Why Would Anyone Want to be CAC staff?

A Tibbs/Bushell BDay Recap which involved a lot of responsible drinking.

Just some of the highlights from a day where we celebrated two “should have been abortions that never took place. ”

  • Mike D is going to be at Hooters?  So I get to get some free booze, wings and get to look at sketchy chicks that are either too shy to be strippers or not good enough to wait tables at a restaurant that requires you to be actually good at your job. (Of course he pulls the no show and I have to hang around with these drunks and pay for my drinks?!?!  You’ve screwed me for the last time Dinarian!
  • I have to sit directly across from Kahana.  His crew just beat mine at the buzzer in A2 and the dirty taste is still in my mouth.  When I sit down its like that awkard day after you see a co-worker  you’ve hooked up with or something…(at least Iíve heard its awkward the next day.  Seeing as how I have never done anything like that I would have no first hand knowledge)
  • Macho came straight from pick up and is rocking the sweatpants get up.  Coming from someone who is usually the butt of every fashion joke I know this crew will not let him forget he is wearing sweatpants or as BFrat put it “BonerPants”
  • For some odd reason, no one thinks this Hooters has good service, except Tibbs and the Sweeney’s who are monopolizing the pitchers of beer down their end of the table
  • BFrat spends an hour bitching about how he has no beer in his cup.  Once he gets up to go to the bathroom the pitchers of Beer  show up and we all empty each pitcher so there is none left.  At least we left the empty pitchers in front of him
  • She has a tattoo of you Macho?  Macho proclaims that a certain CAC staff member got Blue Steel tattooed on her body.
  • BFrat apparently is allergic to condoms or at least that is what he tells women.
  • AK literally asked JBerr to pull over before getting to Taitlin’s so he can legit walk the rest of the way out of fear of dying in a fiery auto crash
  • No JBerr “Don’t leave without me,” actually means, “DONT leave the Supermarket without me” I say as I walk back to Taitlin’s carrying a case of beer in the 0 degree weather.
  • BFrat sucks at the drinking game “drunk driver.”  He racks up a tab of 36 seconds and opts to take some shots of Somerville’s Finest $10 Rubinoff Vodka rather than chug his queer Magic Hat beer ($17.99 for a case?!?  Hope it came with a handjob).
  • Macho telling everyone “I’m going to kill the next person that says I look like a serial killer” and the awkward silence that followed as we all pondered the irony in that statement.
  • GOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL – For those who don’t know the drinking game “Icehockey” it is perfect for loud drunken idiots bc you get to scream “GOAL” like the Spanish dude from the soccer games.
  • Macho accidentally gave JBerr a beer shower, trying to see if he could balance a can of beer on her head like he's William Tell or something.  JBerr then tells me to look at her bc she has beer all over her but I can only reply by asking her why she is sweating so bad? 
  • Bush repeatedly referring to me as "the Fetus" due to my less than muscular physique.  Then habitually telling everyone who goes outside to smoke a butt to shut the front door before I blow away from the table  
  • Whereís Terry and who else is missing here?  Where is Scoop Brady or Perez Hilton when you need them?
  • Is there really only one song on this frickin IPod?  “Dont Let Me Down” by some band that begins with an A is the only song played at Taitlin’s all night and I seem like I am the only one who cares.
  • Before the pizza arrives JBerr wants to “freshen up” after having passed out for an hour, playing Spoon with Pack a Vestal. She goes outside to her car for LESS than 5 MINUTES and comes back in to a slew of under-agers. She doesn’t know who invited them here but guesses that its probably the one person who infamously uses other peoples’ houses as his own “bachelor pad.”
  • JBerr tosses “FireCrotch” texts to me as a Red Head sits next to me on Taitlin’s  couch. Luckily the couch was not burnt.
  • BFrat has the sickest bitter bear face yet has the prettiest singing voice, “maiya heee maiya hooo maiya haaa maiya hahaaaaa"
  • Terry do you have a home?
  • Yeah, just leave Pat in your bed Bush (Cockblocking Bush in the process) and pass out on the floor of the kitchen.  Its not like Pat will wake up and piss all over your clothes or something.
  • Oh, he did.  Well, you love the smell of Laundromat so you don’t mind wasting your day there Bush right?

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