View From the Balcony: Pete McCoubrey

PSmoove gets the Spotlight

Ladies and Gentlemen, potential baby mamas, hide ya kids and hide ya wife!  Today we’ve got a special guest on the Balcony.  He goes by many monikers, Snipes, PSmoove, #nohands, but you probably don’t know him by any of those, or his actual name, Pete McCoubrey.  Someone needs to be the hardworking, underappreciate role player for a team to succeed, and Coubs is in his second CAC season.  He doesn’t get a lot of write-up love, but at least someone is paying attention to me ontwitter.  So pull up a chair and get yo mind right to get to know what on CAC’s newest personalities.

We’ll start with the softball question – where you from, what do you do and how’d you get here?

Well Tibbs, I’m Wakefield born and Wakefield bred, but I currently live in beautiful Beverly, Mass. My life is extremely boring, I work at a bank and I’m a part-time wildly underpaid blogger. Life is good.

So you’re from Wakefield and your team is named ‘Warrior Country’ I assume you all went to school together?

That’s right Tibbs, we’re all from Wakefield (except for O’Brien who’s a ringer and from Reading or Stoneham or one of those bizarre surrounding towns). We’ve pretty much all known each other for ten+ years.  Team chemistry is a real strong suit for WC since the whole team played together in high school, except for me. Not a real shocker… 

Screw team chemistry!  I try to find cracks to get teams squabbling, makes for better board material.  In that vein, throw at least one Warrior Country teammate under the bus.  Feel free to toss them all, as they’re still relatively ‘new’ and I didn’t go to the last LNO to drunkenly harass them.

I think I’d be remiss if I didn’t go with Dills (Mike D’Alelio) on this one. Greer and Worden are both way too good to toss under any kind of bus, and Dills is used to rolling with the punches and undeservedly taking shit for no reason. Basically, Dills is the Greer to my Tibbs. Dills is a stat hound and loves to actively count his assists, so I take extra pleasure in missing the wide open lay-ups he so often finds me for. 

So what you’re saying is that Greer is a baby and can’t take any crap that’s thrown at him? Good to know.  What are you guys, like 22? I remember what it was like to be the youngest CACer around, going out and drinking all the time, those were the days.  Now I’m just an old married man, when did that happen? Anyway, let me relieve my youth, tell me what a McCoubrey weekend looks like?

A weekend for me usually involves me being generally awesome, going out and drinking away all my missed free throws while the rest of the CACers drunkenly talk about the best way to D Worden (editors note: KID FLASH!) or how Marc is sneakily the best player. Speaking of which, leave your girlfriends home at LNO, because LeBlanc will take her.

So we should be calling him Smoove, not you is what you’re saying.  The ladies don’t appreciate all the talk CAC, they just don’t get it.  Rumor has it you recently tossed your game wore jersey, not to a child from the make a wish foundation, but into a box of clean ones.   Come on man, that’s like Launchpad McQuack hanging up his aviator goggles.  Tell me is ain’t so and you’ve come down from your emotional high.

Well, that’s not a rumor, I did in fact toss my sweaty game worn jersey into a box of clean ones. Mostly because I hate those arrogant front-desk jockeys who think they hold the keys to the city and ask us 21 questions just to let us in the door, but partly because I single-handedly lost us a winnable Thursday night game by being even more pathetically awful than usual. Greer told me to sleep on the whole quitting thing, so I decided I’ll come back-but I’m not apologizing for anything. 

Real men don’t apologize, especially to jockeys.  Everyone knows that.  Glad you’re not giving up on us. In fact, I’m hoping to have this posted in time for this week’s B2 write-ups so I can plug it everywhere.  Hoping. it takes me a week to do things that should take an hour. I’m lazy like that.

Anyway, I think that was the hard hitting-est question I’ve ever asked.  Are you sure you won’t throw any more of your teammates under the bus? It relieves pressure, until the next time you see them again.

Hmmm…what do we got. I’m not sure I’m willing to throw anyone (else) under the bus. It’s not OK as the teams worst player to trash any of my teammates. I know that’s not the response your looking for, but those are my boys. Deal with it, Tibbs. 

Damn team chemistry. Aside from your blowup, how’s the CAC treating you?

The CAC is treating me good. I think whoever does the stats is missing out on three or four of my rebounds per game, but I’m not gonna complain. 

You know I know ‘whoever’ is me right? Im dense but not that dense. Someone told me, on the boards, “I fly under the radar, do the little things to help the team win. Something you would never understand.” I think that’s a load of bull, be loud and be proud.  When are you getting out from under Greer’s shadow?

I thrive in Greer’s shadow Tibbs, let me explain something to you…when your not “the man” on your team, and you’ve embraced how much you suck, your free to talk as much shit as possible. What are you gonna say to me? I suck? I know. Cool man, your good at pickup basketball. But if I score on you? Jump over you for a rebound? Then you, my friend, are a disgrace. If I’m expected to carry a load then I have to be held accountable for my words and actions. I’m not ready for that. CAC’s not ready for that.

Time to pimp the website you blog for – give us the low down, or as the kids say, tweet the deets

Oh yeah,, a website I started with some friends of mine. I don’t know why we did it, or why people read it, but they do. We just try to say as many funny things as possible when discussing Boston Sports. And it’s not like Barstool, so you can read it at work and not have to worry about potentially being fired for watching porn. Check it out. Or don’t. 

You people should!  Since you’ve got the underpaid part-time blogger thing down, how have you not been recruited to join the staff yet?

I don’t know Tibbs you tell me, you are the CAC. I’ll tell you what, you send me game stats and I’ll write a recap from what the stats tell me probably happened. But you gotta pay me.

I don’t know if I should be proud or embarrassed, but “You are the CAC” is going to be my new tag-line.  Seeing as you get all pop cultury on the interwebs, give us your thoughts on the Superbowl halftime. Debacle or biggest debacle ever?

Biggest debacle ever. If you actually enjoy listening to the Black Eyed Peas than anything you say or do has any more validity anymore. 

Belive me, I want to punch someone in the scrotom every time they try to tell me that tonight’s going to be a good night. It will be if I want it to be dammit.

In fact, I think (if the technology permits) we should do a scan of every CAC’ers laptop and find out whether or not they’ve google searched Black Eyed Peas Pandora. If so, you’re out. Although, playing on a team with Greer and Kidd Flash definitely makes me feel for the other two peas. Just synchronized dancing in the background and nobody cares…

At least you don’t have a box on your head.  Before we go, settle a great American debate for me.  Miley, Swift, Conrad – all deserve to get their music careers killed off, but M, K, F – who ya got?

Easy Tibbs. I’m gonna Marry Miley because her Daddy is rich and she’s insecure and she’ll probably do whatever you tell her to do for the rest of time. I’m gonna fuck Swift because I hate her, and I’m tired of her complaining on every song about how she never gets the guy. (Not that I know any Taylor Swift songs…) but she’s also the hottest and I’d like to hear a number one song about how we flamed out after the one night stand. I’m gonna kill Conrad because I have no idea who that is. 

Even though she looks like this (SFW) thanks for killing her off. Some people’s wives make them watch too much reality tv of the mtv/bravo/tlc variety.    Not mine though, certainly not. Definitely not Jersey Shore, no one makes me watch that, I love that shit.  Anyway, leave us with some parting words of wisdom. Best I ever got was, ‘don’t stick that in there.” truer words were never said.

Sure, Monday mornings suck. But hey, at least you don’t have aids. 

You know what happens when you assume Coubs.  To all the CACers out there, get tested and get on the court!