View From the Balcony: Mudarri-Sour

Because I wasn’t going to email McGrimmace

It’s been a wHile since we’ve had a View from the Balcony (check the archives, like 6 months) so it’s time to get back into the swing of things for the new season.  Tonight we’ve got one of my favorite characters both on the court and on the message boards.  Give it up for the guy that’s going to make a run at Turin as C.A.C.’s Best Offensive Rebounder, the infamous Mudarri-Sour!

Like all interviews, let’s start with digging a bit into your past. I would have checked in with my private eye, but I feel like Greenberg would have just made stuff up about you.  So tell me, how’d you make your way to C.A.C.? Who was Chris Mudarri before he became Mudarri-Sour?

I made my way to the CAC, as a fill in on one of the original Cha-Ching squads. Some of those guys always take the summer off, and they needed one more to round out their team. Greenberg said they were looking for a guy with limited athletic ability, low stamina, a vertical leap that you canít slide a piece of paper under, and someone who ALWAYS gets the most out of his fouls. Like Macho Man Randy Savage and Miss Elizabeth, CAC and I were a match made in heaven. I earned that Mudarri-Sour nickname from Wolverine. He is my nemesis of referees. I will admit it, I am a hack. But he calls EVERY SINGLE LAST touch, ticky-tack foul and he NEVER lets me get away with anything. So I guess, I am sour when I find out Wolverine is reffingÖhe is my Violet Palmer. If I could choose a ref it would definitely be Cedric because he just lets people play.

Heh, you called him a woman.  Nothing wrong with being named for hating on the Wolverine and after a delicious alcoholic drink.  Cuz really, who wouldn’t love to drink while playing at C.A.C. reminds me of some not-so recent 3v3 tourneys.

And if i occasionally peek up at the scorers table! 

I plead the FIFTH! You know the first question I’m going to ask has to do with The Breakup.  Who was Jennifer Aniston and who was Vince Vaughn.  We need details man.  Also, did you know that crappy movie had it’s own wikipedia page? Why don’t I yet??

Itís safe to say that Greenberg and I have had a long bitter rivalry which began on the ìmean streetsî of Islington, in Westwood, MA.  Our first battle started on the playground in the 1st grade when he dared me to touch a rock in the middle of a giant puddle.  Of course, I accepted his challenge, and when I bent down to touch it, that weasel fired me in the puddle head first, soaking me to the bone.  Given that I was the class trouble maker, (Mudarri-Sour even back then) and Greenberg was the kiss ass teacherís pet, the teacher didnít believe that innocent Brian could have pushed me in, but instead thought that I jumped in on my own.  Humiliated, I was sent home to change into new clothes.  That scar remains with me today. 

Wow, did he fake an ankle injury just to put his performance over the top.  “There’s no way I could have pushed him, I can barely stand on it!” I can see a 6 year old Greenberg starting early…

We have had many other run-ins along the way.  I for one know that unlike most people, Greenberg thinks of cheese, not as a delicious topping that makes any dish or sandwich taste significantly better, but instead as the culinary equivalent of a piping hot dog turd. One day, I told him that he had some food stuck in his braces, so he opened his mouth and showed me his teeth.  I proceeded to press a piece of cubed blue cheese directly into his braces.  I donít know if these stories will be funny to anyone else, but the image I have of Greenberg with blue cheese stuck in his braces, with his face beat red, gets me through a tough day every time. 

I can assure you, anyone from the Mullets, Serenity Now, and even the new guys will all feel a little better after hearing these stories.  I assume you’re talking about this one, though

“Me and Mudarri actually met on the playground in the first grade recess when he put me in a headlock for absolutely no reason.  I was literally minding my own business pretending to be a ninja turtle (ed note: with a sprained ankle?) when he came running across the playoground and tossed me in a headlock.  After I got even with him weeks later by throwing him in a mud puddle (which got him sent home to change), we forged a friendship. This has been a Taster’s Choice Moment brought to you by Weapon X.”

What’s more disturbing, that he refered to himself in the third person, or that he’s obviously lying about you starting it? 

We may never know for certain who started it, but if I did put him in a headlock, he definitely deserved it for pretending to be a ninja turtle.  We all know splinter was the balls.

Ok, we’re way off topic, back to the Break-Up – who had the balls in the relationship?

As far as the Break up, I would say that since I used to work at the Swan Boats in high school, and hate to do dishes, and Vince Vaughn has expanded his Chicago Tours to the Water, Air, and Land, I am probably more like Vince. Since Greenberg and Anniston have a mutual respect for the arts and ballet, both sport Brazilian waxes, and Greenberg was in an a cappella group called The Tone Rangers at Harvard, the similarities speak for themselves. 

Ha! The Tone-Rangers I think I’m changing his team name on the site.  Are the re-unions between you and Weapon X as awkard as every Kobe/Shaq hug?  

Our reunions are not like Kobe and Shaqís used to be, with the awkward eye contact, and handshake/hugs reminiscent of Greg Focker in Meet the Parents.  Although we are rivals on the court, there is plenty of love there too.  Kobe and Shaq are going to be teammates at this years all-star game, could there be a possible reunion in the future for us? Stay tuned.

So O’Cal likes to put the person he grills in bold, Filosa likes italics, but I like to draw attention to my own words and put myself on Blast.  All the guys of Team Blue Chips/Cha-Gina seem to be of the same mindset.  How does everyone survive if they’re all looking out for #1? Plus, how’d you all start playing together in the first place.  Clearly you knew each other outside basketball.

I like that you put yourself in bold, thatís definitely a good look.  But I am trying to get down with the new lingo, after reading the message board, I thought it was putting yourself on ìsmashî. 

I’m officially petitioning League Offices to require every stat keeper to use the phrase “Put on Smash” at least once a season.  It’s an instant classic that isn’t going to fade anytime soon.

Youíre right the Blue Chips team is an all Westwood squad.  Mullen and I were in the same grade in school, and DiMento, Rataj, and McGinnis were the little runts in the neighborhood.  A Funny thing happened though, we used to beat them up and kick their ass in sports, and now they grew up and are now bigger and in way better athletes, which totally blows.  Because we have known each other forever, we have absolutely no qualms about screaming or yelling at each other on the court. Plus, I know you love to watch the team melt-downs from the balcony. So it makes for great entertainment.  We are like the old school Trailblazers of the league.

If I met guys like you on the court I’d be more apt to give them a JRod Arm Guard than ask them to be teammates, good thing you go way back! And they were the little runts? That really is hard to believe! The Napoleon complex that GingerSnap has didn’t give it away at all!

Rataj is like Rudy Reuttiger playing for ND, he’s ALL heart.  The kid always wants to switch with me and cover the biggest guy on the court.  It may not have worked so well against Chris Snow on FF, but you have to hand it to him, Rataj is a pest, and he never backs down.  We might have to give him the Rudy treatment and carry him off the court if we take home a championship.  Tibbs you can be like Jon Faverau (minus 2 bills) and just get drunk at the game if we make it.

You guys really, really seem to not like how each other plays, yet usually pull games out.  What motivated you guys to step up from B2 to B1, while guys like Brian Greenberg are content to stay where they are, beat up on teams and never face a challenge?  Are some guys just wired to be pansies??

We definitely each have our own role on the team, McTicket is our gunner, and can shoot the lights out.  The Rat is probably the fastest kid in the league and can drive to the basket like nobody else, DiMento is just a beast, and Mullen is our Defensive Ace, (plus he can do an impression of any celebrity on command, which in itself is worth a roster spot alone).  My role on the team is probably to miss bunnies and get my own rebounds so it seems that I am more effective than I actually am based on player rater. The problem we have as a team, is when someone tries to do to much outside of their roles, and thatís when all hell breaks loose, which seems to be a crowd pleaser. 

How’s McTicket feel about his random assortment of names? I can’t settle on a permanent one, but McPoopstain that Greenberg through out there last week has really stuck with me.  Stupid Grey’s Anatomy and all their Mc-nicknames has rubbed off on me. 

I bet McTicket, McLoves his nicknames.  I think you have the right idea though, don’t give him a set nickname, and instead give him a new one every week.  Greenberg knows that McPoopstain is right in my wheelhouse, so obviously I enjoyed that one.  McTicket’s nickname actually came from his family’s ticket agency in Westwood, so if you are looking for tickets…hit the kid up.  Also, if you really want to place wagers on any of these CAC spreads, I am sure he will be all ears.

We changed to the B1E, because of my miserable class schedule.  I have class on Monday and Tuesday nights this semester, so since B1E have games on Wednesdayís we chose to move up. We entertained the thought of all Sunday games to stay in the B2E, but since we are all booze hounds and football fans, that wasnít going to work. One day though, we will come back for a Cha-Ching / Cha-Gina rematch for all the marbles.

A have a feeling you’re holding out on me on the boards.  I know you’ve got a lot more creativity and ammo on Greenberg that you’re just not posting, why you holding back?  The McTicket introduction post was incredible – more like that please!

I love the blog.  At first I thought that my skill level was not high enough to run my mouth in a public forum, but I said F it and I have tried to branch out a little bit lately. As you may have noticed, my mouth has helped lead to team Blue Chips becoming one of the B1Eís most hated teams early on.  But it is all in good fun, and we probably like the targets on our back anyway. 

There is no way you guys are the most hated team in B1 East.  Anyone who gives the CAC-N-Ballers or F2 a game will come away hating on them way more. But you guys are off to a good start.  I know you guys handled the whole ‘classes’ acqusations with an apology, and I think everyone is ready to move on.  You’ll just need to buy a few drinks (for me) at the next League Night Out. 

As for the ammo on Greenberg, you know I have a TON.  I mean I have anything you could possibly want to know. But what comes around goes around, and I donít know if I want to start launching bombs, because I know they will be coming riiight back, so I donít know if I want to start that battle.

Smart Man.  Non basketball related topics:  What would be worse for this country, the Steelers winning yet another SuperBowl with shitforbrains BigBen or Brett Favre coming back for another season after his on again off again retirement?

Well since I am a little late on this one, and the Steelers already did win, I can only say that I am really disappointed.  I hate everything about that team, the towels, the fans, Hines Wardís stupid grin.  But on the flip side I am extremely excited about the prospects of Brett Favre coming back to the Jets to throw INTís by the dozen.  If he gets anymore down on himself maybe he will start popping Vikes and Sipping Jack up at the podium for old timeís sakes. 

Tell me how Obama’s really going to fix the economy.  I think he’s just going to legalize weed and tax the shit out of it.  Think about it, people who don’t normally get high wouldn’t all of a sudden show up to work stoned just because it’s legal – brilliant!!

I am not sure how he is going to fix the economy, but something has to get fixed at $140 per league.  Itís getting pricey to get some decent run in.  I will say that if Obama did legalize it, certain ìconservativeî members of the Blue Chips squad might change their opinion of the guy.  That and they probably wouldnít leave their houses, let alone play basketball. 

Pricey? It’s $14 bucks a week, less if your team makes the playoffs.  Plus you get stats, write-ups and the occasional free shirt.  I think more people need to take advantage of the message boards to get their full money’s worth, but that’s just me.  Seriously, I’m posting 3 point shooting % in the A1 now.  If the B1 East could rile up a bit of support and pressure me into it, I’d gladly do shit like that for the Wednesday night league.  It’s all about who you know and who you put the pressure on.  Get creative man!!  

If by pressuring you into it, you mean placing a case of beer up at the balcony, I am sure that will grease the wheels pretty easy on that.  I just don’t know if I will be lobbying for 3pt%age, since my layup percentage is probably about the same.

You’re catching on quick my man, you know the price for goods and services sold. Last one – Erin Andrews or Charissa Thompson? ( for you viewing, uh, pleasure.

Yikes!! To be honest I am more of a brunette guy, and I have never even heard of Charissa Thompson, but after seeing this image, ( I am going with her for sure.  Holy Schnikies!

See that’s what I like, supplying the people with another choice for their viewing please.  Chris, it’s been great having a little Q&A with you.  Any last minute proverb or piece of advice you want to share with the masses?

Any time Tibbs…In the words of Coach Finstock, “Never get less than twelve hours sleep, Never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city, and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body. Now you stick to that, and everything else is cream cheese.”

Fantastic, I’d expect nothing less from an interview sprinkled with wrestling references, female refs, hot babes, and of course, Teen Wolfe.  Greenberg probably likes cream cheese.  Continue the good work on the boards and on the court, remember, you can always cut your third stringer, because you probably don’t need him anyway!