwed.

She has a hunting license now?  So I shouldn’t ask your opinion of the new Scar-Jo pics? I originally thought they were photo-shopped, what do you think, real, photo-shopped or, “Shut Up Tibbs and let us dream!”?

ScarJo – well I wasn’t supposed to say anything since Ash would kill me, but I was the photographer for that particular photoshoot. How did I do in my directorial debut?

Ha! The entire interwebs look forward to your follow-up project, whatever that may be.  Let’s quickly change the subject back to basketball. I play harder(ish) with Gripp around. If I don’t there won’t be any milk for my coffee or peanut butter in the house for the next week.

I hear ya. I would wager $100 that Gripp and Ashley beat us in a game of 2 on 2. Mostly because we would be tired and out of breath by the time each team took 4 shots.

Give us some dirt on Josh, you’ve been in his shadow so long, surely you must have something negative to say about him!

What to say about Josh.. hmm.. He’s a great player and a good brother, too bad he never acknowledges the fact that he has NEVER beaten me in 1 on 1 in our lives. The reason he is such a good deep shooter is because he doesn’t dare come inside on me. Josh’s kryptonite on the court is obviously his classic temper. Unlike his calm and better looking older brother, Josh tends to get “mad” on the court and lose focus. Of course he usually gets 35 afterwards but you still can get in his head.

You’re way too nice, don’t you have something negative to say? Everyone that plays at CAC has a temper.

Josh needs to give up his attempt at a beard. It took him 23 years to grow one and now he refuses to shave. Its just a bad attempt to be like his older brother. We all can’t look like the Greek God Zeus.

Much better, and enough negativity for this blog, I have plenty of that I’m going to unleash in my new ‘Debacle’ series. List your five favorite CACers, no qualifications

5 Favorite CACer’s, in no order since the CAC has no order.

Stop interrupting me!!

John Thompson – the biggest guard in basketball history.
Matty Bells – Best coach in CAC history and also beat up John in a game once so had to include them both.
Justin Sarro – The only man I’ve played against whose weekly beard rivals mine, plus he kills it in board shorts.
Tommy Kahana – Because if I don’t include him I’ll never get another pass again in Co-Ed.
Tibbs himself – See John Thompson and Tommy Kahana for Tibbs.

Great call throwing Tommy in that list, guarantees you an extra half dozen looks a game right there. That man loves self-promotion. Also, I wasn’t looking for a pity vote, but I’ll take it.  JTho shouldn’t be anyone’s favorite anything.

Well I was torn seeing as I had both you and JTho to give me the soft 2 point shooting center, but he makes me look even bigger and badder inside when we are teammates so I had to include him.

I appreciate it, don’t get me wrong.  Legend in Brian Barrett’s eyes! Every good CAC has his go to excuses for when he plays poorly.  I usually grimace and hobble on my right ankle, even if i haven’t sprained it recently or stretch my shoulder like it frozen in place and I don’t know why.  What are you top 5 (not saying that you’d ever not play up to your full abillity!) ?

Top 5 excuses
1-The roof was leaking and it threw off my concentration.
2- Stayed up late watching a MASH marathon and was overtired.
3- I single handedly broke up a riot at work and didn’t have the energy left to give 100%.
4- Someone snuck some kryptonite into the gym and I was weaker than normal.
5- Like Sampson with his hair, I trimmed my beard and lost all of my powers.

Which coach would you rather play for, Pat Riley (Rings & Hair), Hakeem Olajuwan (Teach you the Dream Shake) or Matty Bells (LET’S GOO!!)

That question is an easy one – Matty Bells of course. I mean besides the times he openly in pre-game lines said I would get torched and then when I outscored everyone get nothing in the write up, to the random yelling and punching of people in games. And you can’t spell motivation without Matty Bells.

Blow my mind by leave us with some parting wisdom, how do you get ahead in life?

In the words of that great and wise American George Strait

“I ain’t here for a long time, I’m here for a good time. So bring on the sunshine, the hell with the red wine, pour me some moonshine”

Now everyone to the bar – drinks on Tibbs!!

I’ll be the first one at the bar and will ‘accidentally’ forget my wallet.  Old school move right there.  That reminds me, I owe you Bud Heavys for joining the team, look for them after our Co-Ed Tuesday game.  Brian Barrett everyone! Thanks for taking the time to put up with my inanity man.