By Rory Duyon
It’s finally time to kick off the brand new Monday Night Coed CAC Hoops League a/k/a Coed 5v5 WEST. Many of you saw my introductory email, but I didn’t have everybody’s email addresses so before I get on with the preview, I will briefly recap. My name is Rory. I grew up in New Hampshire, went to school at Fairfield (look out for the Stags in March. 13-4 and taking down the MAAC this year. See ya, Siena!!) and now live in Medford. I first started playing in the CAC last Spring. My coed team Game…Blouses from the Wednesday night league has made back to back championship appearances and come away with nothing. I will take my frustrations out on each and every one of you in the write ups and message board posts.
This is the first league I have ever worked, but I learned from the best. JZuk and BFab showed me the way and now I’m here to make you laugh…maybe make some of you cry…and drink with you after games.
For those of your who are new to the league, if you’re reading this please tell your teammates. Encourage them to get on the boards and get involved. Again if you were on my introductory email you already read this, but I’ll put it out there once more…I’m very good at taking ridicule. I have to be, because I really enjoy dishing it out, so feel free to take your shots. If your name isn’t Dave Celli then don’t be scared. At least one person in the league will be made fun of more than you.
The ref for our league will be Dave a/k/a “Dmac”. Being a staff rookie, I have never worked with Dmac before, but I have played in a couple of games that he reffed. I don’t recall him making any bad calls on me personally, which is all I need to know to form the opinion that he is an elite official. If you have any beef with anything he says on the court, don’t expect me to disagree with him…unless he says that I’m NOT strikingly handsome.
Now I can’t really rank the teams, because in a new league with some new teams there are too many unknowns…What I CAN do is a Peter King-style “6 Things I Think I Think”…these are NOT rankings…to avoid any bias or sub conscious preference I will go in alphabetical order.
1. The Bulletproof Tigers are going to be a fun group. I’ve learned from a few things about this squad team source who wished to remain anonymous (whose name may or may not rhyme with Rod Marlson). You can’t teach height and this team has it in 6’6” Slim Jim Henderer. You can however team that height to go stand in the paint…that remains to be seen. At that height, I’m sure Slim Jim is often the first to know when it rains. That being the case, he’ll be responsible for telling you when to break out the ponchos when Marybeth “MB4-Three” Holland starts chucking. I hope the Tigers don’t prove me wrong but I think this team will be one of the league leaders in post game adult beverages…that is if Ben “Sloan n Steady” doesn’t pull down the team average. 20 points per game may earn you a spot among the league leaders on the website, but post game pitchers gets you respect!!!
By the way, I have to point out that I love the husband and wife dynamic in the league. Boozer & Dani on WATRB, Jerry & Cynthia from one of the Llamas, TIbbs & Caitlin in the Wednesday night league…now we have a Jerry & Luana Botelhoon the Tigers…I suppose my foot will be in my mouth if they turn out to be brother and sister, but it’s funny to see how each couple interacts on the court. More often than not it plays out the way I expect it does for the rest of their everyday lives together. The woman barks out the instructions and the man better comply, or may God have mercy on their soul. I expect to have fun with this one.
2. I’m sure that Dizzy Llama Green Captain Pat Millina understands that he was one of both JZuk and BFabs favorite targets on the boards…they have passed the torch to me and so I must carry it with pride. With Millina running the show, this team will not be short on heart…talent? Well that may be another story. Still this shoe-in for the All-Jackhole team always finds a way to get the most out of his players. Millina will hustle his ass off, grab rebounds, block girls and argue with Dmac. You can stamp that…I don’t know who else is on the roster but I look forward to seeing the Llamas in action.
3. The President of Llama Nation, Dave Claffey is at the helm for Dizzy Llamas White. Interestingly, Dizzy Llamas White was the best Llama team in the fall session. I’m going to guess this is a different team and that Pat Brown, Nibs the Balla and Nick Bruce were left in the Wednesday division on a new Llama team. Crazy Llama mind games!! Nobody circles the wagons like Papa Llama himself. I’ve played with him in the Llama Summer League two years in a row. This year it resulted in a championship under his leadership. Tough to handicap this team without a roster, but the big question is, will we actually see anybody from this team set foot inside a bar after any of the games? If Claffey hangs onto Rory Hartthat is an absolute yes. If “The Other Rory” stays on Wednesday nights then it remains to be seen.
4. Monstars – I got nothing here. A new team to the coed rosters with just Ryan Walsh and no roster to speak of…since I don’t have anything further to say, I’ll pass it off to my close personal friends B-Real, Coolio, Method Man, Busta Rhymes and LL Cool J — http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewOzi5-AZXU&feature=related
5 The Weapons Above The Rim Blouses are a scary combination of three teams from the Wednesday coed league…Weapons of Mass Seduction, Above The Rim Jobs and Game…Blouses. We have two couples, one married, and a pair of sisters. Get used to seeing WATRB, because that is entirely too long to type. Not to mention they replaced their best player, Chris Boll with Dave Celli. Remember when Michael Jordan retied the first time and the Bulls started Pete Myers in his place? Yeah something like that. I have to say the best battle within this team that nobody wants to actually witness is the battle for the meatiest hamstrings between Celli and Boozer. This is a big team that will use brute force on the inside. One of the first things I learned in the Spring 2010 season is that Danielle is NOT afraid to mess up any guys’ pretty little faces. Thankfully, I learned by watching and not being the victim myself.
6. I realize that “Smaht” is intentionally spelled wrong, but I can’t help but think “Wicket” may be an actual typo for theWicket Smaht Ewoks. Truthfully I don’t know what to make of this team. Is that early 2000’s British R&B Star David Craigon the roster? Can somebody fill me in? (Get it?) Oh that was Craig David? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dG1F89DetCM) Nevermind. I realize this is an expensive league and more people on the roster equals less money per person, but 13 players!?!?! There is absolutely NO EXCUSE for these guys not being able to round up a few for the bar each game night. If they have good attendance, this is going to be like a hockey team. 1:00 minute shifts!! No team should be able to run more than these guys. Maybe they know something we don’t and that why they are Wicke(t?) Smaht? I do know that it may take a couple of weeks to come up with an appropriate nickname for Art Vilassakdanont…there is no way I’m typing that out all season long and somewhere in all those consonants and vowels there has to be something hilariously clever I can use…hopefully the inspiration will come through watching him play. I’m open to suggestions…
THAT GOES FOR ALL TEAMS!! Like it or not, many of you WILL have nicknames on the boards and write ups by the end of the season. Feel free to let me know if you already have some that you like. I reserve the right to change them if I don’t
Well, there you go. Week One is just 6 days away. Everybody will play 9 regular season games. Top 4 teams make the playoffs.
7:00 The Llama Bowl – Green vs White…ugh sorry, those colors just made me throw up in my mouth a little bit
8:00 Monstars vs The Bulletproof Tigers (Tigers, I need an explanation on the team name)
9:00 Wicket Smaht Ewoks vs WATRB…new guys vs the vets. Ewoks, don’t stare directly at Celli’s hamstrings…you don’t want to know what happens if you do.
Good luck everybody!!! Let the banter begin!!