View From the Balcony – Marc Frail

You don’t have to yell. It’s not a train station. We’re in a tin

And the hits just keep on coming!  I swear I’ve used that intro already.  In this week’s addition of the View from the Balcony, I’ve got one of the newest staff members, a new A1 captain, and a guy that puts in about 3 teams a season.  Marc Frail, ladies and gentlemen!
Now Frail, this interview is mostly about you, so start us off with a little inside information on yourself.  You know, something we’d actually have to take the time to talk to you to find out, and no one wants to do that.  Where’d you come from, how’d you get here, and where the hell are you going?
Cafe Disco is dead but I still hear the music in my head Tibbs. What do you think about turning a section of the CAC into a Cafe Disco? What couldn’t be better than a bunch of sweaty men dancing? I bet O’cal would quit his job to be there.

As long as we find a way to ‘convince’ some of the female ballers, I think the Commish would let us steal one of the massage rooms.  Man I miss those massage rooms…

Oh wait you were asking about me? Should I be doing this interview sober? Because this has bad news written all over it. Where did I come from? That is up for question. My parents claim I was a mistake. I still don’t know exactly what they mean by a mistake. Does that mean they tried an abortion and not even that could stop me from being created? Sounds godly. That I cannot be stopped. Or does that mean i was dropped off by a stork? I guess somethings I will just never know the answer too. But I grew up in Burlington, VT where it was cool to hit up the mall in highschool to pick up chicks. Now that I look back on it I never actually talked to a single chick at the mall yet wanted to keep going like I would. Hmm .. maybe there was a reason for that. Kinda like being dumped with the line – “Its not you its me”.

You grew up in VT, that’s enough to know right there. No more background info necessary.

I bet my All VT Team would be untouchable … Me (South Burlington), Greenberg (Rice), Defty Lefty (Essex Junction), Play Boy (Spaulding), and Joe Lamson (South Royalton).

Unbeatable in what, a missed layup contest?

I ended up at the CAC actually through some friends at work who put in a C league team. My semi-pro football season had just ended and I was like sure. I hadn’t picked up a basketball in prolly 8 years and well after 2 sessions it still looks I have never picked up a basketball in 26 years. But my B2 3v3 team did beat Tibbs B1 3v3 team. Hows my arse taste tibbs?

You won the second time around, as I recall, we beat you round 1.  And technically, it wasn’t your B2 squad, you picked and chose from your two B2 squad (you had the Deft Lefty who I want on my All-Lefty CAC team) my team was ‘divided’ to say the least.  Stop living in the past!!

And you too picked and choose your B1 squad from guys who play in A1, B1, B5v5, and A2. So where the competitive balance there? My talent pool was limited to 12 guys from two B2 teams. I beat your team when it matted most. The elimination round.
Naa na naaa na
Naa na naaa na
Say hey hey …. goodbye!
Naa na naaa na
Naa na naaa na
Say hey hey …. goodbye!
Where am I going? Probably to hell.

You go to hell, you go to hell and you die!!!

Mad Mike thinks I am messed in the head and after I talked to O’Cal tonight about how shaving your pubes adds size. He too probably thinks I am messed in the head. But thats probably because he rocks a Zohan type style down there.

It doesn’t?? Man why do women lie so much “size doesn’t matter”, “You’re the best ever” Man if I ever heard these lies, I’d be so mad
Dude comeon no one as EVER told you that you’re the best ever. You couldn’t try to squeeze that in if I was black out drunk.

So Marc, you don’t know my girlfriend in anyway right? You’ve never seen her play and you’ve never met her.  We can keep her out of the interview after this I hope.

Do I know Caitlin … this question should be more like “Why hasn’t caitlin told you about me?” But I can explain that. You never brag about about the past. So if she mentions my name when you know … take care of business. Its not you … its me.
Funny guy, if i wasn’t so convinced you batted for the other team, I might be worried.  You know I saw you and the Playboy out on a couple dates recently?? How’s he doing, do you always call the next morning??
Its called Team Bonding. O’Cal obviously regrets you as a first round pick. He claims he can turn water into wine. What does that say about you?

It says that I’m just is holy relic to be used in anyway he desires.  Now you’ve been around for slightly more than two seasons, but you’ve already made an impact on the message boards (top 20 in all-time posts, just ahead of some CAC legends like Cheese, BRip, AlSmooth, O’Cal and the Commish).  How has this been possible? I also just realized that you may not actually know a single one of those persons I just rattled off.  Wow…

Oh man … I haven’t reached anything yet. I have hoovered over some semi-pro message boards for years. I have been banned probably a handful of times. At least you haven’t banned me on the CAC forum yet. But I guess I really haven’t taken any digs at anyone yet. Maybe I matured with age. But more I think about it … nahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! The simple fact that people take forums as seriously as some do will always leave the door open for me to really get someone going.
Believe me, we don’t want to ban people, the more people you insult, enrage, the more of their teammates get on the boards ( the more people see my useless (but often correct) preview, lines, and banter!!  I’m about to blow your message boards identity for those that don’t know it, you’re M3.  There, it’s been done.  Just be glad I didn’t post your email address for the entire dozen people that read my blog and the rest of the interwebs. I however, have an email address created by serge ( for people to send submissions about how much I suck, isn’t that nice?
See that post I had a whole team talking shit to me behind names. I called them all out. I have no shame.
The simple fact that Serge took 2 minutes of his day to actually create an e-mail address only confirms my guess that he swings on both sides of the fence. His man crush on you is unmatched. I would have took it a few steps further and created a better one. Some of my ideas include –
I mean I could go on forever. 
Man that was a very detailed response to a statement that wasn’t even really a valid question about you.  Sorry about that, sometimes I get distracted when I drink. FYI it’s Polly Pockets…
Fact that you know that says a lot about you right there.
Why do you get to ask all the questions? I feel smothered. And thirsty … let me get a few more drinks to keep going here.
So let me ask you a question because I don’t like how one-sided this is.
Why are the obituaries in the “living” section of the news paper?
What if you are in hell, and you’re mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?
What color hair do you put on your drivers license if you are bald?
1 – Because no one wants to read a ‘Deceased” section. Obits, Stocks, Real Estate and Sports Reporting all in the same section? Talk about depressing.
2 – Heaven, because you don’t get to swear, drink or fornicate up there
3 – Ask the Commish, Lighthouse, or Big Shot Biggins – Boom – Roasted

Did you realize you became the first person to start a thread that I’ve had to lock?  We let a lot fly on the message boards (ok, the Wolverine doesn’t, but I sure do) but that thing got so rediculous I just couldn’t stand to see anyone else respond to it.

There is a first for everything. And I like to make my mark. Hell I could be one of the first people to ever have to wear Jorts during a CAC basketball. And that post wasn’t rediculous? (Seriously don’t you know how to spell?!?)


 What is funny is how offended and fired up people get. Its like candy from a baby on the forum. You tell me I suck, I smell (though I think I smell like Sex Panther by Odeon). But do you see me getting my panties in a bunch? No I laugh because its a rec basketball league forum. I wish games had a door man who asked the simple question to everyone who plays.

Why are you here? I got a basketball game kind sir.
Do you understand this is rec basketball? No sir. This is life
Do you understand this is rec basketball? Sir if I lose I am going to jump off a bridge.
Sorry you can’t play today. Try again tomorrow.
We’re not paying that sob, maybe we can con the scorekeepers into doing that too.  They already taking pointless stats (pointless unless you’re Tommy Kahana and track your ‘career’ CAC stats) do write-ups, post pre-game lines, previews, awards, and still get ragged on my every player in every league.  Whether or not they know it, I get dozens of emails a week from disgruntled players.  Let’s sample a few, all anonymously of course

“Hey, my name is spelled wrong. There is/isn’t an E at the end, can you please change this? My CAC stats don’t show up if I google my name and it isn’t spelled correctly”
“Hey, I actually had 3 blocks in the game last night, not 2.  I know this because I got 2 on the same play against the guy who talked trash to me on the message boards, and then, right before the buzzer, i ran full court to block that same guy even though we were up 21. Please fix so my player rater is right, I think the scorekeeper was packing up his/her stuff and didn’t catch the last one”
“Yo Tibbs, I know this may seem like bitching (it is) but I told my boys from High School that write-ups would be up the next morning after our games, and it’s 12:01 PM and they’re not yet. Can you talk to the scorekeeper last night and have them post it please? We’re really looking forward to them”

Ripped from the next mailbag!  You’re not the only one that could go on all night.

Ha … well apparently it didn’t take long to get a whole entire team to hate me doing stats. I am on a roll and I just got started. I am glad I can add a few emails to your box each day. I am gonna take the Ocal approach and just get the scores right and add random shit at the end of the game to make it look pretty. I mean if everyone is 100% everyone is happy right?

You realize I started this thing like two months ago while drunk and just never got around to finishing it? How pathetic am I?

Hmm … thats a loaded question with endless possibilities. What I think is funny is when you text me to tell me I got a surprise in my email. So I am jazzed up to come home and read the B2N previews. But instead you mail me this crap. Yea I play B2 until you ban me from B2 for my shenanigans. Which I think is coming soon … even though I am really not that good. But I am trying. Did I ever tell in CYO my nickname was beef? True story. I weighed like 100 pounds and was prolly smaller than a tooth pick and yet id try to push dudes 5x my side. If you passed the ball to fast it would knock me over.

“This crap” as you so fondly put it, is your ticket to CAC infamy, and you know you’ve been looking forward to it since I mentioned that you were in my crosshairs, it’s ok, you can admit you’re metro for me.

Only metro is Bush. Seriously what kind of deranged goon thinks of suede with elbow patches? Like I said … check his jeans, and yours, for knee pads.
Ok, enough of the message board bantering!  More about Frail.  Rumor has it (started by me) that you’re going to step up and join the staff on a part time basis next season.  As one of the few basketballers that actually works out at the gym, how are you going to balance covering games, playing in games, filling in for covering games, and working out? Seems like a lot to handle.
Rumor has it? You suck. This is a wasted question. Don’t you edit this thing before you give it to me? But yea 3 basketball games a week, 1 night of scoring, and 4 days of working out is tough to manage. But in college I used to have 6am track practice. So I guess I will just have to start working out in the morning. It may actually kick into the 3-4 hours a night I spend on wii/ps3/360. Who am I kidding thats never gonna change.
Yea whatever, like I said, started two months ago, and we all know how ‘well’ your first night went, you’ll be fine little guy. “I think I can, I think I can” just keep repeating your mantra.  By the way, the significant other won’t be happy about the increased time away I have a feeling.  But who’s write-ups will be better, yours or Jamil’s? You’ve already gotten a taste of his.
I think the significant other hates you, and the CAC right now. This week was not very enjoyable for her. Did I tell you about how I invited Greenberg over to my house to watch the Celtics game and never showed up? Didn’t even tell her just told Lee to hit the doorbell… I had this huge plan and got distracted and never showed. Now that I think about it … she is gonna stab me in my sleep, burn my CAC jerseys and use my air jordans as a vase for her flowers. Maybe you, me, mine, and yours (no not Terry!!!) should grab a drink. So she can see the light.
Side note … I am watching Nick and Nora’s playlist … and that scene where his ex is stripper dancing in front of him outside the car is hot.
But to anwer your question on write ups I don’t care about his because they –
1) Don’t have anything to do with me
2) Don’t mention my name
3) If you still don’t get it start over at #1
Any actual beef with JBall, or is this all a media created rivalry like BFab’s and mine (please note, I hate that guy)?
I play CAC basketball to have fun with friends. This is not life. When I wake up in the morning whether I scored 40 pts, 10 pts, or sucked so bad we lost means nothing. Whether my teammates hate me, or my mom hates me, its all the same. This is for fun. If you aren’t in it to have fun then you need to look yourself in the mirror.

Fun!?! Fun!?! We talking about Fun!?! Man, I’m not in this for Fun!! I’m in this to win the Game!!

Playing has put me in contact with a lot of good people and will continue to do so. Thats how you have to look at. So answer your question? I really don’t know what you mean by beef because it takes 2 to tango.

Why can’t Greenberg make a layup?
Ha thats a great question. And I can only respond with this –
The lay-up is the most basic shot in basketball.
You said it, not me…
I did. But why don’t you let us all know why you can’t make a layout mr.  eww ahh I am a big guy and play in the post.

Because I like to shoot 3s…

Let’s go Off-Topic to wrap this thing up. It’s way too long, the only ones reading it will be you, me, Greenberg and Jamil.

Celtics – IF they beat the Magic, any chance against the Cavs? It’s not really ‘off’ topic, but at least it’s not about C.A.C.!
Well seeing as I am a Magic fan. Shaq, Penny, Nick Anderson, Tree Rollins, Dennis Scott, Scott Skilles … I hope the Celtics crash and burn in game 7!

You know who you are, you’re Cartman eating all the damn skin off the Kentucky Fried Chicken while I’m unloading the groceries from the car.  You go to hell, you go to hell and you die!! And since I didn’t post this over the weekend like I was going to, well you suck even more.

Harold, or was it Kumar?, recently became the Hollywood liason to the President.  Who would you choose to become the C.A.C. Liason to the basketball loving Obama?

Hmm this is a tough question. I would have to say it would be between two people –
O’Cal for taking time during my game to listen to me talk to him about how if you shave your pubes it really does make it look bigger.
Harvey for listening to me talk to him about how getting your hair washed at the salon is orgasmic. They way they massage your scalp is equal to milking the prostate.

Cake & Sprinkles! Who doesn’t love that guy?  How many hours a day do you play Kings Quest?

Dumb question. Thats like me asking you how many hours you sit on
You know what’s a dumb question, whether or not you have SuperAids, you obviously do.  Leave us with a parting rant. Nothing is off-limits – ready, go!
3 words.
I Found Fluffy.

That movie sucks nearly as much as you do!

You did it to yourself
Now your all by your self
Acting like you hate me
I left because you made me
You played me to the left
Now there’s nobody left
To hear your complaining
i’m gone and all you’re hearin’ is your own